Should I try to get her back? Can anyone give me some advice

[SadMan]

I just broke up with my girlfriend about three weeks ago. We've been together a little less than 4 years and I really dont know what I should do.

 

We've had a brake up a little less than a year ago. I guess I treat her really bad back then. I yelled at her, called her names when I was really in a bad mood or when she really pissed me off. About a year ago, I yelled at her because my parents gave me a lot of pressure dealing with my sister's issues, I kinda took it out on her one day in front of my parents. Ever since then, she was very cold to me.

 

After few weeks, when everything seemed to be normal, it was her birthday. On that day, we had a college writing test in the morning and I was so worry about the test that I totally forgot about her birthday. After the test was over, then I relized that it was her birthday and said happy birthday to her with no presents, no plans what so ever. She was kind of mad but then after a while, she told me its okay, I understand. Then that same night, she called me and she wanted to breakup with me. I was in shock because I wasnt expecting that. I told her I was sorry and everything and then the next day, I bought her presents and everything and waiting at her house. I thought that was going to cover it but I was wrong. She spend the whole afternoon telling me to move on and nothing is going to work. I got the idea and try more but nothing worked.

 

In the mean time, the knight in shiny armor (HER EX-BOYFRIEND)called her and comfort her then they were once again together. So I took the hint and just be friends with her for a few weeks. I kept dateing her and eventually, I showed her enough that I cared and wanted her to come back. Then we to got back together. And she broke up with her Ex-boyfriend.

 

The first three months after we got back together was like REALLY the first three months that we first dated 4 years ago. But everything starting to fall apart. My guess was that her ex-boyfriend got over the sadness and decided to call her and start things over again. She hided that they were calling eachother until I found out from her e-mails. I asked her about it and she told me excuses about why they were contacting. I was stupid then and believed every word she said. Then later, she still continue to contact with him and the more I ask her about it, the more lies comes out of her mouth and until I cant take it anymore, I cave in and told her that they can contact as long as she let me know about it and not LIE to me anymore. That did not acomplish anything and she continue to lie about every little detail. She kept telling me that they are just and ONLY friends. Now that I didnt believe.

 

until recently, I found out that her ex-boyfriend is coming to visit her from 10 thousand miles away. I asked her about it but all I got was deinal and lies. She even gave me hints that she would be about of town with her family for a few days and it so happened that the days was the same time that he was coming to visit her. I asked her many time if I can come along with her and he just puased and said I am not sure if I am going or not and some other lies. She kept telling me that they are just friends

 

When he finally came, I couldnt stand it and fought with her when she had to leave to the airport to pick him up. I was mad, upset, and sad. I went out that night to a club with my friends and I look at my watch every 10 mins and wonder if she was home. When she got home, I asked her what time did she get home. She told me she got home at 1030pm but when she called me, it was 12 30. I asked her why she didnt call me right when she get home coz I told her to call me RIGHT when she got home. She gave me a bunch of excuses and at first, I actually BELIEVED what she said. But then I thought about it and asked her more questions, there was so much time conflicts that she could not possiblely be home by 1030. I was really upset that she lied to me in person and I showed her and busted her right in front of her.

 

After that I just left and didnt call her for a few days. Then one day, she came up to me at school with her new BEBEs and Gucci bags that her so called friend bought her. After that I just ignore her because I really know what is happening between them and I got the picture.

 

But the more I ignore her, the more that I piss her off. after a few days she called me and reminded me things that she know I will normally forget and she was being nice to me. And I noticed that once I saw her mad and everything, I started to be nice to her and then next day she turned cold on me. This has happened REPEATEDLY.

 

I am kind of mad at her for cheating on me but I still want to be nice to her. Everytime I be nice to her she turns around and treats me very COLD. I dont know what can I do here. Should I CARE or NOT CARE ?

Be friend or not be friend ? I still care about her and I still love her and theres a piece inside me that still wants to be with her but why does she have to treat me like this ? Revenage ? Fun ? I mean, all I wanted to do was to be nice and all I got was COLDNESS and turn downs.

 

I am sorry that this post is really long. I hope this can help me through depression.

 

Feel free to give me some advices because her birthday is this weekend and I planned her brithday at the beach house and I dont know what to do now....... should I continue with my plans for her birthday ? or just ignore it ? or just a phone call of happy birthday ?

 

Thanks

[pcardoso]

Hey

 

What a complicated situation.

First of hall – her birthday: I think you should call her, but nothing more. You can’t make plans because you don’t know what’s in her mind. She might have already made plans and (forgive me for the cruelty) those plans may not include you. Remember now you don’t have a relationship anymore, so both of you are free to do whatever you want. So my advice: call her, wish her all the happiness in the world and maybe she asks you to spend the birthday together. But leave that decision to her.

 

Second – What to do about her attitude: You have the experience. When you are distant, she misses you and call. So give her some distance, give her the opportunity to miss you, don’t be always available. And most important: live your life. You can’t depend on her or others to be happy. And you can’t expect nothing from her. Believe I know it’s hard, but you can’t do anything more.

You have to learn to enjoy yourself and do things that pleasure you. You will see that some anxiety will go and you’ll start to look at your situation with her with different eyes.

 

 

 

Good luck

[juno]

Your situation has become complicated. Yelling at a woman is something difficult to forget. she is punishing you for the things u made to her in he past. She knows she has u to play with but she doesnt trust u anymore. She is with the two guys now. U and the ex. She says they broke up. But u know a break up is hard to deal with. It usually takes time to recover. Move on but work on your issues. Why do u yell at women?. It seems that u convince yourself of your own exuses. Good luck.

[SadMan]

Thank you both so much to take the time to read my long post.

 

I just found out that my girlfirend is with her ex and they are turely together. I dont know what else I can do now and really have no direction in my life.

 

To answer juno's question, I yelled at her beacause I had so much anger inside me. I was childlish and cant handle about her past with her mishaps and her boyfriends. Now I think of it, I was very wrong of what I did. She trusted me once and told me almost every thing about herself. I reacted with anger after hearing them. I was anger because I care and I want to do something about it. Instead, I put the anger on her and asked, "Why didnt you do this, why didnt you do that".

 

That was very immature of me. I should comfort her and tell her everything will be alright, but I chose the childlish way. I guess I am still immature even tho I am 22, yet I think my state of mind is still at a 16 yr old.

 

I think people only learn from their mistakes. After this, I think I learn alot of valuable lesson and learn to mature a little.

 

Thank you both for your advises. I could use more advises on her birthday issues. I can only do so much at this point.

 

~SadMan~

[juno]

Hi sadman, Im really sorry that your relationship ended I know is damn painful. Try not to be friends for some time, the time necessary for you to be ok with your feelings. If it ok with you, you can be friends after you get over it. Just know you need time to learn to see her as a friend (it sucks I know). Keep reading this forums and keep yourself busy to feel better. Luck

[brandos lovechild]

hiya sadman. i would suggest ignoring or just staying away from contact with her. if when u first met her you wanted to be more than just friends with her ( have a relationship) , why would you want friendship from her now... there's nothing advantageous in allowing her to make you feel odd. good luck.

[qwark]

Hi sadman..be happy!

You have done nothing wrong.If she treats you like filth..u have the right to ignore her too.

She is playing games.If she really loved you.she would be good to you every day..not whenever she feels like.

I have been in this exact situation all through last year...can you believe that!1 whole year I wasted time on a girl who ignored me most of the time and talked to me whenever she felt like talking.

Okay heres the trick....

From now on..ignore her totally.Do not talk about her with anyone not even yourself..you may be tempted to think about the good times you've had.but rememebr if u go back and start it again you'll never heal.

The best way to heal is to avoid her forever and in the long run the only way.

[SadMan]

Hi everyone.....

 

for those of you who read my story before, you guys know the story.

 

But to make a long story short.

 

I broke up with my girlfriend 4 weeks ago and she got back with her ex boyfriend that lives over seas.

 

After our inital breakup, I was hurt and dead inside of me. She ignored me at first then I got the hints and I always started to ignore her, her calls, and try to move on and put my self back on track. She keeps calling every now and then, wanted to know where I was, and want to know what I was doing.

 

After I have started to achive some acomplishment, its the time of the year, Her birthday. On the day of her birthday, she called me many times. I got soft and answered one of her phone and ask her what is the problem. I end up taking her out for her birthday coz I know she have no one to spend the birthday with, not even her family.

 

That night I spend the last few hours of her birthday with her, we talked, walked then I huged her, she kinda hugged back, then when we got back in the car, I couldnt help myself and I kissed her.

 

After that night, everything changed back like 3 weeks ago. I noticed that has been very lonely for those three weeks because her current boyfriend lives overseas.

 

 

Should I keep this relationship ?

 

I still cares about her and I think I still loves her........ thats why is very hard for me to make any decisions.

 

Thanks

 

~SadMan~

[SwingFox]

Hi Sadman,

 

Thank you for posting your update her. First of all I want you to know that I can understand how you feel. It looks like that you still feel lost after being with your ex for quite some time and it must be hard, because you miss her.

 

You asked us for our point of view. My personal opinion does not really matter in this case. What you have to wonder is: "Am I comfortable in this situation?" If you feel that you can do this, without loosing your self respect and integrity and if you feel you are okay with this situation, go for it. It might be a good idea, though, to wonder: "What if I was her b/f overseas now?" How would you feel?

 

I would like to share some background information with you. This woman decided to leave you to be with someone else, even though this guy lives overseas. This was her decision and she knew the consequences of that decision: not being able to be together all the time. What I see now is that she might want to have it all. It looks like that she uses you for comfort and only then when it's convenient to her.

 

Once again, if you feel comfortable in that situation, you have my blessing. I know, though, that I couldn't see myself being in a situation like that.

 

I hope that this answered your question and I wish you good luck in any decision you make.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[RedWolf]

I would stay away from her no matter how much it hurts! Demand that she break up with this other guy or tell her to stay the hell away from you. If she can do it to him, she could do it to you....maybe she did in the past! Move on and find someone else. Seems what you two are really holding onto are the physical aspects of a relationship....which is not healthy when your used to both......my advice: change your number and go socialize!

[SadMan]

I think I need more of a women's point of view. I hope any one can help end my misery.... Thank you

 

~SadMan~