Follow-up messages in online dating - Do or don't?

[NG85]

I had been talking to this girl on OKC for about 2 weeks, and things were going well. I sent her a message asking her if she'd like to meet up, and she got back to me asking what I'd like to do and where I live. I sent her a message with an idea and a day I'll be free (Which was in about a week).

 

The last time we spoke was last Thursday. She had been really prompt with responding to emails, but so far I haven't received a response from her, even though almost every time I log into OKC I see she's online. Should I send her a follow-up message at some point asking if she got my last message and is still down to meet up?

 

Here's another factor I'm worried about - I had to explain my location to her. I'm planning to move shortly, and as such I set my location as my desired location, which is also the city she lives in. I currently live about a half hour away, and I explained this to her, but without fail I'm in her city weekly. A lot of people on OKC do this, but the messages from her stopped once I explained this to her. Could this have messed things up?

[CelticMetal]

This happened to me on OKC a couple of times. We would be emailing daily and then all of a sudden I didn't hear anything after several days. I wonder if they were talking to a few guys at a time and started dating one of them. I followed up about a week later and just got a vague response that they were busy but didn't get any emails back after that. I suppose there's no harm in sending another message but since you said she's been online I wouldn't expect much. Good luck whatever you do.

[strangerdanger]

Everyone is flakey on online dating.

I might feel cool about talking to someone one day- and not the next.

I think it's because you just don't know the stranger on the other side of the mail- and that makes it easy to flake.

 

Don't take it personally if someone gets flakey- happens all the time. Girls get hundreds of messages a month

 

You have nothing to lose- it's online dating- if you want to send her ONE reminder message- go ahead. She's probably talking to a lot of people.

You'll never stand out until you have a meeting.

 

Don't send one more than one reminder message- it annoys me when guys do that on POF.

[NG85]

Everyone is flakey on online dating.

I might feel cool about talking to someone one day- and not the next.

I think it's because you just don't know the stranger on the other side of the mail- and that makes it easy to flake.

 

Don't take it personally if someone gets flakey- happens all the time. Girls get hundreds of messages a month

 

You have nothing to lose- it's online dating- if you want to send her ONE reminder message- go ahead. She's probably talking to a lot of people.

You'll never stand out until you have a meeting.

 

Don't send one more than one reminder message- it annoys me when guys do that on POF.

 

Yeah, I'd just send one follow-up, then that's it. I figure there may be a chance she might have her email backed up, or she could have misplaced my message unintentionally, etc.

 

So I asked her out for this Friday - Should I send her a follow-up before or after Friday? I wonder if it'd look less "desperate" if I sent her one after the supposed meet up date.

[Shudder]

sometimes its hard to gauge how interested someone really is with online dating, which is why i normally meet them asap to avoid any built up but false expectations.

 

you also know fairly early if they are wasting your time or serious. I never talked to someone online for 2 weeks before meeting though. I'd probably flake out myself after a while as I get bored fast exchanging emails back and forth

[NG85]

sometimes its hard to gauge how interested someone really is with online dating, which is why i normally meet them asap to avoid any built up but false expectations.

 

you also know fairly early if they are wasting your time or serious. I never talked to someone online for 2 weeks before meeting though. I'd probably flake out myself after a while as I get bored fast exchanging emails back and forth

 

Yeah, coordinating schedules is always the hard part. I'm very rarely free on the weekdays, so I schedule all my social activities for the weekend. If the girl is busy that weekend, we have to re-schedule for the weekend after. So it might be 2 or 3 weeks before we meet. It sucks, but I guess that's the price of being busy 20-somethings.

 

The other problem I find is messing everything up by asking them out too quickly. That freaks them out. I need to work on finding a happy medium.

[NG85]

Just bumping to see if anyone else had any suggestions.

[orchidrose]

Typically if I stop responding, it's because I've met someone and am dating them, or would like to date them more than I'd like to date you; I've been genuinely busy and unable to think about dating; or I learned something about you that made me want to stop conversing - for example, a guy once told me in his fifth or sixth message that he lives on the complete opposite side of town from me, and I live in a huge city with no car, so that's a dealbreaker.

 

That said, I did once have a guy send a follow-up message a week or so after we last spoke - I had been extraordinarily busy at work and hadn't replied to him - that said "Hey, I was really looking forward to meeting you. Hope we can schedule something soon." That reminded me about him and I thought it was kind of sweet. We went out on one date, but didn't hit it off.