wicked6018 Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 it's been two weeks since the BU, but i feel like my heart has been in hell forever. i'm accepting that he is gone, we're over, i can't bring back what we had. i must move on. last year, my sister got dumped by her bf of 3 years. she was devastated, as i am. she was miserable for 7 months, then, she started dating someone new, and she is happier than ever. i do NOT want to be like her. i don't. i don't want to be miserable UNTIL i find someone new, because, who knows how long that will take? also, i know i must be happy with myself and not depend on someone else for my happiness. as i have said in previous posts, the past six years have been very rough, and i'm fed up. i want to be HAPPY despite these circumstances. i don't want to be miserable until i am in a new relationship! how can i be happy with my new title as a single woman? everyone around me is happily in a relationship. i want to be happy very soon, and not because i find someone new. Link to comment
listed Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 Find new things to do with your free time and work on your life. Relationships can be a huge distraction and there's probably a lot that you can catch up on now that you're more focused on yourself. I was in a very serious relationship but wasn't miserable for that long after so you do have some control over it. You're going to be in pain for a while though. Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 The only way to feel better and be happy is to set self-improvement goals for yourself. Exercise, go out and have fun, take a class, start a new hobby, work on not making the same mistakes again and again. Also do not turn down opportunities that arise. By all means, take some time to feel the pain, but in the near future, or whenever you feel ready, if there are men who are asking you out, why not take that opportunity Link to comment
wicked6018 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Share Posted July 24, 2011 thanks for yalls comments. i read yesterday that money, love, and health only contribute 10 percent to a person's happiness. what i read said that you could have a great job, love life, and health, and only be 10 percent happier. it said that 40 to 50 percent of one's happiness lies within ONESELF, and is in YOUR control. i am trying to believe this and make it happen. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 The way I stayed happy between relationships was by continuing to be proactive in looking for a good match (because I remained honest with myself that my strong preference was to find someone with whom to have a happy marriage and family with), and choosing not to be miserable while continuing the search . I did this by continuing with my friends, family, volunteer work, book club, social events, work, exercise, interests, just as I had while I was in a relationship. I knew that I was not going to be thrilled to be single and that was ok and I wasn't going to force myself to be thrilled being single. Link to comment
wicked6018 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Share Posted July 24, 2011 i just don't think i need to look for anyone else. i just want the right one to come to me, but i want to be happy in the meantime. i know that i am a strong, independent woman...it just doesn't feel like it, and it is a miserable place to be in. Link to comment
wicked6018 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Share Posted July 24, 2011 unfortunately, i live in SUCH a dull city. i have no friends, despite how hard i try to make friends. i wish there were book clubs and things like that where i live. i would love that so much. Link to comment
listed Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 Is there a reason you need to live there? Link to comment
wicked6018 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Share Posted July 24, 2011 yes, i am in school here. it is in the city where i have lived all my life. i am going to be finished with school next spring, and i REALLY want to move, but how can i do that when i don't have any money and i will be looking for a job? also i have no idea where i would want to relocate, and i would hate to move and then people in a new place be just like the people here. Link to comment
listed Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 You could get a job here and in the mean time being looking for one elsewhere. Just make sure you're saving more than you're spending. Perhaps look for a short term job that involves travel? (things like americorps or teaching English as a 2nd language). If neither of those really make sense there's probably a lot of similar things and you could find one that's a fit for you. Link to comment
wicked6018 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Share Posted July 24, 2011 i have applied for SO many jobs over the past few years, and nothing has worked out. i have a job in childcare which i love, but it is only twice a week, and the summer class for it is about to be over, then i will be going back to my university. i am planning on being a music teacher. SO ready to graduate, and just hope my life will improve after that. thanks for your advice and encouragement. : ) Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 i just don't think i need to look for anyone else. i just want the right one to come to me, but i want to be happy in the meantime. i know that i am a strong, independent woman...it just doesn't feel like it, and it is a miserable place to be in.[/quote I am and always was a strong independent person and I always wanted a significant other -seems perfectly consistent to me. After I was about 14 I never expected a good match to "come to me". What I did do is move out of my parents' house once I was done with graduate school to be even closer to a major city teeming with single people. I lived about a half hour away but knew that to have the best social opportunities I had to be right where the action is. I totally respect that you don't think you need to look for anyone else -I simply think your expectation that the right person will come to you is unrealistic and will hamper your efforts at being happy in the meantime. Rather, why not decide that you're not willing to put in the time and effort now to meet interesting men and women and increase your chances of meeting potential romantic partners (i.e. meeting men through women, or meeting men), and focus on the other things you enjoy doing? Link to comment
thejigsup Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 I have always gone to school, so that is the main focus, along with my son, in my life. I love my job, so that gives me something to do six days a week that I love to do! I focus on me and what I want to do. Every day I do something fun or enriching, just for me. I am happy when I am in a relationship and I am happy when I am out of one. Life is life, regardless, and I am the same person when I am single and when I am in a relationship. My healthiest relationship is with myself and that will always be true. Love yourself, the rest will come naturally. Link to comment
wicked6018 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Share Posted July 24, 2011 thanks, i value myself and care for myself, just don't know how to be happy. i am always kind to everyone, men and women no matter who they are. i constantly wonder why i am such a kind, sweet person, and yet i have to suffer so much, just went through this heart wrenching breakup, and can't be happy. Link to comment
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