So wise for others, so stupid for ourselves

[Eocsor]

It always amazes me to see people give such incredibly good advice to others on these forums, yet when it comes to themselves they utterly ignore the wisdom others offer them. You know, the "your significant other is a jerk and playing you but mine, they're really kind and just misunderstood" line. Heck, I've done it too. What do they say, those who can do and those who can't teach. I find it funny how willing we are to delude ourselves, when we can see others situations so clearly. I wish I could take the advice I give to others

[nattpanter]

It`s quite simple... your head/logic/common sense is unreachable when your heart is broken... So people come on here to compensate for that temporarly "disorder" to get some guidance. In a perfect world we`d all be able to use both our head and heart at the same time while we go trough this.

 

I find myself constantly giving advice to other people, be strong for them and try to talk some sense...but my with my own issues I need the same advices back from others. What`s important to know is that no matter what people on ENA says, there is ultimatly only one person who knows deep down what is right or wrong to do in a situation... So please do seek advice, think about it and use it for what it`s worth... but follow your inner voice in the end. It`s you who`s gonna live with the decitions you make, not all the people on an internet-forum.

 

But you are right btw

[LN1987]

love is crazy isn't it?

[allsunny]

It's kind of like losing weight. We know what we need to do to lose weight. 1. Exercise more. 2. Eat less calories. And a lot of people can actually pull out different tricks or techniques for cutting calories and which exercise is the best and how to do it. But they don't do it. Why? I think it's because they don't want it bad enough. They're comfortable, and even though they know that they could possibly be be happier if they actually lose the weight, the thought of stepping out of that comfort zone is more painful than their current predicament.

 

With this love advice thing, they're still adjusting to the change, which might be a drastic one. The pain of changing is greater, than the pain of staying in a state of misery. When you're actually separated for a long time, you're forced to change. You slowly stop holding on to the hope that everything will go back to the way it was. Then it clicks, and you've changed or you've accepted and embraced change.

 

Now with losing weight, if you accept that you have to change your lifestyle and even embrace your lifestyle, you'll change... start losing the weight. You just gotta want it bad enough. More than anything else, or be forced to change your lifestyle.

[lucasky]

It COULD be that some people can see the immaturity of others' decisions (ie. you can always tell who is a first-love dumpee and generally predict their grieving process) but that they themselves are mature and thus act differently than they preach as they have been down the first-love dumpee road themselves.

 

Ie. I strongly encourage a lot of the people here that can't live their lives without their exs to move on and go strict NC - to stop reading into emails and photos or whatever and to stop worrying. It hinders healing. Meanwhile, I just emailed my ex. But I guess I've accepted the break up. Maybe its in part because im a quasi-dumper, but I'm still mourning. I just fully understand that emails to exs mean nothing. Its just pleasant conversation as I would have with anyone else.

[lucasky]

Repeat post. Sorry.

[Love1336]

O.M.G if i would listen to myself every once in a while i would be in less trouble.

[thejigsup]

I've always had the problem that I'm TOO pragmatic. My head most generally rules my heart at all times. Guys have told me that I look very "girly", but that I think like a man. It's not always a plus. I WANT to get carried away by love, but I always pick guys I know I will work well with and make a good working pair with. Most of my relationships have lasted for years and years, but they are really not romantic, just nice. Sometimes I envy people who can fall madly in love. I've only done that once.

[MakeItCount]

I think it's all about emotions. It's hard to think straight when you really care about someone.

[mark4]

This is what happened to me the first time I went NC, I was on here giving advice and a couple people even PM'd me for advice on their situation ... THEN BANG my ex came knocking and I fell apart. I went back and lost all my confidence and healing - she treat me like crap and I had to become the dumper almost and get myself out of the situation.

 

I can laugh about in now because i'm a couple weeks back in NC and feeling good again and I have the experience of what not to do if she contacts me again for an ego boost.