She will be at a mutual Friends party this weekend, need some advice and input??

[No1her]

aha danny thats for the encouragement. and hubble yea im still pretty new to, but eventually ill be able to write a book on this stuff. idk if u guys read it all tho. b/c its looking like now she wont be staying out past the time i get there. the dinner is schedukled for 8 the drinks at 930 i was just gonna go to the drinks. but now im thinking i might show up around 845 so she atleast gets a look at me and my prescence is known. im sure the reason she is leaving is b/c the b/f knows ill be there. last time this same girl had a party was end of may and they ended up getting in a fight cuz he knew i was there, he text me. she dropped me off to go try and smooth things over with him, it didnt work and she came back and slept with me. soo im just hoping her dinner martini or whatever she has makes her want to stay, where if i do in fact get the chance, i will not fail. i will get her into bed, nd hopefully get some questions answered. i will be careful of course not to push it to much. that being said i have to get to this point first. which as of now does not seem easy.

[Danny77]

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

 

You're a f***ing ANIMAL!

 

*spike the martini

 

Whet?

[tresqua]

so i think she might wonder what its about. also it wasnt really even that mean. that commetnt could mean alot of diff things.

 

She dumped you after 2.5 years and she has a new boyfriend. The contact between the two of you has dropped off to maybe a text or two every week or so.

 

She's rapidly receding into the distance with her new boyfriend in tow, you realize you're losing her for good, and you're an emotional wreck. You send her an unsolicited text after a week of no contact that basically says she "fooled you" for 3 years and she's not that person you thought she was.

 

There is only one way to take that. You're sore at the breakup and you just can't let go.

 

Don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise and I suggest you keep your drinking at the party to a minimum and don't start anything with her or her new boyfriend.

[No1her]

welp the party is tomorrow night, and as i posted earlier on in this thread, I think she is leaving after the dinner portion. im sure at her boyfriends request. I am gonna show up a lil early, just to let her see me. couldnt hurt right. I expect her to leave but honestly, who knows what she will do. maybe she will change her mind and stay maybe she wont. my hopes were up earlier in the week, but at this point im sorta ok with her leaving, Whateverrrrrrrr

 

I was out with the family last night and get a facebook notification from a comment i left a few days ago on a friends wall. it was the ex commenting on it, and likeing the comment. i wrote something to someone that was kinda one of our cute little saying to one another and she drunkenly commented on it, we then procededded to playfully comment back and forth constantly refreshing my phone nd her doing this as well for about 20-30 mins. lyrics to some of our favorite songs, even a lil sexual etc. all this going on on some1 elses wall. needless to say i woke up and the entire convo was deleted, i found out at the exs request. no big deal, but felt pretty good when i saw the comment surface, and almost equally as bad when it was deleted. I really dont think this girl will ever stop doing stuff like this, the only way i will ever be able to stop letting it bother me tho is when i find someone else. which unfortunately will take some time. but i guess it really wasnt a big deal. harmless comments really. it may not be much, but i do know she still feels something for me, even if that sometrhing is very little. anyway yea just updating the situation. : /

[tresqua]

the only way i will ever be able to stop letting it bother me tho is when i find someone else. which unfortunately will take some time/

 

It will take longer than necessary if you waste time posting back and forth with an ex who has a boyfriend. Your time is better spent with someone who is single and looking to meet a guy.

[No1her]

extremely down today, didnt go to work, called out, which is not good cuz i need the money, and then layed in my bed all day long. onla few hours until this party, where i am sure she prob wont be at when i get there anyway. i gotta get past this, it really is, kinda ruining my life:sad:

[Danny77]

Good Luck!

[No1her]

I really should stop second guessing myself soo much, she was there, like i initially thought she would be, she stayed all night. after about and hour and a half i decided to say hi to her cuz she was by herself and looked a lil down. As the night went on, once again she began to look at me more and more until eventually we moved from one bar to another and she pulled up a chair right next to me. we talked for a while. had some beers together, all the meanwhile shes fighting with her b/f thru texts. eventually we decide to go back to her place with her roomate and a buddy of mine ](*,) a bunch of her friends, and a few of mine, knew of this which made it a lil awkward, but she didnt care that much. i ended up staying over and doing... u know what.(again like i initially thought would happen) when we woke up we kinda talked for a little, i said have ur thoughts of what might happen with us in the future changed over these past few months. ( b/c she always said shes knows one day well be back together.) her first answer was. she dosent see how it would ever work. then she kinda started saying things like, we both still need some time. need to experience other things, and not enough time has passed. its possible, but its gotta happen naturally etc. she was crying asking if i thought she was a bad person, to which i initially replied yes, then was saynig things like do u hate me and such.

 

She implied once again this is prob the 3rd time, that her new guy would in fact cheat on her, i said i dont see it, and she said u dont know him like i do. so idk if he did, or he does, or what. she was trying to get me to promise i wouldnt tell him of this and the pasts sex which he dosent know about, but i wouldnt. i doubt i will tell him this time, but who knows. After talking she said him and her were gonig to the beach today, so my buddy dropped her at her car which she left at the bar, and shes at the beach with him right now. : / I imagine 4-5 of our friends really lost respect for her after seeing first hand whats shes doing with me while she has this other guy. That might be punishment enough. I just dont know if we will ever be out of each others lives completely. idk if thats a good thing or a bad thing. only time will tell i guess.

[tresqua]

So she spent a lot of time with you at the party, but most of that time she was fighting with her boyfriend through texts. You spent the night with her, had sex with her, she is still not giving you any promises for the future and she's going to go back to her boyfriend and continue having sex with him, while you continue to wait around for her to maybe change her mind and come back to you. You may or may not tell her boyfriend that you slept with her, and she's worried that he will cheat on her. Is that about right? I think it is. You also don't know if the two of you never being out of each other's lifes completely is a good thing or a bad thing. I'm going to suggest that it's a VERY bad thing. It's no different from a deep flesh wound that never heals because you keep ripping the scabs off and rubbing more dirt in there to make it fester and ooze. She's not the only woman out there you know.

 

I imagine 4-5 of our friends really lost respect for her after seeing first hand whats shes doing with me while she has this other guy.

 

More likely they really lost respect for YOU.

[Ms Darcy]

You both are a morally-troubled mess. Everyone in this situation seems really self-absorbed. I know you are sad, but I think you are better than this.

[HeartGoesOn]

Sounds like the only person that you punished is yourself.

[No1her]

no wat its at the very least a 50 50 lose respect for. i didnt really do to much wrong, i didnt cheat on anyone she did.

[tresqua]

no wat its at the very least a 50 50 lose respect for. i didnt really do to much wrong, i didnt cheat on anyone she did.

 

Ok you win, it's 50/50 on the loss of respect. Not sure that undeserved loss of respect is the biggest issue here though.

[No1her]

agreed : /

forgot to mention, I said why are u doing this and could not get a straight answer. she said its not so cut and dry, u dont understand. i said ok explain it. she kept fubmling her words and i never did get a good response. She finnally said she never feels good enough for anyone. to which i said thats an excuse. she cryed more, and then i backed off on the i think thats an excuse remark. but i honestly do think it is. she again said shes not good enough for either of us, and altho it could be true b/c thats been a problem of hers her whole life. i still dont think i buy it. before i left she said shes thinks about me all the time, and wants to email me sometimes, but dosent. I said i guess u can if u want. idk if ill answer everyone. i get the feeling she will shoot an email sooner rather than later. she also tryed to shake my hand and say friends? i said no. she said acquaintainces? i said no. i know this means nothing, but i have told her time and time again that i will never be her friend. ever

[tresqua]

I said why are u doing this...i still dont think i buy it.

 

So what if it's an excuse, and so what if you don't buy it? She's got another boyfriend and she wants you to be there as her "friend" during the times she feels lonely or has a fight with him and wants some "revente sex". It's time to put this whole mess behind you.

 

she also tryed to shake my hand and say friends? i said no. she said acquaintainces? i said no. i know this means nothing, but i have told her time and time again that i will never be her friend. ever

 

What about:

 

amigo

cohert

companion

associatiate

fellow

comrade

partner

mate

 

That's all my thesaurus came up with but you need to be prepared for your next interaction with her.

[No1her]

so i know i definitely do need to just walk away, and that what im about to say is wrong, but hypothetically lets say im there her whole life, im there for this and that, and when she needs help, and if something goes wrong, and we continue to have sex, and one day they break up. at that point, arent i the one she prob goes back to? u hear stories of this kindof stuff alot. now im not ok with being the safety netting, but i care to much about this girl to just write her off forever. i guess what im really saying is... i m nowhere near over this. Eventually i wont give a * * * * about her right? thats where i need to be, and thats the only way i wont let her continue this type of behavior with me : / hate to admit it. i guess this is what people who are down on themselves do : /

I guess its also possible if i let her hang on for soo long that she will see me as weak, or pathetic, or a puzzy and not want me back to tho. idk

she told me she no longer sees her therapist... i think i need to start seeing mine again.

[tresqua]

Eventually i wont give a * * * * about her right? thats where i need to be, and thats the only way i wont let her continue this type of behavior with me : / hate to admit it. i guess this is what people who are down on themselves do : /

I guess its also possible if i let her hang on for soo long that she will see me as weak, or pathetic, or a puzzy and not want me back to tho.

 

You just covered all the main reasons why it's so important that a dumpees go "no contact" after a breakup.

[Danny77]

Dude what you are describing in your last post is the behaviour of a slave.

Waiting and waiting for her to finish having fun and expierencing relationships only to be there when they go wrong!

 

What about your life?

Where's your fun in all of this?

 

This is like the most painful way of getting over someone I've ever read.

Surely NC is the better option?

[No1her]

yup... im just to into the sex i guess. im actively trying with other girls, but even when ive had the chance so far, shes entered my mind. ughh im working on it. i feel pretty good today.

[Ms Darcy]

no wat its at the very least a 50 50 lose respect for. i didnt really do to much wrong, i didnt cheat on anyone she did.

 

Actions have consequences. If you are willing to cheat with someone, I'm not surprised no so great things start to happen right back to you. It's the reap what you sew principle.