Ex-girlfriend has a baby now. But we love each other still..

[RensoreK]

My ex-girlfriend and I broke up for some time (she thought it was right at the time), which she ended up getting pregnant, against her will. It was date rape, and she now loves her baby, dispite how she got it, should I get back together permanantly and possible have this child calling me 'daddy' or should I stay away from her and find myself someone else. I really do love her no matter what, and she has shown the same for me. What can I do???

[ang3l2004]

Well in my opinion she has accepted the fact that this happened to her and she still kept and is taking care of her baby and you say she loves her baby no matter what so I dont see what the problem is,You say you love her so mabe you should talk to her about this and if you are ready and willing to accept this and be with her and love her no matter what I see no problem with you being with her,About the baby calling you daddy you and her would have to discuss that situation and go from there best of luck it's good that you love her and accept her for who she is.But what happened to her was not her fault and it is good that she kept the baby and is taking care of the baby,Pm me anytime you need to talk

[RensoreK]

I'm also afraid that if I end up marrying her, I know one of those kids is not mine and I don't want to develop any different emotions toward that child as I would any of my own (I have none yet). And the fact that maybe I'm young (20) and I should strive to possibly marry a woman who doesn't have kids seems to be instilled in me. I just want to be happy, and I want her to be happy, but I find the child is sort of a 'buffer' between us. I know she didn't mean it.

[Mun]

Hi there,

Your story reminds me of something that happened when I was in high school.

There was a bf and gf who broke up for a summer. During this time they tried to get back together several times and during this time she dated another boy. She became pregnant. There was a question of who the father was--she didn't know for sure. The other boy was out of the picture by then and this boy who had been her bf wanted her back.

 

I remember he told several of his high school friends that he loved her no matter what and he didn't care if this was not his child. After graduation they were married and a friend of mine saw them around town recently. They have been married for 18 years and have 4 children now.

 

You are still very young and I know this is hard for you. Maybe you should think about what this would mean in your life.

 

There is nothing "wrong" with her because she has a child, but can you see that and move on? If you know that you will have some type of resentment or something then maybe you should let her go. You don't want to hurt her or yourself.

[stolenshadow]

Hello RensoreK, sorry to hear about your difficult decision.

 

I read your other post in which you mentioned something about her not being very nice on the break-up with you only to end with that terrible guy that raped her.

 

Ok, I think nobody is asking you for a sacrifice or to be the hero of the day, and I don't think she needs or should be saved, she made a decision with that guy, it was a mistake, now she's ok with the consequences, the feelings of "she needs me" or "I should help her because I love her" shouldn't be considered here.

 

If you have doubts about getting married to her just don't do it, it's not being selfish, you're just not sure you want that now.

 

She made her decision now it's time for you to make yours, but don't think so much into the future, things like this kid being the brother/sister of your other kids it's only going to cloud your senses, love isn't planned, just take your time.

 

Just ask yourself if SHE is the woman of your dreams, the one that will never make the mistake of leaving again and the one that will be able to give love as much as take.

[RensoreK]

Everytime I talk to her I realize that shes really a woman I want to be with for life, and then I think about her baby, and its not the baby that brings me problems, its the baby brings me awful memories about out horrible breakup and its a lot of pain, and I dont want that pain to be in that baby's eyes everytime I look at him. its not her fault, its not that baby's fault. What should I do? At the moment we are working out plans to possibly get back together and start a family