Advice anyone?

[lostandscared5]

Hey you guys,

 

I went on link removed (OKC) and I met this guy (B). Our match was 99% and so I decided to give it a try. We started emailing each other back and forth, exchanged numbers and then finally met up. All of this happened in a short period of time, since we have so much in common and so much to talk about. We are always texting, talking and emailing each other. He has always been there for me and it seems like we are hitting it off pretty well. We have came to the agreement that we will take things slow and give each other 6-7 months of a grace period to get to know each other before we decide whether we will go out as boyfriend/girlfriend or not.

 

B is ten years older than I am and is about two inches shorter than I am. It was weird for me that first time we met up because I have never dated or gone out with anyone that much shorter than I am. I think he felt the same way as well. He has told me that he has come to develop feelings for me and even gone as far as say I will always be there be you. All he wants is for me to be happy.

 

The fact that he is shorter and older than me by ten years have been bothering me, and yet I do not want to give up on the connection that we have with each other. I have told my mom that it bothers me that he is shorter than me and she has suggested that I cut all ties with him and I understand where she is coming from. Cuz if I don't, it would seem like I'm leading him on right? But if I did tell him, then he would feel rejected and hurt, which is something that I do not want.

 

But the question now is can I be friends with him knowing that he has feelings for me and might one day expect more from me?

 

Please feel free to comment thanks.

[guynextdoor]

If he has feelings for you then I suggest to break it off to him as soon as possible so he could find someone that wouldn't reject him because of his height.

[MyNinja]

A quick question. Do they show all of the demographics of the individual such as height, age, ethicity, etc regardless af the match percentage on okcupid?

 

Weren't you able to find out all of this before you met up?

[blacklantana]

Don't be the person who tells people what they want to hear. Be the person who tells people what they need to hear.

 

I prefer truth 100% of the time. I'd rather a girl tell me she can't be with me or see me how I see her, and tell me WHY. He sounds like a genuine guy, so you should at least do him a favor and tell him the truth. And yes, don't be the girl who leads him on. You need to consider his future, not his present feelings. If you don't see him in the same way he sees you, help him move on by telling him the reality of the situation.

 

Before I comment any further, how long have you two known each other?

[TakingtheBlame]

Wait...I'm confused. Are you considering NOT telling him that you're not interested in him and continuing to just hang out with him as a friend? If so, no, that's not cool...he met you on a DATING site, not a meet-new-friends site, so just hanging out with him and never mentioning that you're not interested is wasting his time (since I assume he's looking to date.) Tell him you're not interested and let him decide whether he still wants to be friends with you or not.

[lostandscared5]

Hi everyone, yes the demographics are there on the website. I thought that I would not mind hanging out with someone who is two inches shorter than I am, and I never thought that he would develop feelings for me so quick or that we would click with each other that well. He just said that he is looking for new friends on the profile and that is what I am doing too. He has listed out about nine reasons why he do not want to get into another relationship. As for how long we've met, not very long (we met at the beginning of this month on OKC). I don't know whether I am interested in him or not, but I have asked him if he is okay with just being friends with me and he said yes. We have only met once. His main thing is still as long as I am happy. He is scared of being rejected and I don't want him to add me onto that list. I am really conflicted about this.

[Batya33]

I am friends with someone I first met through a dating site but we never dated and actually didn't meet in person until after I was married (and we met while he was on a first meet with someone in my city!). We decided early on that because of the long distance factor we weren't a good match so we stayed in touch through email/phone. I am also still friendly with a few guys I dated who I originally met on a dating site - it works because there are no romantic feelings and in both cases we're happily involved with other people. I think it can work but only if his romantic attraction to you is on the very weak side so that he is truly content with just a friendship.

[lostandscared5]

Hi Batya33,

 

Thanks for your input. I sure hopes that this works out too. I do not want to be another person to hurt and reject him. Getting together and then breaking up with me would even be more painful for both of us to deal with, and at this point, we are both scared of that. I just want to continue being friends with him. That way we can both be happy. Will he be happy once I get into a relationship, I sure hope so. But that is too far ahead into the future and I do not want to think too far ahead.

 

Lostandscared5

 

 

I think it can work but only if his romantic attraction to you is on the very weak side so that he is truly content with just a friendship.

[Batya33]

Hi Batya33,

 

Thanks for your input. I sure hopes that this works out too. I do not want to be another person to hurt and reject him. Getting together and then breaking up with me would even be more painful for both of us to deal with, and at this point, we are both scared of that. I just want to continue being friends with him. That way we can both be happy. Will he be happy once I get into a relationship, I sure hope so. But that is too far ahead into the future and I do not want to think too far ahead.

 

Lostandscared5

 

Oh don't do it because you feel sorry for him - my guess is that he will be snapped up very soon by a person who is attracted to him and doesn't have an issue with his height.

[MyNinja]

I was completely sideswiped by a guy about four years ago. I was on a train ride and this guy came walking down the aisle and doubled back as if he forgot something just to talk to me. I was sitting and he was standing alongside the chair. From a sitting position and the way I was kind of slouched down in the chair, this guy appeard to be taller than he was. We were talking and whatnot and he asked me my age. At the time I was 21 and I asked his and he didn't tell me right away but went to the next subject. Before he left I nicely asked his age again and he said 30. (I found out later he lied. He was really 42, but that's a different story). I was about to stand up to shake his hand (and head for the bathroom)and I think he saw this and quickly kneeled beside me so show me a CD he was working on. I was kind of taken back by his abrupt move.

 

I told him I had to go to the bathroom and he asked for my number. I said sure why not ( I just wanted to end things quickly because I really had to go, lol) so he took off after that.

 

When I got back in town he called and wanted to meet up again. I met up with him only to see he was a good 5 to 6 inches shorter than I. His head came to my chin. It was weird because he seemed much taller!! Then he confessed he was really 42. I told him it wouldn't work, but it was nice meeting him. The whole thing was just strange and it seemed he knew he was shorter than me and didn't want me to see it before out of fear of being rejected. I didn't like the fact that he lied about his age. He shaved over a decade off (he looked somewhat young on the train, but in the daylight when I saw him again it was clear he was older)

[TakingtheBlame]

OK well that's different...if he listed himself as seeking "just friends" on the dating site and said he was OK with being just friends, then he's made his bed and needs to lie in it. There comes a point when an adult needs to know exactly what he wants out of life and love, and needs to represent himself authentically, or he has nobody to blame but himself if he gets hurt in the end. If you do genuinely enjoy his friendship (and not just the ego-boosting idea of some guy hanging around and admiring you from afar, hoping you will fall for him) and he has agreed to that arrangement, then I see no point in trying to protect him from his own denial (which may or may not even exist.) If he begins to push for more, though, at that point you may want to cut things off completely, as it will become clear he is not content with just a friendship.

 

I, too, have remained good friends with a few guys that I met on dating sites...but with the exception of one or two who were friends/pen pals from the start (both geographically inconvenient; I don't do LDRs,) they were guys I dated briefly and some heartache resulted in each case before we were able to move down the friendship path.

[lostandscared5]

Hi everyone, here is a quick update. I told him that I have a concern that he would tell me one day that I was leading him on and he was like you are just being silly I would never leave you as your friend whether you have a boyfriend or not. He said that he already knew in his heart that we won't ever work out and that it was best that we remain the best of friends. That he is just happy and content with being my friend. The feeling that I got once I heard that was bittersweet. I was somewhat relieved to hear that because I didn't hurt or reject him by telling him we couldn't be together because of his height. And yet, I felt like it was my loss because he has some qualities that I am looking for in a boyfriend. I don't know if things between me and him will ever be the same after this. Sigh.

[lostandscared5]

Update

 

I woke up this morning to B's text message of I miss you and then I won't bother you from now on if you don't want me to. And then we started texting each other back and forth. He told me that he wants to be my boyfriend because we have so much in common, because we make each other happy and because he has fallen for me. How did this happen? It has only been two weeks and we started out as friends and all of a sudden things changed. He also told me that he knew deep down in his heart that we could never work out as a couple, said that something is gone from our friendship and is not coming back (not sure what that means) in one of his emails to me. He went out drinking last night and got drunk. How did things change so fast and what is going to happen now? Will things between us ever be the same? How can an agreement of being friends for six months suddenly change to one where one party has fallen for the other so quickly?