ferna3069 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 well this is the last thing i remember i did.i already posted everything else but this one i just remember and i cant stop thinking about it.im not trying to say everything is my exes fault. and i try to say everything i did wrong.everything i remember. i came clean with what her mom said to come clean with but then there is this part where it was never mentioned. i regret doing it and i know i have no excuse. this is what happened.my ex and i came home from a walk. she slept the whole day that day. well the next day she woke up i asked her what was wrong. she was telling me how she was scared of the world. and i asked her if she wanted to be friends. well she asked if we can. after that she flipped over and i asked her to wake up. i tried fliping her back over asking her to wake up. i was feeling cofused asking her whats going on. i kept saying wake up common whats wrong? she would say let me go to sleep. i feel real bad about this. i know there is no excuse for trying to flip her around. i just felt so frustruated i felt like she broke my heart and did not want to tell me what was going on. i never hit her but i know its wrong. i come clean with the things i do. i dont want to make it one sided.reason why i want to make it two sided is because i know i need to change for the better. this is the first time i did it and i feel terrible Link to comment
LP90 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Good for you man, getting it off your chest is a great way to free your mind and move on. You didnt do anything wrong and you should know that. I wouldve done the same thing, look a person in the eye and find out whats wrong. She was clearly depressed and did not want to talk or hear you out. Get everything that bothers you off your chest, if not on ENA, maybe a journal or just talk it over with someone you trust. You know your conscience is clear and that you did nothing wrong, let her worry about what things she has faulted in. I still feel like i did something wrong here or there even though i never did anything wrong to my ex. Just have regrets that make me wonder if i did them differently if we would still be together. What you did would not have changed how she felt, so you shouldnt regret it or feel guilty. Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 dude i tried to flipp her around thats wrong. maybe i need to go to an anger management class or something i feel terrible about this, Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 i feel terrible about this, argh i cant believe i ever acted like this.im regreting every single second of ot Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 i know im venting but im feeling like a terrible person Link to comment
quirky Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 You know..I remember going through that phase of self loathing. I remebered things that I did that were less than perfect, not so civilised, not very respectful and I remember thinking that I am totally messed up and I touch on at least 5 or 6 different mental disorders. But in reality I think people are simply complicated and at times of pain noone can be perfect. I doubt she thinks anything of it. I think researching on feelings and relationships a lot can cause you to have that scrutinising outlook and pick and analyse every single thing. Try as much as you can to balance out your perspective. Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 quirky can i get some advice from u i like what your saying Link to comment
LP90 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 You did nothing wrong, especially since it only happened once. Look at it though, no one was hurt. She might have felt something "wrong" but it was already there before you even touched her. She was already in a weird place, you didnt put her there by any means. You have to realize that EVERYONE does and will go through a phase where they think they did something SO wrong its unforgivable. I garauntee you will look back at this situation and the feelings you have right now in a week or so and laugh to yourself because you wont know why you felt so terrible. Dont dwell on it so much. Realize it already happened and its already loooong over. Nothing you can do, think or say with change it now. It was a learning experience and now you will know how to aproach it next time. Do yourself a favor, write down here or on paper or wherever you want, something positive you gained from that happening. Something you learned, something you realized, how you felt before, during or after, but only positive. Dont say there isnt anything either, there is ALWAYS something positive even in the bad things we do. Just try it out and see how you feel. If that thought or word makes you feel even a BIT better, repeat that thought or idea over and over till you calm yourself down or feel a bit better from it. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 you really need to drop all this. Link to comment
quirky Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 ferna, I think only time will heal things. People see things from a different perspective, what you think is ok your ex thinks is awfull. What you think is beautiful the next person thinks is nothing. If you have identified some things you may have done wrong it is a good thing and it will help with your healing. It is usually both people that have done something 'wrong' in the relationship. The order tends to be 'What the hell is happening, I must have been so awfull' to ' Actually...it was HER fault' to ' I can see why she left me, I am nothing'.. Eventually things balance out. I think it may be important to you to consider why you find it so hard to let go considering all the mess. Something is keeping you attached, try and find out what. I am happy to help when I can but I try to protect my own sanity lately..lol, I aim to put more energy in other areas. But I do hope I helped a bit. Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 so what your saying is it was wrong but not wrong at the same time? kinda like i did it to see what was going on, on her head but not trying to hurt her?i know im not over her yet and no im not planning on contacting her any more. i just need to let everything go. i dont know whenever i have a break up things like this happen. i need to talk off everything that ever botherd me . there is times i feel bad and i come on here to vent Link to comment
JonesyE Posted October 29, 2011 Share Posted October 29, 2011 you really need to drop all this. I agree with MakeItCount.. If she was as bad as your four pages of posts suggest then why would flipping her over even matter? Unless of course there is something bigger that you feel bad for and you are using this situation to say it.. Either way. I am sure your relationship is over for good. And I have read some other posts of yours its kind of weird how you are so fixated on someone you obviously find terrible. Drop it and move on. I am sure she has Link to comment
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