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i held strong. and it really is over.

wicked6018

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wicked6018 Contributor

wicked6018

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his mom texted me last night. she actually sent me several texts. then he sent me one this morning say, "can we talk today?" i held strong. i said, "i don't think we should talk. we are broken up and i have to heal."

 

then, he sent me SEVERAL. saying "it's not that i don't love and miss you, i'm just confused....i just want to see you to see if those feelings of excitement come back."

 

it's as if his idea of love is getting butterflies in your stomach every time you see the person. apparently, he didn't feel excited to see me anymore. I guess he didn't know that things like that kind of wear off after you've been together a long time. i told him that love is much more than those feelings, and that it last through the best and worst of times. i told him how hurt i was that he made a life long commitment to me, then broke it.

 

he said that his mom is really upset about the whole thing. she loves me a lot, and she had already claimed me as her daughter. she keeps texting me.

 

he said, "so does this mean we're never gonna talk again, whats the plan?"

 

i said, "if you have feelings for me after you get your life situated, you can come find me."

 

the last thing he said to me was, "i'm going to get my life figured out, and i'll be waiting for you in the process. i'll give you some space."

 

i told him, "i hope you find out what love really is. goodbye."

 

and that was it.

 

it's hard, because i know this is really, really it now that i've told him we should have NC. my mom says i've done the right thing. i feel like i've done the right thing, but it doesn't take any of the pain away.

 

and i don't feel like i should just have to wait for him to figure out his life, or if i'd even be able to go back to him after he's broken my heart so badly.

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kayleee Rookie

kayleee

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You absolutely do not deserve to have to wait till he figures out his life to see whether or not you may fit into it. A lot of people don't understand that relationships are MUCH MUCH more than just the fireworks and butterlies you feel at the beginning. A relationship takes work and dedication on both parts and involves having two people who are commited to making things work by working hard at it.

 

Ex's are sometimes selfish in that they do not want to let you go completely. They want space to move on and see what's out there, but they don't completely want to let go in case they find that the grass is NOT greener on the other side. So they say things to give you hope and make you want to hold on so that you can never fully move on from the relationship.

 

You deserve better. You absolutely made the right decision, and although you are hurting now, nothing lasts forever. You will not always feel this way, and you can be pro-active in making your healing a faster healthier one.

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Hellhath Newbie

Hellhath

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It is hard, but speaking from experience (mostly experience of ignoring what is best for me and living on crumbs for almost a year)... it is best for your emotional healing. A lot of people mistake Eros love with a more idealized (and romantized) love. Greeks had many names for all the different types of love, we have just one. To say we are often confused and ambigious would be an understatement. Reading your post you have a pretty good head on your shoulder. The pain is natural, its a sad truth in life that what is right isn't always is the less painful path.

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Bella4 Explorer

Bella4

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if he could do this to me, i really don't believe he ever loved me. so i'm not really throwing much away. he threw ME away. i gave me up even though i treated him so well, and he won't ever find another girl like me.

 

Thats the spirit, that's the mind set I have of my ex - he'll never ever find another me, and when he realises that - i'll be moved on and happy I hope.

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wicked6018 Contributor

wicked6018

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i'm trying to be. i honestly think that toward the end, he was kind of jealous of me in a way, thought i was better than he is. see, my piano recital was the NIGHT before all this crap happened. a few days before that, his friend heard me play piano for the first time, and the friend said, "dude, do you realize that she is a better musician than we will ever be?" (my ex is in a band and music is his life.) i honestly believe that that rubbed my ex the wrong way and that it made him jealous!!! the whole time i was playing, he was just sitting there texting, while his friend stood by the piano watching me play the whole time. and at the recital, i looked over at my ex, and he hardly even clapped for me after i finished. he did not seem happy to be there at all or happy about the attention i got for my playing.

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Arlia Newbie

Arlia

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I share your pain Rice. My ex of 4.5 years broke up with me 3 months ago, I tried to reconnect 1.5 month ago, and last week I had my final discussion with her. She does not love me anymore and she likes someone else.

As hard as it is, I have to move on, go NC, and just wait until my feelings for her are gone. I regret not doing my best for the relationship because she's close to perfection and I'm not gonna meet someone as good as her for a very long time... Life is tough for us, but we have to be strong.

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Snuggly Newbie

Snuggly

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then, he sent me SEVERAL. saying "it's not that i don't love and miss you, i'm just confused....i just want to see you to see if those feelings of excitement come back."

 

it's as if his idea of love is getting butterflies in your stomach every time you see the person. apparently, he didn't feel excited to see me anymore. I guess he didn't know that things like that kind of wear off after you've been together a long time. i told him that love is much more than those feelings, and that it last through the best and worst of times.

 

I would really resent this. That immature thing that you have to be wildly passionately in love forever. What about the love where you know all each others faults and love them anyway. My husband felt this way, he said he wanted to feel wildly passionate about someone. Its a bit hard to achieve, day after day, year after year. Shared experience, trust and caring should count for more.

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Danny77 Explorer

Danny77

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Kudos for being a musician! and a great one! (girls can always do it better!)

 

Hang in there. Be strong and find comfort in ENA No contact is definitely best!! Let us know ur progress!

 

I like your quote.

 

One day she'll wake up and realize how great he really was, and he'll be waking up next to the woman who already knew.

 

That is a comforting thought.

Don't you think?

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wicked6018 Contributor

wicked6018

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well, if you said one day HE'LL wake up and realize how great SHE was, and SHE'LL be waking up to the MAN who already knew. lol, but i know what you meant. i can't say that anything is comforting right now seeing that it's been less than a week since the BU, but i really do appreciate it. i'm trying to dwell on all the bad things in the relationship, not the good, so why does it still hurt so bad?

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Danny77 Explorer

Danny77

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haha! sisters please!

I wasn't being hasty.

I just liked the quote and when writing it, it was only natural to write it in that way for a guy.

I got called out for saying it wrong when I didn't think I did.

 

ANYWAYS...... sozz girls, back to the issue hey.

 

 

I don't believe that people should have to wait for others to sort their lives out unless they see an investment worth waiting for.

I'd put him on the back burners and get back out there.

 

It's a funny feeling when it's finally OVER in your head when it's really been over for some time hey?

 

As for butterflies, well, we all know how wonderfull it is to have them but the truth is that they have to fade in order to reveal a deeper and mature connection between people.

 

As a child I used to get butterflies the night before christmas.

I used to sit in my room with my brother and we'd be so excited and I'll never forget how great it felt to be so full of anticipation.

Thing is tho...... when I think back to the christmas's I loved the most. It's not the butterflies before I remember as much as the love of family on Christmas DAY.

 

So I guess the butterflies are nothing more than the excitement of the deep love that's on its way.

Most people think that the relationship is the butterflies.

When they go, people think it's over.

This is so wrong I can't begin to put it in to words.

 

I promise you that he'll have that day where he has finally learnt what a true relationship is (probably by many failed ones).

That day he'll look back and see the one he quit on before it fully blossomed.

 

Be happy that you can walk away with the knowledge that you were a good person and gave all your love.

Some lucky chap is gonna be super stoked to find you.

Butterflies are for kids, real love lasts forever!

 

besos!

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hazelnut321 Apprentice

hazelnut321

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I wish I was in your situation. I was best friends with my ex's mom too - but he's not gonna crawl back like your ex... think hard before throwing it away.

 

Bella4 is right- You should feel pretty darned good right now- the ball is totally in your court. He's yours for the taking- if you still want him.

 

I haven't read your story, so I don't know why you broke up. I'll just say let your heart lead the way- if you weren't happy with him, then move forward with your life without him.. If you really love him, give him a bit more chill time to figure out what he lost- and then take him back.

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