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Why she ended up hating me? help!!

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I dated my ex for 3 years i loved her very much. She met me at work and started to sms me, while i was with my then girlfriend. She became my friend by sms, until my former ex broke up with me.

I started dating my current ex at first she was very in love with me, or so i thought. After some months people from my work told her that i had plans to inmigrate to Canada. she started to cry told me that i was gona leave her. So i sugested she came with me , and she agreed. I helped her with the papers, and agreed to lend her 900 dollars to that end.

She has a house maid that she calls her cousin tho whom she is very atached to, she called her for everyting, to decide what colour of clothes to buy, etc. She even got a bank dept of 2500 dollars after her parents fired her.

When i finded out i was upset, after all she planed to go with me, she needed to save money right, but i helped her to pay the credid cards and to consolidate her dept in one place.

she changed after 11 months she became more distant. I thought that she was like that, I ashed her and her cousin if she felt the same and she said that yes, they both assured me i was paranoid.

About 6 months before her trave she becae more extrange, althought she said taht she loved me, she started to pick up fights for little things, like if i ddnt buy her some lays at the movies.

When we traveled together on vacations she twice left me and returned alone to the hotel, acussing me of taking her photos bad on purpose. Of course i didnt, i loved her!!, i even try to fix things by offering to retake those she didnt like. but she refussed. i told her that to me, if i went with someone it was to be with her, not for the photos, that she wasnt a model on a bussines trip.

25 days before her travel she surpriced me by telling me that her parents had bought the tickets to Canada. And by refussing to tell me the adress were she was going to stays, she first said that she didnt knew, then that she wasnt authoriced and that i could cause trouble. To clarify things, im a nice guy, I never got into any problems with anyone, i didnt bother her at her house, nor did i ever called her afterhours in here.

I ask her to take some papers to Canada for me, she agreed if i lend her more money to cure her house maid, because she said her parents wouldnt. i did.

she travelled there, and on monday she told me that acording to her guest I lost my residency, that she would not present my papers. i got angry and she broke up with me.

I left pass one day and her housemaid sended me an sms. my ex didnt want to see me anymore, she began to date a guy she met at the bank there, she told her maid that she would wait to get intimate for him to respect her. I was sooo shaken!!

I could not believe this!!

She called me the next days from Canada and told me, please contact with my maid, ask her to call me, she was using me as her messenger, i got mad and recriminate her.

She wrote me then and told me taht i used her for sex, that i cheated with my first ex. And that was sooo false!. My first ex was lesbian and come out after being with me, after made me loose 3 years !! i would never ever be back, and she knew.

I try to send her mails to explain things , and she replied back saying that i was harrasing her, and to stop. that i should not go to canada, that they dont want people on welfare!!, that my family should be exterminated!!. i didnt wrote her anymore.

Sometime after she contacted me on messenger, told me that i was a loser old and ugly under sexed. that she was with that new guy, that he had her come everytime, that he was soo much better.

I went to her parents ask them to mediate to find a solution for the money a lend her that she had become mad at me. i still loved her, but wanted to close everything and pass the page.

they told me that she said that i gift her the money!, but oferred to call her and that she would call me back

she didnt, and i called her parents, they told me by phone that the money was a gift according to her, that dont ever call back or i would have legal trouble and i didnt want that if i got a visa right?

I stoped calling and any contact but for months tought what made her hate me so much?

why she acted like that?

I never cheated, i only got out with a friend to the cinema to chat but that was it, even if someone went to her to gossip, that didnt suffy dont you thing. Did she ever loved me?, nobody could be so rude if they ever loved isnt it? how could i trust anyone?

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If you ever lend money sign up a contract and notarize it so you have a safety net, even if you believe you trust this person at the time.


The way I see this: She may just have resent/regret for every man she has ever dated. Seems to me she may have cheated on you and was trying to cause a fuss with fights etc., but stuck around for you to pay for things.


It has nothing to do with you, I believe, she was just a mistrusting sort of person.


Best you can do is just move on and cut your losses.

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Thank you for your answers, the truth is that I love her, I really thought that she was the one, that she would have my children, that she loved me.

She was the one who started to sms me, and when i started to date her and stoped after one week, before anything more happened between us telling her that I am older ( i have 35 she has 25) that im am more of a home guy, that she should decide, she cried for me to get together, I did and felt in love.

And all to end up like this, she telling me that I am a looser an old guy, a boring guy, etc,, she could have broke long ago.

She told me that i was her first boy friend. She had a relationship with a guy for 5 year, but he seduced her ( he was his first) then ask her for some time, and she found thru her cosin/housemaid, whom became messenger friends with him, that he actually had a fiancee. And she kept seen him. Going to his house, acepting just that.

She told me that long ago and i accepted that.

I hoped that she learn and would apreciated me treating her right.

My pains is this. I gave her all my love, and yet she used me, she loved the first one and me that treat her right stayed just 3 years and equally shoking to me, why she gave 2500 to her house maid and decide to left me after asking me 900? then lie to her parents , and write lies to my coworkers? why so much hate?

Im a Peruvian men, Im not wealthy, but everybody has feelings and shouldnt be treated like that. I was and still am shocked.

Did I pushed her away? was she inmature? If i ever loved someone i would never treated her like that.

This is the proof: My first girlfriend i met her in college, we were together for 3 and a half years, but she became more and more irritating, picking fuss for little things, i resent her and we got distant, and THEN she told me: Im lesbian!!! and to this day she only had lesbian partners. I forgot her for not being sincere, stayed in touch. But my last ex, she just tried to destroy my soul, She knew i loved her and went to go be sadistic, why??

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i will tell you what someone told me when i asked the same question. Why did she treat me that way? the answer is because she can! the motives arent important whats important is that she ultimately did. She chose to be that way so stop trying to make sense of it all and accept the fact that she left you. srry but thats the hard truth.

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Can only agree with the above here.

It hurts to love the ones that hurt us and be left with no answers ever! thats the way some people operate unfortunately!!!

Dodged bullet from what im reading. Materialistic.

Imagine if you did have a child with her now and she did what she did anyway and acts how she acts?


Thank your lucky stars by all accounts.

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Thank you all for your simpaty and your sincere answers, That's right, somethings are destined to never be known, I just know that she dont have even a bit of respect for me. And you're right Fadedlife It would have been a desaster if we had children, they would have ended up suffering and children dont deserve anything but happiness.

So surprising.. she told me in messenger a while ago that i Used her ( yet she is in montreal owing me money and told me then that she wasnt in love for a long time... she should have told me..) that i cheated ( and she is with someone else whom she started to date 3 days after her arrival..) and that i had issues ( while she was the one that putted her maid over me) she event told me that she didnt gave me her address cause im an stalker.

I am not of course, im in Lima now.. she is in montreal... I send her some mails to explain myself after she told me im a cheater and that i user, because we had a relationship and i dont like to be injustly acussed.

In my country there is nothing like internet stalking i didnt even considered the thought, but did some research on internet about canadian law. What makes me believe that she had "counseling" from her mothers friends who had her on their house.

I didnt want her to be stressed so I terminated anycontact with her after trying to settle the money issue, and even after the surprice i got after her lies to her parents (or so they say at least) and the email to my coworker i didnt wrote back. just let it be. Put it on Gods almighty hands. Cause if she didnt realiced my parents didnt raised a felon, if she didnt took me as a valuable human its her mistake.

And thats why i told yu my history, to learn from you, to never repeat this mess again, if a failled to improve. and to share with others what i learned:

If someone doesnt love you follow the NC rule, it would save you from mayor pain

If you see red flags even if you love someone to the core, use your head not your hearth.

I will apreciate any thoughts and advise. Its finally you that restore my faith in others, because you didnt knew me, and yet YOU CARE

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Its been 2 months NC with her, yet i thought of her everyday, it has become a ritual to open FB and check the few things that are avalaible to everyone. She changed her photo, and its so familiar, so pretty I have to make and effort to think of the bad things that happened.

My life hasnt been easy. My father got a stroke in 1997 and we, as a family took care of him, and by family i mean my mother, my younger sister and I, he was asmathic too, so we had to wach him even at nights. And we did it gladly cause we loved him. Countles times I took him to the doctors office to pass his check ups ( and he waited patiently without complain, and in here in Peru isnt a short visit!), countles times i took his weelchair around ( and he after i bought him something, he had sweetooth, he always shared it with me he cheered me up!) and on weekends took my car to go on family trip. He died on 2007, after complications of his stroke. We did our best, he was the most amaizing person i ever met. So patient, so caring, so devote. he wasnt afraid of death, and always fulfilled his duties even if it wasnt easy.

Now its the tree of us left, Even if we don't look eye to eye on some issues we took care of each other, I try to help my family and be for them. My ex told me that his new guy is independent ( I understand.. he lives alone, away from his parents, I dont, i try to help my family as much as i can) he is her friend and i am not ( i tried tough but her maid was more important in her life while she was in lima, now that she is in montreal and away from everyone else its a diferent history doesnt it? again circunstances dealed me the wrong cards) and that he cares for her more ( really? OMG), he his handsome ( not my fault , i am who i am, and she knew how i was long ago).

At the end if you love someone you stick around like we did with my father, you accept people as they are. I had an example of faith in front of me, i will never broke, i will never hate, i will never disrespect his memory. Its sad if she didnt got it, she was always safe with me, always will.

I needed time to adjust, to shift from her to me again, to comprehend why, to bury her, but i did know. I wish her the best cause i will always love her, despite everything.

My soul wants to be with her, may be God will reunite us.

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