Why cant I get over him?

[if only]

I was with my ex for over 5 years I truly loved him and thought he felt the same, but in the end it was not enough for him to make it last. As they say the grass is always greener on the other side.

 

Problem is I just cant seem to get over him. The first two months were fine I enjoyed growing as a person seeing old friends and just being me, then I found out he met someone else a week after we split!!! (his reason for breaking was he wanted to be single as he had always been in a relationship since he was 15. I excepted this) I don't feel upset about him being with someone else as I know it is none of my business and I cant change anything. I think the real problem is the break was so unexpected (just a couple of days before he was telling friends and family how much he loved me and couldn't imagine ever being without me)

 

I excepted his reasons for being single but now I have no reason for the break. I feel life is really unfair why should he be happy with someone new when he wanted to be single and yet I am on my own when I didn't want to be single and still suffering?!

 

I was doing so well and I have heard a few people mention the 4 month relapse which is what I feel I am going though now. I just want to forget him. I have so much stuff in my head from what he used to tell me that could really hurt him if I was to talk to the wrong people about it and if I wanted to I could split him and his new GF up as we had a bit of a 'thing' happen after I found out about her and again he was far too honest about her.

 

I am trying so hard not to become bitter and twisted, im not a nasty person I promise and I wouldn't want to purposely hurt him but I just don't get how he can be happy and I cant?!! life is not fair at all.

 

Does anyone else get these relapses and how long does it take to truly get over someone?

[Tolly]

You have to be careful of that bitterness. If you dont REALLY fight it, it will take over and ruin our life. I'm stuck in a similar cycle and I'm bitter after 18 months. Its got to the point where I cant remember life without anger and bitterness.

 

Dont focus on him at all. Focus on you and forget him and his new fancy woman. Keep on going out with your friends, do the things you always wanted to do, spoil yourself for a while. All these things help, as does going away somewhere different for a week, esp with your mates.

[if only]

Trust me so far I have done so well not to be bitter, I started NC straight away so I didnt go through the begging and pleading part which I am proud of.

 

I even saw them together and I was nice enought to go over and say hi but just over the past couple of weeks these bad feelings keep coming back I need a way to get through it.

 

Any ideas? R u over your ex yet?

[Charlee]

There is no measured length of time it takes to get over a lost love and move on totally.

 

You say you were together 5 years, so it may take some time.

 

Take each day as it comes and ride out the emotional roller coaster. Expect good and bad days.

 

My advice is NC and socialise as much as possible. Try differant things, go new places, meet new people and discover a new better you. I found shifting furniture around and putting up new pictures, getting new ornaments etc really helped.

 

Also use your friends to outpour your feelings and cry on their shoulders.

 

Hang in there, I have been where you are now, it is horrid, and although it is hard for you to believe now, there will come a day when your over it.