More attention from guys

[leslieRN]

Why is it that when a guy is interested, he works overtime to win you, but once he has you, he doesn't act as if he wants you anymore? I have a girlfriend who's been married for 5 years and they were together off and on for 4 before. When he quit paying attention to her, she got restless and fell for other jerks in between who gave her attention at the time. I tried so hard to tell her not to, but then they'd get back together because once he didn't have her, he really worked to get her. Things seem better now; he still loves her, but doesn't "flirt" with her anymore.

I too have noticed with my guys in the past a pattern of this sort....Anyone got some advice?

[JonnyG]

Thinks its the same with a lot of ppl unfortunately. Once they have some1 they take it for granted. Thats 1 thing I try never to do. Not that i've had many gfs long enough to show this Always struggling to find the right girl and when i do things mess up

[dpressedone89]

^^^i agree completely, also when i guy starts out he puts all this extra energy into it that it is hard to be matched which is why some marriages grow stale

[sisterlynch]

I think that guys really enjoy the chase, but once they catch something, they don't really know what to do about it. Guys really aren't good listeners or in touch with their emotions the way that women are. I think that the guys get bored or uncomfortable and then they don't know how to ask for something and they feel like they are going to be rejected, and the girl is going to leave eventually -- so he might as well break up first so that he doesn't have to get completely attached to someone that somewhere down the line he realises is dependent upon him as much as he is upon the woman.

 

Men like to be aloof and not vulnerable, being in a relationship makes them feel sheltered and trapped.

 

So when you feel that you are becoming to close to someone, that is the time to do something differently. WE all need to keep on growing and changing or else we become too vulnerable, but growth takes time and attention, too...there is no easy answer.

[Mun]

Hi Leslie,

What you are saying is so true. The reason guys stop trying is that they get comfortable and think : Ok I got her, now I can relax a bit. This is when we women start feeling unappreciated.

 

The best way to keep things going is to always be a little out of reach. You can be with your man but always keep your own interests. Keep some of your time to yourself--get out and do something by yourself or with your girlfriends. Don't be around him all the time-you get the picture. Also, look pretty, keep doing your hair and make up, buy pretty clothes, nice shoes. If he buys you lingerie--WEAR IT! or go out and buy some for yourself. ( I was once in a department store Feb 15 where the lady in line in front of me was returning some lingerie her husband bought her for Valentines-she said she would never wear THAT. I thought to myself--she's a fool. If a man buys you lingerie then he thinks YOU are sexy and he wants to see YOU in it ).

 

Something about always being a little independent is attractive to a man, plus he gets the feeling that he doesn't "have" you just yet. So he is always on his toes. This way you don't become a doormat, you don't become needy and you keep your edge in the relationship. (and he treats you like a queen )

[ComputerGuy]

I'm a guy and I really don't like taking things for granted like that. I will keep trying as much as possible to show that I love them everyday. Muneca raises some very good points that are true in a lot of cases. As for that lady returning the lingerie, that's silly, him thinking she's sexy should be a comlpiment. Ah well.

[hardcore]

just checking and how many guy are we talking about 8) i don't know if i should take a number or something, hum. you know how i feel im just wandering now 'hum i say as i scach my head. you seemed like you were busy to day . hum maybe. no i don't think that way but sometime i do this is just me checking up on you. 8)

 

ps don't be mad

 

 

yours truly

 

 

harcore a.k.a steve

[Massari]

I'm a guy and I really don't like taking things for granted like that.

 

 

I agree completely.. some guys maybe like that.. those who change Girlfriends .. everyday !!!! those who don't need to work hard to get the girl/woman that they want. I am not like that.. we are the nice guys who finish last.. and we have to work hard

[leslieRN]

I thought I explained about the sleep....No need to take a number, see if you read closely to what I had to say, you would know past means past and over. Why would I be mad for you replying to a post in an open forum?

 

To all other replies, thanx girls for seeing my point, and guys keep being good to your girls!!!! Don't take us for granted because attention from somewhere else is attention, something we all need lots of. If we get it from our man, no need to look elsewhere!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

leslie

[goddess23]

hey i just wanted to say that with my first bf (im his first gf as well)who ive been with for quite awhile now, 8 months, we've both kept our own lives, we're not like twins conjoined at the head which is how alot of couples around us are. they only last so long. and i have to say that it does keep the fire going, but because hes the same way as me, i sometiems feel unappreciated, and when i see the way other couples are ALWAYS TOGETHER F*******, it makes me feel as if we're losing it. i know its not true, but sometimes i just feel that way, and the idea of keeping my own interests im happy about, but it doesnt necessarily bring the best results. he may do the same and depending on the person you are will still feel unappreciated.

[elysium_dreams_]

Girls don't like guys that are very clingy. At least the ones I've dated didnt'. I never could have imagined there was such a thing as toooo much cuddling.

 

It became a matter of not seeming needy. I seemed to be too dependant on seeing her all the time.

 

now I understand why they say you shouldn't call a girl more than twice a week

[goddess23]

hmm...well if shes your gf, then twice a week is not enough. with my bf we see eachother all the time in school, spend an hour after school, spend about in total 1-2 hours online at night, so its a little different. ill admit, neither gender likes to be smothered. they start to pull away, and thats why i would advise anyone to keep your own lives. because if you do break up at least your not like "what do i do now??!". too much cuddling...hmm...i dunoooo....i guess it could be if you do it at the wrong time, in the wrong place. i love the fact that we dont do anything infront of people, meaning theres less oppertunity and its more intense. ya, dont be too clingy, ever, never a good idea.