Memorabilia From Past Relationships

[Java731]

I have a question for everyone.

How do you feel about your partner keeping memorabilia from past relationships?

It could be a photo of them together, gifts received, etc.

 

Or vise versa,

 

Do you keep such things and your partner doesn't know about them? If they do know, do they not like it?

 

Feel free to share and comment.

[pennyloafer2]

I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping it - in a shoebox somewhere. I have a problem when it's on display, all over their facebook, etc.

[guynextdoor]

Not an issue with me. If my SO kept something from previous relationship because it was a happy moment in their life then why not? Now if it was previous wedding pictures displayed where I can see it then it would be an issue.

[OptomisticGirl]

I have a question for everyone.

How do you feel about your partner keeping memorabilia from past relationships?

It could be a photo of them together, gifts received, etc.

 

Or vise versa,

 

Do you keep such things and your partner doesn't know about them? If they do know, do they not like it?

 

Feel free to share and comment.

 

It really wouldn't bother me but my fiance is the type when a relationship ends, he throws everything out that reminded him of that person. I shredded or gave away what i could that my ex gave me - and even sold some jewlery he gave me.

[Java731]

I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping it - in a shoebox somewhere. I have a problem when it's on display, all over their facebook, etc.

 

If it's on display, all over facebook/myspace for example, would you ask you him or her to take it down because it bothered you?

I've had a similar type of situation, where my partner didn't really bother or care to take them down.

I never asked him to, maybe that's why. But I would think that out of respect for me, he would do so.

[Snny]

I have a question for everyone.

How do you feel about your partner keeping memorabilia from past relationships?

It could be a photo of them together, gifts received, etc.

 

Or vise versa,

 

Do you keep such things and your partner doesn't know about them? If they do know, do they not like it?

 

It really depends on the item and how it is stored. Though a relationship with my first love ended bitterly, I could never throw away his Military dogtags (replica for recruits, not actual real ones). He enlisted right after 9/11 and it's an important part of history that has deeply affected me during my last year of high school. Telling my current fiance about it is unnecessary and I have it stored in a jewelry box.

 

Just sayin'.

[Java731]

Not an issue with me. If my SO kept something from previous relationship because it was a happy moment in their life then why not? Now if it was previous wedding pictures displayed where I can see it then it would be an issue.

 

Even if this "something" was described along the lines of... pictures of them together being intimate, or personal letters/diaries written to each other.... you would be okay with her keeping them and may be reminiscing once in a while, because it made her happy at some point, correct?

Not so much of them being displayed, but kept in a separate box.

[OptomisticGirl]

Even if this "something" was described along the lines of... pictures of them together being intimate, or personal letters/diaries written to each other.... you would be okay with her keeping them and may be reminiscing once in a while, because it made her happy at some point, correct?

Not so much of them being displayed, but kept in a separate box.

 

They can easily reminisce without those things things. All they need do is REMEMBER.

[Java731]

They can easily reminisce without those things things. All they need do is REMEMBER.

 

Very True, but I was stressing that when you see something in front of you, like a photo, it becomes very vivid.

But yes, it's identical to the concept of reminiscing by the song you listen to or the place you visited when you were with that person.

[OptomisticGirl]

Very True, but I was stressing that when you see something in front of you, like a photo, it becomes very vivid.

But yes, it's identical to the concept of reminiscing by the song you listen to or the place you visited when you were with that person.

 

It depends on the situation, as well. What if they have kids with this person? Wile it may be odd to have a wedding photo of an ex out with someone new, if you have kids, I can almost see why you do.

[Java731]

I'm guessing... HOW you ended things with your past relationships has a lot to do with it.

For example, the feelings you felt with him/her lastly may play a big role. You're less likely going to store things and keep them when you were the dumper, and was literally sick and tired of the other person, no left for them whatsoever. The dumpee may feel the same way but in a bitter state.

But if the situation was where two people dearly loved each other and had to separate for some reason, then it'd make more sense.

 

I may be wrong, but I think it raises a good point.

People may keep memorabilia from past relationships for many reasons. Some may not have moved on and are yearning for the past secretly. Some may just want to keep it because it's something to think about along the road. Some just likes to keep everything (hoarders), and not throw things away.

[OptomisticGirl]

I'm the latter. I still have small things my friends and I gave each other in high school and before that. It's just nice to take it away 30 years from now and go I remember that! But things with my ex I got rid of, gave all my stuffed animals he had given to me to my niece.

[pennyloafer2]

If it's on display, all over facebook/myspace for example, would you ask you him or her to take it down because it bothered you?

I've had a similar type of situation, where my partner didn't really bother or care to take them down.

I never asked him to, maybe that's why. But I would think that out of respect for me, he would do so.

 

I'm in a relationship with someone that has albums on facebook dedicated to his ex, pictures of them kissing, etc. He has paintings they did together all over his house. He has their anniversary still listed on his calendar app.

Does it bother me? A hell of a lot.

But I won't ask for any of it to be removed. Maybe I'm too prideful, or I don't like seeming jealous/insecure. Who knows.

[Java731]

It really wouldn't bother me but my fiance is the type when a relationship ends, he throws everything out that reminded him of that person. I shredded or gave away what i could that my ex gave me - and even sold some jewlery he gave me.

 

Did you give away/sold things because he meant nothing to you anymore? Or because you absolutely wanted to get rid of anything of some sort pointing to his existence? Or just because??

I'm curious to know other people's motive to throw things away or give them away when the relationship is over.

For me, I've done so because I wanted to be not reminded of him ever again; that being so, because he's the one that left me.

If it was the other way around, I don't think I would've even bothered to throw things away. I wouldn't even care about it.

[OptomisticGirl]

Did you give away/sold things because he meant nothing to you anymore? Or because you absolutely wanted to get rid of anything of some sort pointing to his existence? Or just because??

I'm curious to know other people's motive to throw things away or give them away when the relationship is over.

For me, I've done so because I wanted to be not reminded of him ever again; that being so, because he's the one that left me.

If it was the other way around, I don't think I would've even bothered to throw things away. I wouldn't even care about it.

 

Little of all 3, lol. He meant nothing to me, I no longer had feelings for him and I didn't want a box in my closet with stuff that reminded me of him. My fiance was the dumper in his first relationship so to say (she did something but he ended it) and he threw everything of hers away.

[Java731]

It depends on the situation, as well. What if they have kids with this person? Wile it may be odd to have a wedding photo of an ex out with someone new, if you have kids, I can almost see why you do.

 

Good point.

If kids are involved, it would make sense as to why they may have a family photo out in front of a new special someone.

But eh,,,,I don't know so much about your wedding picture with your ex.. I think that would be a bit too much?

And I guess it's more of a respect thing for me.

[OptomisticGirl]

But respect goes both ways. You have to respect them for who they are, past and all.

[Java731]

I'm in a relationship with someone that has albums on facebook dedicated to his ex, pictures of them kissing, etc. He has paintings they did together all over his house. He has their anniversary still listed on his calendar app.

Does it bother me? A hell of a lot.

But I won't ask for any of it to be removed. Maybe I'm too prideful, or I don't like seeming jealous/insecure. Who knows.

 

Wow. You must be very good at controlling your insecurities or dealing with emotions.

But at what point can you draw the line.. and say it's too much?

As much as it bothers you, have you ever told him how it made you feel? Not with the intention of asking him to move, but so he may understand how you feel about it.

I don't think it hurts to let him know that =)

[pennyloafer2]

Wow. You must be very good at controlling your insecurities or dealing with emotions.

But at what point can you draw the line.. and say it's too much?

As much as it bothers you, have you ever told him how it made you feel? Not with the intention of asking him to move, but so he may understand how you feel about it.

I don't think it hurts to let him know that =)

 

Actually, it's what I'm dealing with now. It's bothered me for a while, and I think its only honest for me at this point to tell him that its my opinion that he should let go of his past. The problem is, I don't know how to say it without being confrontational. I'm revising and revising the email over and over. It's a touchy subject for him, but we've been together for about a year. So I'm gonna say something, if I find the right words.

[OptomisticGirl]

Actually, it's what I'm dealing with now. It's bothered me for a while, and I think its only honest for me at this point to tell him that its my opinion that he should let go of his past. The problem is, I don't know how to say it without being confrontational. I'm revising and revising the email over and over. It's a touchy subject for him, but we've been together for about a year. So I'm gonna say something, if I find the right words.

 

My inbox is full pennyloafer - I"m currently on restricted access - just wanted to let you know. You can still reach me threw here though.

[pennyloafer2]

Its alright. I wanted to send you the email, but I don't want it public.

[OptomisticGirl]

Could it be you guys just have different views when it comes to this? Him keeping all this and you not keeping stuff or not feeling comfortable with him doing it PL?

[DoGGYtREAts]

I do Have a few things from my ex GF's but i don't go about flaunting them or displaying them infront of my fiancee. They have significant memories of my life attached to them so i keep them in a little box stashed away, Along with some WW2 stuff my grandfather left me, it's become my little box o' memories lol. Just Like I would never sell my Grandpa's Luger he confiscated during WW2- It's a family heirloom. it has sentimental value to me just like trinkets from places i went /things i did with my exes that were a big deal to me during those years

[Unknown1607307972]

I have super low confidence issues and I used to obsess over my boyfriend's ex constantly, I've gotten a lot better now though. If a man had pictures with his ex still I'd just hope he has them hidden away where I won't see them. It's not that I live in a fantasy where nobody has ever been with anyone before me, I just don't want to see visual proof of it as I begin to compare myself to the ex and make myself seem inferior. I don't want to demand that he get rid of stuff, I just don't want to be aware of it, as long as it's only being kept for memory's sake and not because he is in love with her then it shouldn't matter.

 

I don't really like stuff from the ex around but it can also be that you honestly didn't know it was there. I felt like such a hypocrite for getting upset over finding something from them while helping my boyfriend move because when I moved in with him a year later I found a valentines card from my own ex that I'd completely forgotten too (and I wanted to get rid of everything from this ex, I was the dumper but while I can understand saying things when hurt he took it way too far way too long afterwards).

[dali]

photos and gifts you can keep them in a shoe box and pack it deep inside the closet. if you keep looking at them and can't let go it's probably better to throw them away.

 

online photos i would back up on a disk and delete then put the disk into the shoebox, nothing more depressing than looking at past pics on facebook.

 

if your not the sentimental type just bin it all.