Sorry but it's all too much

[saku]

I thought I had gotten through most of this pain in my life at one point, but I was wrong. Everyday I wake up wanting to die. I have a toxic family, I'm unsure if I will be going back to school in the fall, and I can't get past a broken heart, just to name a few. I know there are other people on here that are hurting, and I am very sorry, especially since I'm adding my own pain to this forum. But it hurts too much to live. Sorry if this didn't make sense, I'm really upset right now.

[Wager]

Focus on this moment, Saku, just this one moment. You are stronger than you know. You have smarts and skills you have not had time to access, yet. Do not give up without giving yourself every last chance at happiness and wholeness. You deserve both. You can have both. Luck and fortune will change and you will change right along with them, able to enjoy them when they are good, able to conquer them and triumph when they are not.

 

Do not give up. Do not quit on yourself and the happiness and peace you have coming toward you. Death like this is not peace. Fight, Saku, fight hard, leave everything you have out there. Do not stop short, do not give in. You can claim the relief and happiness you are due. It is out there and you can find it, you can reach it.

 

Keep talking to us. We care. You are worth caring for, fighting for. Never give up.

 

My thoughts are with you.

Wager

[saku]

Thank you to both replies...I can't say my heart doesn't hurt, but i will try to not give up too soon.

[Wager]

You are so brave, Saku and I am endlessly proud of you! I wish I could share with you even an ounce of this happiness I feel with you because of your courageous decision!

 

Please stay in contact. You will remain in my thoughts. I wish you nothing but the best and soon. And if I can help, I am here.

 

You are incredibly impressive and I am in awe of your strength and resilience. Keep at it, Saku, you are doing far better than you know.

 

Your friend and fan,

Wager

[Chicklet]

This post saddens me to no end. I hope that you reconsider. God Bless you.

[saku]

I don't have the courage to go all the way...I sometimes wish I did to be honest. I didn't have a very good night; I ended up self injuring because the physical pain is easier to deal with than the emotional. I can't confront or talk to the people who have caused a lot of this pain for different reasons and that is one reason why I take out on myself.

 

I can't even find peace in my sleep; I get maybe 2 or 3 hours a sleep a day. Sometimes, I end up waking up in cold sweats which feel unpleasant.

 

I don't know why I'm saying all of this other than all this hurt is becoming more and more unbearable.

[Wager]

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow."

— Mary Anne Radmacher

 

You are doing far better than you seem to believe, Saku. That you are hurting so much and sleeping so little is enough - more than enough, to drive anyone batty. Is it possible for you to see a professional? If not to seek therapy with whatever is troubling you so, perhaps even simply to discuss your sleeping issues? Perhaps some medicinal assistance, even over-the-counter, doctor-approved remedy may provide you relief.

 

I hope things steadily improve for you and that you find yourself feeling better day by day. I am rooting for you immensely. Take great care.

 

Wager

[saku]

Yeah, I see a therapist, but the thing is I can't see her that often due to financial issues. She's really been helpful despite my feelings of hopelessness, and sometimes if I am troubled by something she says I can email her though I try not to do it too often. I don't like the free mental health centers due to some negative experiences with them...really, had I not met my current therapist I would have given up on the mental health system.

 

I have taken sleeping pills in the past, but I don't like the feeling. There have been times when I have taken some at night and found myself still up by morning.