Heavenly1913 Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 You are not an alien! I am going through the same thing. Those few tears are so quick to come and even though its not an all out sob fest it makes you feel weak, like you are not healing at the rate that you are supposed to. It has been 5 months for me and my ex...apparently he doesnt care. I feel like our whole relationship was a lie sometimes, but I just try to control the things I can. I eat well, work out, socialize when I can, and picked up a second job to occupy my minds space. I find myself thinking about him at the worst times. I have been on dates with other men and felt like I was looking into his eyes...it is really hard getting over it. I am reading a really good book called the power of positive thinking... and this has helped me a lot: The Gift of Goodbye T. D. Jakes There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. LET THEM GO! And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of goodbye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in goodbye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay. LET THEM GO! If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to... LET THEM GO! If you are holding on to past hurts and pains... LET THEM GO! If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth... LET THEM GO! If someone has angered you... LET THEM GO! If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge... LET THEM GO! If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction... LET THEM GO! If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents... LET THEM GO! If you have a bad attitude... LET THEM GO! If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better... LET THEM GO! If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship....... LET THEM GO! If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves... LET THEM GO! If you're feeling depressed and stressed... LET THEM GO! Get Right or Get Left, think about it, and then... LET THEM GO! I hope this helps, it has helped me a lot, but its a journey. Every day you are just getting a little bit stronger Link to comment
Oneironaut Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 You're not alone. My breakup was six months ago, and I'm still far from over it. In fact, just realized in replying to this thread, it was six months ago from today exactly. This actually makes an excellent point, and that is, the pain DOES lessen with time. You didn't realize it was the 6 month mark until you read this thread...you didn't think about it yesterday, you didn't even think about it when you first woke up this morning...it took a reminder to realize it. That is a perfect example of progress, and proof that it does happen. Link to comment
tacs1895 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 This actually makes an excellent point, and that is, the pain DOES lessen with time. You didn't realize it was the 6 month mark until you read this thread...you didn't think about it yesterday, you didn't even think about it when you first woke up this morning...it took a reminder to realize it. That is a perfect example of progress, and proof that it does happen. Thanks for the positive take on my post. It provoked a wry smile from me because my initial reaction was to disagree, but then I realised that you did actually make sense. My reaction was that I still think about her every day without fail, and I was well aware that it was about six months since splitting up, it wasn't like I'd lost track of how long it's been. But your post made me realise that even though I'm still very aware of how long it's been, at least I wasn't consciously aware of every day or date. I was aware that it was about six months, but not that it was exactly six months. Which is a sign (albeit in a very small way) of progress. Therefore, while I undoubtedly still have a very long way to go, your point was correct. So thank you for pointing it out ;-) Link to comment
okiedokiestomp Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 16 months and still think of her... Such is life. And so are they the loosers to not see what and who they are leaving for good. Think of it, with such dedicated people whose loss is it going to be any way??? that's the great irony of breaking up though isn't it---if you think about it logically, what did we really loose??? If we are honest with ourselves, we see that our perceptions didn't match reality--- we lost someone who we thought loved us like we loved them and were not committed to the relationship like we were, when in actuallity they didn't and weren't equally yoked to the relationship and so we get hurt. They on the other hand walked away from someone who truly did love them and they don't seem to care. not equally yoked. the dynamic still amazes me when I think about it...we really didn't loose much in the end b/c our perceptions weren't reality (at least at the end) while they truly did loose a lot but they don't care....no revelations here but it still is a big mind **** when you think about it. Link to comment
Sim54 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 If they didn't care then they truly didn't lose anything. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted August 15, 2011 Author Share Posted August 15, 2011 If they didn't care then they truly didn't lose anything. That's true. It's something I have to remind myself of frequently. Link to comment
okiedokiestomp Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 If they didn't care then they truly didn't lose anything. well you're certainly right, although I was more talking about the irony of the whole thing. Link to comment
italiannmf24 Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Yes, it's true that everyone takes his or her own time frame in order to fully heal, yet it's not the time frame, but the usage of that time that matters. If you're expecting to be healed in X amount of time, you'll only be kidding yourself. Not a single soul knows how long it takes to "fully" heal from an old relationship. The ones that heal quicker are the ones that put a ton more effort into THEIR well-being rather than their ex's. I know it's going to take all of your might and motivation, but you have to focus on yourself rather than your ex. Utilize the time that you've given yourself. It will work wonders. Link to comment
Tigerfan Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Tryptophan, is this thread about the guy that was "submissive" and you lost respect for him? Just curious. Link to comment
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