Comparing with the new girlfriend of my ex

[xinyuan]

I was with my ex boyfriend for around 1 year.That was my first serious relationship and he's my first guy. I felt (or maybe still feel) that he had all the qualities I want in a partner. But apparently the relationship didn't work out. He wanted to break up when we were still together, partially because that he liked one of his colleagues.

It sounds stupid that I tried so hard to stay with him even though I already knew at that time he wanted somebody else. Besides, he constantly tells "small" lies before(He told me that he had already broken up with his ex while in fact they were still together),during and after our relationship (He tired to hide the fact that he was dating with other girls and stuff). And when we were together,he frequently made fun of the way in which I dressed up (the education I got from my parents is that inner beauty is more important than appearance), which didn't help to build up the self confidence he condamned I was lack of.

We broke up last October and I came here to Europe to study my master degree. I traveld a lot and enjoyed great time here. And I have been with another guy too.

I have all the reason to move on.But still I have been hanging on with the past and suffered a lot.On the contrary it wasn't hard for him to start brand new again, he started dating weeks after I left and got a new gf in months.I called him regularly and he encourage me doing so but several times when he was with his new girl, he treated me really badly over phone. The thing that makes it harder is are all photography lovers, and i can see the pictures he took of his new gf in his web site.

My problem right now isn't even how to get over him. But a question lingering in my mind: Why that girl? or ,Why those girls? This new girl doesn't even speak english .(My ex is from Canada and he doesn't speak chinese)I asked him a lot of times why he chose her, but my ex always refuses to answer. All I know about her is from the pictures that she spends a lot of time in clothes and stuff. I don't know if such superficial thing is so important. ( It doesn't mean that I don't take care of myself,but there are qualities on which I put more value) or it's just that I liked the wrong person.

what should I do?

[aireyc]

You have to realize that there are a ton of other guys out there who have the same qualities but will treat you with the respect you deserve. Don't let this one guy play with your mind. He doesn't seem to care anymore and he has moved on with his life... now is the time for you to do the same. Continue on as you have and try to find new people to talk to. You weren't treated fairly after being who you are, so there lies the problem.

 

Chris

[sane_syko]

hey sweetie...i'm gonna try to make u see the light and stop thinkin about that bastard....for u got played cause he was with u and his "ex" and maybe others as well maybe he did have everything u wanted in a partner and u were so blinded by that u didn't wanna see anything else, now if someone really cares about u they would never make fun of u on purpose jus to make u feel bad ok...so wat if ur chose of clothes isn't wat everyone else is into its ur choice and as ur partner he was suppose to accpet that and not complain, sweetie i'm a guy and i'm not afraid to tell ya most guys are jerks (no offence guys) my advice get to know someone first make them care for u and once they can care for u the way u would care for them then that is someone worth being with.

I no ur probably still hurting right now but i don't think u should give him that satisfaction of missing him cause he definitelt ain't missin u..try goin out makin new friends...and i mean friends nothing special jus ppl to talk to and occupy ur time ok...if within a friendship something happens then jus go with the flow don't rush into anything, and like i said before most guys are jerks but that doesn't mean all ok don't make all pay for one...but for now go out make new friends and have fun...ok sweetie

[TrueHeart]

Well to be completely honest here, which I think would help you more than trying to blow sunshine--- I think you really need to stop worrying about what and why he chooses anything. Especially, if the 'small' little 'white lies' he tells or has told to you involve being unfaithful, cheating and being completely untrustworthy. I'll admit that the first guy you're always with will always carry a special piece of your heart, forever. I still in ways love my first boyfriend/fiancee, but I remember the good times we had instead of focusing on why he married a control-freak and knocked her up too-- someone who was COMPLETELY opposite of ME, and did everything that would annoy him normally... Could NEVER understand it... but goes to show you that people change all the time... I'm thankful I got to know him in the time I had--

 

Chances are, he picked someone who is weak-minded so he can manipulate her (or them) more... and you should feel smarter for not wanting to be in that situation...

 

If you've already moved on, I'd stay on your path. Leave this guy in your past-- you're already working on your master's degree in Europe, good for you! Stay on that path and don't look back. The reason he was getting so upset and even not answering your questions is because he probably felt like you were unjustly cornering him because you are no longer an item. Frankly, even though you were curious as to who, what, why he chose whomever, it is simply not your business-- and his silence in your question should have said that loud and clear. I've learned NEVER to step on your shadow once its passed you.... You can't change or control anything he does, and thats simply because he doesn't want to change. Move on, meet new people and saturate your life with positiveness and with good people who can be true to their word and respect your feelings...