Absense makes the heart grow fonder??

[losinghope]

Is it ever the case with exes that when we do No contact for certain amount of time, that our absense makes their heart grow fonder??

 

Any comments would be greatly appreciated...

[rich46]

I sincerely hope so...

[fantasia2004]

I believe it to be true.

[losinghope]

but how do you know if it won't be a case of out of sight and out of mind instead? how can you distinguish, especially in the period of no contact?

[Carthiana]

I think it really depends on how the person handles the situtation.

 

If they think too mental, then they will probably handle the issue mentally, and not have a hint of emotion and that will be their wall of defense they use.

 

If they think too emotional, and are really in their heart truly missing/loving you, then it would make the heart fonder yes.

[losinghope]

But how about if they are more mental, but really love you and miss you, then what would it be?

 

 

any other thoughts or comments???

[MrMikeWikowski]

I too wonder,

 

But I'm pretty sure that if your ex really loved you, then they will miss you. I just saw my ex for the first time in 4 months of NC, and I could tell she she missed me. Just because how excited she was to see me. This of course doesn't mean that she want to get back together with me, just as it doesn't mean your ex wants to get back with you either. But it certainly makes things easier to know that they care. Well it does for me. Makes it hard too, because you wonder what the problem is.

 

But generally it's nice to know that you are missed.

 

Mike

[Vert]

I agree. I know my ex-gf still loves me dearly as she has told me that she "misses me so much" when she's been away in Europe (taking the time to think about our relationship). It is nice to know that she still loves me and misses me every day she's not here, but at the same time I wish I never had to go through this. I guess it's a double-edge sword -- she misses you and still loves you, but is not with you anymore.

[MrMikeWikowski]

I hear you Vert,

 

I think when I finally figure this one out, everything else will be simple. I guess it's tough knowing that somone loves you, cares about you, misses you, but doesn't want to be with you - To my simple mind that makes not sense - but maybe one day I will understand

 

Mike

[Charlee]

I hear you Vert,

 

I think when I finally figure this one out, everything else will be simple. I guess it's tough knowing that somone loves you, cares about you, misses you, but doesn't want to be with you - To my simple mind that makes not sense - but maybe one day I will understand

 

Mike

 

This is what I cannot fathom either. It's been over a year since he left me suddenly. He told me a few weeks ago, after NC since Dec, that he loves me, misses me, wants to hang out with me sometime, but also tells his current gf that he loves me. However he still insists we will never get back together. He tells me he has changed lots since we parted and he is very happy.

 

I don't get it either Mike. How can he love me, miss me, yet not want to be with me? Makes me wonder if this other girl is a distraction to help him keep away from me.

[lisaria]

Hey Charlee,

It sounds to me like your ex wants you hanging around just in case things do not work out with his new g/f. What a selfish jerk!

 

Why would he tell you that he loves you and misses you if he doesn't want to be with you? It sounds to me like you were better off with the NC. Now you're wondering and wishing and all the other bs that comes along with the contact from an ex. Do you really want that?

 

Does his new g/f know he's telling you these things? He's not being fair to her or you. Do you really want someone like that? There are so many others out there that he's just a drop in a bucket. Think about it.

[Charlee]

Lisaria,

 

I agree with you totally. This is exactly why NC is the best way. This phone call was in the evening and I spent the rest of the night agitated, upset and wondering. By the next morning I was an emotional wreck, and hadn't been that way for months and months. Took me till lunchtime to come to my senses and get over the call.

 

He claims he tells his gf about our contact, and the times he has visited me and hugged me, told me he loves me etc.

 

I know there are other guys out there, I have dated heaps. At this point though I am very happy being single and don't want anyone in my life messing it up

[lisaria]

Hey Charlee,

Good for you!!! The important thing is that you got over this call fairly quickly and you're back on track. He has lost out and his karma can't be all that hot. No telling what he's drawing to himself. *evil laugh*

I'm really glad you're feeling so much stronger and better. Good luck.

lisaria

[dreamguy]

Charlee,

 

I totally agree with Lisaria.

My ex broke up with me 3 months ago and about 1 month ago I called her to tell her I cannot be her friend anymore and I prefer that we cut all contact. She started admitting that she made a mistake by leaving me... then 3 weeks passed and she caved in by calling to say I have everything she wants in a man... she was happy with me and she's scared I'll be with someone else in the future if she decides to come back to me.

Notice what she said last: she's scared I'll be with someone else in the future if she decides to come back to me.

Guess what... she is still with her old bf. She's just stringing me along and slowing me down until she can make the decision to completely commit to him. Can you believe it ? 3 months and she still cannot commit to him and she still calls me (I bet he doesn't know). What kind of person is that ? I'm not sure I want her anymore !

Same goes for your ex. Don't give him that luxury of doing what he wants while you have to sit around and wait. You don't owe him anything starting from the moment he broke up with you. You can go with 100 guys, it's not his business !

Sometimes I feel like calling my ex and straightening her up by telling her what a selfish b*tch she is but I don't think it will be beneficial for me. Indifference (no contact) is the best way to go.

[auburnslp]

this one is simple...

 

absense will most definitely make the heart grow fonder in some, but not others...

 

I know that is of little help, but it is true...

depends on the person and the situation.

 

in my case, no contact is just the way it is, because her decision to move on is final, and she is reconciling with her ex husband...so my absense is exactly what she wants. Not making her heart grow fonder at all, just allowing her to do what she wants to do with me out of the way.

 

For others, it will make them miss you...but most important is this, the NC thing, the absense, is mostly for us to separate physically and then emotionally, so we can heal from the loss. So whatever the resulting impact it has on your ex, it is a good thing for us...

 

If it is meant to be, it will be. No matter what kind of contact there is, as long as it is healthy.

 

The thing is this...if it is meant to be, then we must question why we are not together now. And because of that, we owe it to ourselves to let them figure out what they erally want, and who knows,m byt the time they do, we might not want them anyway. I can say with confidence that no matter how much I loved this woman, if she was to show up today and tell me she was wrong and she wants me, I would not take her back. A month ago, I would have. Not now. And it the healing that resulted from NC in that month which brought me here. It allowed me to see the unfairness and ugliness of all of it very objectively, made me realize that I deserve a woman who would have never treated me this way.

 

I know it's not much help, but I wanted to throw my opinion out there. Good luck to all...Michael