Is this normal for a relationship....?

[lilxcutie53]

So I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years. We both started working full time in December and so the only times we would be able to hang out is either after work or the weekends. We have to both share this time between our friends and family. He has way more friends then me who are always bored so hes never really sitting at home doing nothing like I am. Hes either with me or his friends. Anyways, before decemeber we were in a long distance relationship while he was finishing up school and while i was doing an internship in a different state. we were away from eachother for 3 months. Once we started working we'd hang out 3-4 days a week. maybe like 2 days during the week and then friday and sat nights. Lately, we havent hung out that much..i think in the last 2 or 3 weeks we've hung out maybe 3 nights total and only 1 night during the weekend. This past week we only hung out 2 days including the weekend. He still treats me well when were together so there seems to be no sign of disinterest and he still texts me or calls me when he says he will and doesnt act like a jerk. He seems to be hanging around his friends more often though. For lack of a better phrase it seems like when were hanging out its full force feelings, but when its a day that he doesnt want to hang out he doesnt really text me as much or doesnt ask to hang out.

 

I'm a bit confused and I'm not sure what I should think about our relationship right now. Is this just a sign of the both of us being comfortable around eachother and a sign that we've just been dating long enough were theres not a need to see each other all the time...?

 

Is this normal for a relationship?

[pumpkinmoon]

I think there needs to be a balance between friends and partner when in a relationship. Does he see his friends every or most weekends at the expense of spending time with you? Does he ever include you into the group?

[lilxcutie53]

when we first started dating we hung out alllll the time and i would hang out with his friends and stuff sometimes. But now that we've been dating awhile Im kinda getting bored of doing things with his friends all the time so now I would rather just be with him and not his friends all the time. He tends to go fishing a lot and go to the gym a lot with his friends. We live right by eachother so its convenient to see eachother. Basically, we'll either do something just the 2 of us friday night like grab dinner and hang out. Or we won't do anything Friday night and then just be with eachother Saturday whether its with his friends or just the 2 of us. Then sunday we dont hang out.

[pumpkinmoon]

I can understand that. I have just ended a relationship partly because I was fed up of spending time with his friends all the time. Have you talked to him about this and told him how you are feeling? Maybe you could tell him that you would like some time set aside so that the two of you can spend some quality time together.

[lilxcutie53]

Well a few weeks or a month ago we got in an argument about how he doesn't think I make him a prority and that he doesn't want to be in the relationship if I am just going to half ass it. I understood where he was coming from and tried to put some more effort into the relationship..I didnt want to "over-do" it so after a while of trying really hard I laid off a little bit to see if he would pick up on some of the effort. I monitered the amount of effort he put in after I let go a little bit and there wasnt really much effort. So I explained to him that its really frusturating when he argues with me about something such as this and then doesn't keep up with his part of the deal. Why complain about it if your not going to do it back....? Or maybe he's just being a baby and said it because he was upset in the moment.

 

Last night after not really talking much the whole day. I initated the conversation early in the morning through texting, but that only lasted til about 1pm. Then I got a call from him around 9 and he wanted to hang out. I was already getting ready for bed..working 40hrs a week is no fun and I was tired. So he asked about tonight. I told him that I wanted to go to zumba aroun 7:30 tonight, but only go if my friend was going with me. and if she wasn't then I would go to the gym after work and be done at 7:30. He got upset and said that he wasn't going to wait for me which at the time I got defensive about and got mad that he wouldn't wait. ( I later realized that if I am not sure what Im doing then I cant expect him to wait) So the whole time he kept saying that maybe we would hang out..blah blah. and I kept telling him that I was pretty sure I was going to zumba and that we could do something afterwards. He told me that my friend ditches me all the time when we plan to go to zumba and that I should work out at the gym instead so that we can hang out.

 

What would of you have done is this situation? I really wanted to go to zumba, but only go if my friend was going so I wasn't being flexible...should have I been?

 

Basically, he was getting upset that we don't hang out like ever and that hanging out at 9:30 is not enough quality time together..which I agree with, but there are plenty of times where he goes to the gym with his friends or goes fishing til 8 or 9 and then wants to hang out at 9:30. I basically told him that he shouldn't ask me to hang out at last minute and that he could of asked me to hang out earlier in the day for Monday night, but chose not to and wanted to be with his friends.

 

I'm not really giving into him with this because he had those other times to ask me to hang out when I was free and chose not to and that I am not going to bend my schedule when its convienent for him all the time. Obviously in certain circumstances you would, but I didn't feel it would be right in this situation.

 

I know this sorta conflict happens quite often in relationships. I know a lot of my friends have the same issues sometimes...I dont understand why guys chose to ask us last minute and then expect us to be free or bail on our plans...and also, I don't see why he would say that he wanted a serious/make him a priority relationship when he acts like this. I have no problem making him a priority, but Im only going to do that when its fair...