I don't know what to do. I'm scared of losing her forever

[Jyebo]

Hello

 

I have been broken up with my ex girlfriend of 2.5 years for a month now. She broke up with me because the relationship was becoming too routine and she wanted time to work on herself, with university, the gym and just having fun with her friends, basicallty she wasn't happy and didn't know how we could fix things. She said she still loves me, and that she's not ruling out getting back together, but at the moment she needs to find out how to be happy.

 

I've seen her 3 times since we broke up, and when i am with her it feels so good, which is why I'm always conflicting within myself on whether to call her again and take her out. But after i see her, i get so depressed that I can't think about anything but her and the following few days are very upsetting. I know that i need to do NC so i can heal, but i don't want to risk losing her beyond reconciliation.

 

I want to ask her many things which are on my mind, such as if she still loves me after a month of being broken up, whether she misses me, whether she feels that we can give it another chance, if she can see us together after she finishes uni this year and whether she still see's me as someone she can be in a relationship with. BUT I don't want to push her further away by bringing these things up. This is where the problem is.

 

What do you think i should do? Should i just bite the bullet and ask her these things, which may makes things worse, but maybe remove the uncertainity that i'm feeling? Or should i do NC until i can see her without being upset afterwards (if that is actually ever possible) and just try to make things as enjoyable as possible, like when we were dating? Or do you think i should do something different?

 

I feel like i need to tell you that we really were very good together, we never really had any problems, but she never tells me a problem until it builds up to an extreme point. Her friends tell me that she adores me, but isn't happy with how our relationship was heading.

 

She hasn't made any real effort to contact me, because she doesn't want to give me the wrong impression or hurt me any further. Which makes me think that at this stage she doesn't want to get back together, but i really don't know.. if i did, i probably wouldn't be asking for your advice.

 

Please let me know your thoughts.

[Mike_Wazowski]

Dude...I know your pain..trust me I do. The worst thing you can do is to bother her or smother her with attention or "What Happened to us..?" questions especially when she says she doesn't want you too.

 

She says she still loves you but she needs a break to 'Find herself/ improve herself'

 

Give her the space she needs. Trust me, she'll love you more if you leave her alone for a while as compared to always hounding her.

 

You should take this time to 'find yourself' as well...Think about your future, talk out your feelings with a friend, specifically a female friend. I have found that only a female can help me forget about another female.

 

And the point that you are getting close to another woman may leak back to your ex and.....well....jealousy can work for you in these situations...

 

Remember though, whatever happens...Walk like a man, not like a wimpering wounded punk. Go to the gym, pump some iron, improve yourself and your self confidence......

 

So many people believe in the Mr. Right or Mrs. Right person. They believe that there is only one person out there for them...Dude, that line is the biggest crock of Shiit I have ever heard. There are thousands of women out there who can make you happy for a life time Bro! If the one you're with now doesn't appreciate you, then find another.....

 

Good Luck Brother!

[Jyebo]

Thanks man,

 

That was real upbeat and positive. I liked it. Gives me a better perspective on things, I especially liked the "if she doesn't appreciate me, find another" part.

 

I really do love this chick, so i'm gunna give her space, chill out and work on myself, like you said.

 

Appreciated

 

Anyone else have an opinion?

[lisaria]

Hi Jyebo,

I'm sorry you're in this position and I hope you feel better soon.

I would have to say that I agree with Mike W., use this time for you. Do what makes you feel good and things that maybe you've not had time to do. You know, the things you wanted to do with your buddies, but instead did something with the g/f kind of things.

 

From a woman's perspective? Don't ask those things that your heart wants to know. It will make you seem needy and that is the last thing you want to do. You want to be strong, independent and fun. Even if it's not what you feel inside, fake it till you make it. Let her see the guy she fell in love with, not the one she left.

 

Not to bug you, Jyebo, but when someone says they didn't really have any problems in the relationship red flags go up in my head. So many times one person in the relationship will let things build up because they think that by not causing problems they will go away or maybe it isn't that important or I don't want to seem like a b@#ch sooooo......of course they don't say anything and then it's a whole different problem and by the time it's out in the open it's too damned late. And lots of times it is just the small things that build and build until it's huge. And then there are bigger problems in the relationship. Problems like respect and trust and being appreciative and remembering why you got together in the first place. So people who are in relationships here are four words of advice: TALK to each other. You would be so surprised how often we get too involved with our day to day living that we forget to communicate to the ones we love. And if something bothers you then for pete's sake SAY SO!!!

 

Ok, enough rambling for me....

Good luck Jyebo.

[Jyebo]

thanks for your advice. I'll be sure to put it into action. Look I know deep down that there were problems, and she wasn't talking about them.. but I don't see them as being problems we couldn't work on. The problem is, that now thats not the problem. my problem now is getting her back. Once I can do that, i'll make SURE to talk things over, and ensure we keep talking reguarly. I can't just go up and tell her this though.. I really don't know what to do. I don't know whats she thinking, so I don't know what she needs to hear or see. I know that once we're back together, I can fix the initial problems. But for now I've somehow got to get her back to that stage.