Plz help, i need to tell her about my past

[something02]

I dont know how to put it.... Ive had sex before, with my ex, but my current gf has just NEVER asked me about my past, i always expected it to come up but it never did, i think shes curious now and i need to tell her to make sure everything is ok. Whats the best way to tell her, im freaking out...

 

I dont want to mess things up with her, we have an amazing relationship and i dont want to lose her.

 

thanks, plz help.

...

[Celadon]

Something02, it's up to you to tell her. Don't hoist the responsibility for asking onto her. It's your past and you're responsible for it.

 

It sounds like you're afraid of what she'll think. Well, she has to like the whole you, otherwise it's not a 100% truthful, solid relationship. So give her the chance to accept you for who you are and what you've done in your life. Think about approaching the talk from that perspective.

 

To prepare, you might want to anticipate what she'll ask you about or be concerned about. Try to be sensitive to her. Plus, how do you feel about it? Do you wish you hadn't had sex with your ex? You can tell her how you feel, that's also part of a relationship.

 

If she doesn't react well, give her time to think. Don't assume that it's the end of the world; it won't be. Good luck.

[something02]

Your totally right, ive put this off too long. I am affraid of what she will think of me. Im not proud of what i did. But i was in love, we were together over a year. So i dont really regret it, but i know how badly i would take it if i found out she has had previous experience, and i dont know how she will take it.

 

Its really hard, but thanks for your advice.

[Celadon]

I went with a guy once who had experience. What I wanted to know from him was that he valued me and respected me. And that he was totally over his previous girlfriends and wasn't thinking about them anymore. I also wanted to know what he thought about having sex. Was it casual to him? Was that all he was after with me? Or did he consider it something special between two people who are serious about each other?

 

Your gf will have her own thoughts on sex. You might gently present your thoughts and ask her for hers too.

[dpressedone89]

calmly ask her how far she has gone with a guy, say that you guys have a great relationship and you just wanted to know, chances are she'll ask you the same. just an idea

[i_hate_the_world47]

Sit down with her and ask her if she has ever had sex with another man.Or how far she has gone with another man.Then explain to her that you wanted to tell her sooner but the subject never came up and then tell her.I am sure she will understand.

 

~Meagan~

[foul-play]

dude if its that important to her shell ask,

if not then let it be

[Rangoo]

It's really not an issue, there is no reason to tell her that you have had sex before. If she asks tell her the truth, there is no shame in having had sex with another person before your relationship with the lady you are with now. Only if you are screwing around while with her. The of course you tell her!

 

Best of luck, and you know what, if she cares about you...it won't matter it isnt like you slept with the whole women's softball team at school!

[sbrew21]

I don't think you need to tell her unless she asks. So what, you had sex, its not that big of a deal.

[RayKay]

Well, I would not say it does not matter at all. It does, because someone's sexual history DOES affect me, in that I would want to make sure they have been tested recently, and that we are taking the right precautions.

 

I don't think divulging all the nitty gritty details is important, but a basic idea that they have been sexually active is to me rather important.

 

I think that if you are in a relationship with someone, this needs to be discussed before you are active, just be honest and straightforward about it, let them know you have or are getting tested, etc etc. If you CAN'T discuss this, I would question whether you are ready to be intimate with this person.

 

You should not be ashamed of your past. It's part of whom you are, and whom you are now. You cared about your ex, and you were intimate, that is normal. Now chances are you may stay with this girl, but if not, you are bound to meet others whom have similar experiences and histories too, there are some whom will have been with more people, or whom you may decide you are not compatible with due to their pasts (numerous partners, or cheating for example) and that is fine, but generally, even great people come with some history. And if someone is truly a great person, and the compatibilities are there, you can really miss out on someone fantastic for you if you judge them solely on that past.

 

Seriously though, I mean if I am with someone whom I know has dated several people, I don't need all the details, I will assume that they have been sexually active with any of their long term gfs at minimum. As I have been active with my long term boyfriends. That seems to be a good basis to go on, though it's not always the strict rule as it may be more or less. But it is a good "gage" in most cases.

 

For me, when they are with me, I don't even assume they still think of their ex's if they are making me FEEL right, special and so forth. Everyone is different, every intimate partner is different. Just because you have been with someone before does NOT take away from the potential experience with this person, or diminish the love, or relationship in any way. We learn and grow from our experiences and the people who come through our lives.