SOME QUESTIONS THAT I REALLY NEED ANSWERS TO........

[x143]

i was wondering if anyone could answer these questions because i really need some insight right now..

 

my ex who was absolutely in love with me broke up with me in late april. however, this was my first relationship, and i was really immature about it.. he still loved me a lot and told our friends that he didn't want to be with anyone but me.. but he broke up with me because he didn't want to hurt me anymore since we kept fighting because he was always really busy and didn't always have a lot of time for me. i was totally in denial over this breakup for 2 months.. i still called him everyday acting like his gf and nagged him about not spending enough time with me... and this led to more fights. we fought almost everyday.. and my ex started treating me really badly because he was starting to get fed up with me. he started yelling more and i felt more and more unappreciated; thus, i nagged more. eventually, a month later, he tells me he doesn't even know if he loves me anymore.. and three weeks after that he tells me his feelings for me have changed. when people ask him how he feels about me, he would say, "i like her but shes too attached" or "i like her but she gets annoying." by july, our fights got worse and worse.. and it wasnt until finally one day he got so angry that he told me that he "hates me" that i let him go. (just a sidenote, he takes the word "hate" extremely seriously.. he always promised me that he would never EVER say that to me.) i tried so hard to get him back.. after a week of NC, i wrote him a letter and gave it to him.. in the letter i apologized for all the things i did to him and asked him to give me another chance. we talked in person and he told me that he doesnt' hate me and isn't happier without me and he misses me but just wants to be friends "for now." but i can see that the spark of love may have died within him..... hes starting to look at other girls [when we were together he would never do this simply bc he had me and that was enough for him] and he seems to have moved on. it doesnt seem to bother him at all whether or not we are together. i can see after each fight that his feelings for me are dying more and more..... but my feelings for him are still the same.. despite all the times he's yelled at me and made me cry. we saw each other a few times this past month [but we never talked to each other] and he always looks really happy and is talking to other girls. and whenever other people ask him about me, he always says bad things, like "shes really attached and its really scary" or "she always tries to control other people".. and yet he claims to still have feelings for me [altho when hes mad he tells people things like "i'm over her" and "i hate her"].. im getting so many mixed signals. what i want to know is, how is it possible for someone who was CRAZY about his gf just a couple months ago change so fast? is this just a phase or is he seriously over me? i have been doing NC for the past month now and i feel a little better but i still miss him a lot. i've had time to think about this relationship and i realize what i did wrong and what he did wrong.. and i think if we try again, we can make it work.. but i can't do it if his heart isn't in it. i am thinking about continuing NC for another month or so and then writing him a lighthearted email telling him how i've been doing and inviting him to IM/call me if he wants to talk. but.. do you think there is any chance that i can ever get him to feel the same way about me again? and if so, what should i do and what shouldn't i do?

 

any tips? sorry i know this was long...

[LostAngel]

Hi x143

 

It is so strange how our stories are quite similar.

 

If you would like you can read my post.

"I'm not sure what to do -I JUST WANT TO BE WITH HIM"

 

To answer your question on if his over you...

 

You must remember that when fighting -the negativity between you 2 increases and makes him pull away from you more & more...

 

I think he is just really upset about everything & may have said things he does not mean. Don't take things to much to heart.

 

MY EX DID THE SAME THING...

1 WEEK HE SAYS HE LOVES ME & THEN THE NEXT HE SAID HE DOESN'T

 

LOVE DOESN'T JUST disappear -HE IS JUST PULLING AWAY FROM YOU BECAUSE OF ALL THATS happened.

 

WHAT HE NEEDS IS SPACE...YOU NEED TO GIVE HIM TIME TO MISS YOU

HE NEEDS TIME TO RELOOK THE WHOLE RELATIONSHIP...

 

THE BEST THING FOR NOW IS NC AS YOU ARE DOING --BUT GIVE IT ALOT MORE TIME...

IF YOU CONTINUE HOUNDING HIM --HE WILL PULL AWAY MORE & MORE.

 

If you do see OR SPEAK TO him -Don't ignore each other --BE FRIENDLY---SHOW HIM YOUR CHARM & BEAUTY (HE NEEDS A REMINDER OF THAT) -KEEP HAVING GREAT MOMENTS WITH HIM EVERYTIME YOU DO HAVE CONTACT WITH HIM.

 

YOU MUST NOT BRING UP ANYTHING ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP --DON'T BRING UP ANYTHING OF THE PAST (NOTHING NEGATIVE)

 

YOU NEED HIM TO KEEP SEEING THE SIDE OF YOU ---HE FELL IN LOVE WITH..

 

THE MORE YOU ADD PRESSURE -EVENTUALLY HE IS GOING TO HATE YOU...

 

 

START FOCUSING ON YOU NOW -ON GETTING BACK THE PERSON

-HE FELL IN LOVE WITH.

 

I HOPE I AM HELPING...

 

LostAngel

[sisterlynch]

Relationships can seem like they are better than nothing. I sense that you were alright before this all occurred and you need to take a break from feeling all these intense emotions.

 

How can you do this?

 

Clean up the environment, clutter can clutter your brain, get some healthy food, take long walks, see some movies about people who break away from their former self. Sometimes going to a new environment can seem like an adventure.

 

I would suggest going to the beach. Or along a waterfront somewhere that doesn't remind you of him.

[accord_lowrida]

i guess u can say thats what happened with my ex well at least some parts of ur story. and i feel just like you. i believe that if we try again it can work out. we learned from our mistakes. but my partner gave up. doesnt want a second chance. so i feel just like you. everyone been tellin me try to forget about her dont talk to her everyday that will just push her away let her miss me. but then i think of what if she wont miss me then she will be gone forever. so its a 50 50. there are two options talk to him be friendly or dont talk to him for a while and hope he miss's you. but what do i know we are in the same setuation

[outrageousxo]

the reason he fell outta love with you so quickly is cuased u chased him away...

you were nagging at him for a while after you guys broke up.. not good. guys dont like that clingliness

[sisterlynch]

How did you get my picture??