All girls advice on getting bak with the love of my life

[down_n_down]

I still love my ex. I love her so much that love seems like a weak expression. We went out for 2 years n I went thru a bad patch in my life n I no that that is no excuse for what I did but we started arguing a lot n I wasn't showing my love to her. I will regret those weeks for the rest of my life. She's now going out with sum guy called, well that's not important, but we still speak and she told me that there not serious n she cant see them lasting. She could have the pick of any lads she's gorgeous. I no that make's me sound immensely shallow but I don't love her for her looks, I'm not one of them kind of guys I would love her no matter how she was.

 

We weren't just lovers we were best friends too and were really close before we got together, we were deeply in love and she loved me as much as I loved her, I no that. I've never stopped thinking about her since we've broken up and it's been about 6months now, she's left a whole in my life that nothing but her can fill.

 

I want to tell her that I love her, and I never stopped. I want to be with her forever. She's not even in the same county and I won't be in the same country as her until September due to our holidays clashing.

 

Now what shall I do? I don't want to tell her in the form of a letter or email or anything like that. I have to tell her in person so I can see her reaction. But I'm not very good at that kind of stuff,how would i even bring it up? If you were in the same situation, what would you want a guy to say to you? I'm not going to do this until she breaks up with her new b/f but she makes it sounds like that's not so far off. I will never find another girl like her. She was my angel!

[DavidNetk]

Man, my story is EXACLY like yours. The only difference is that even though we are from different countries, we do live in the same one.

 

We just broke up 1 month ago, and she is also dating a guy, and she also told me that he was not important and that they wouldn't last long. But what worries me about your post is that it has been 6 months for you and you haven't either got her back nor get over her. So I'm worried for me.

 

I love her so much that, like you say, the word is a weak expression, there's no words that can express what she means to me and how much I love her. I haven't spoke to her since 2 days ago, and I was thinking that I shouldn't try any contact anymore unless she is the one who initiates it.

I just wish I could know if she will miss me or think that she loves me again. I wonder if she'll tell me.

 

She says she doesn't. She loves me as a friend now. But also said that we should not see each other anymore so we could move on. But now that I've read many posts in here, it seems that it takes a long time to move on, I thought it could be quicker, but so far I've read 1 year and still in love, 2 and so on.

 

How can I get her back?

 

Even though we were arguing the last month, I never stopped showing her my love. So much that I think she got sick of it. All I know is that I love her and I wish she would love me just half of what I do for her. I wish I could be with her again. She was/is my angel too.

 

Should I stay in the No Contact mode?

Do I have a chance?

Should I just forget about her?

How do I do that?

[DavidNetk]

BUMP!

[chantel75]

I wonder if your exes know that you are really seriously considering moving on with your lives, or atleast trying to figure out how to move on.

 

it appears to me that the one who did the breaking up likes to keep the one that was dumped on the sidelines, just incase he/she wants them back.

and when there is a CLEAR and SINCERE message from you that you are starting to move on even though it is painful, this will tell her to do some serious thinking about the possibility of YOU not in her life at all.

 

im sure you ve heard the -"yes, you need to move on with your life" line before..........and if she is having NO contact with you, then she probably means it. But if you are getting mixed messages, chances are that she is doing the whole keeping you on the sidelines thing..... and thats when its times to tell her that you cant live your life like that. Once she knows you might be outta her life for good, she ll do some real thinking.

 

if you are not ready to accept the fact that you might really need to focus on moving on, then ask yourself this: why be in a relationship where the person is "unsure" of their true feelings for you. In a mature, healthy relationship, both partners are on the same level, and when times are difficult, then you stick together and work through them.

 

During my teen years and early 20's i had several experiences like yours. i thought that id found my soul mate, and once they left me i thought my life would just end. I am 28 now, a hell of a lot more mature, and have realized that i deserve so much more out of a relationship, just as you guys do.

 

well i wish you luck, and remember if she does still have feelings for you, then shell take you alot more seriously if she knows you are moving on.

[anon728]

chantel75, I like your follow-up. I'm kind of at a crossroads. My ex broke up with me ~2 months ago, I initiated NC ~ 5 weeks ago, and have not initiated contact with her since. She has emailed me ~6 times, mainly about light stuff, nothing about getting back together (although, when we broke up, it was like, "it isn't working right now.").

 

She started seeing a new guy right away (someone from work). I did not beg, but made it clear I was willing to keep trying. In any case, since it has been over 1 month of NC for me, do I just move on and forget about it, or do I contact her, and say, "hey, unless you want to try again, I am going to move on, so do not contact me anymore."

 

The question is, do you tell them you're going to move on, or do you just move on?

[RayKay]

Don't tell them you are moving on/have moved on. This will be seen as either manipulation and not truthful or...they might doubt how you felt about them. Depends on the issues and their insecurities.

 

 

Don't say anything one way or other, just be positive and confident around them!

[belle4]

Well how can you show them that you are moving on? Just being confident? I'm meeting up w/my ex and I honeslty feel ok doing so but I feel like I'm being kept on the sidelines also..so how can i show him?

[oldman]

imagine you have someone else. your ex will seem unimportant. thats how u portray that ur moving on. you dont have enuff time to talk or ur busy, have made plans with ur friends and are not willing to change it cos of him etc.

 

try to turn the tables and pretend u're keeping him at the sidelines!

[quing]

Can I just say I initiated NC from day one thanks to both previous experiences and then stumbling on this board?

 

I have just come out of a 6 year relationship with what I thought was my soul mate, then she woke up one day and changed an said coldly it's over that she still loved me and that she wanted to date someone else who she had just met.

 

We went our separate ways for a week then met up in the room we shared.

 

During that week while she was away I returned and I stripped the room down of the old furniture and replaced it with more modern space saving furniture, I got on a sunbed to give myself a healthy glow to conceal any sleepless nights and grief I had suffered, and I changed the colour and style of the bed sheets.

 

She returned for some of her stuff at the end of the week but was blown away by the rapid change going on around her in such a short space of time.

 

I acted ok with her so much so it looked natural, and gave my blessing for what happened and said this guy had done us both a favour, and good on him (I was lying) next thing she comes back in the evening to get ready and dresses up in a real short skirt!!!??? And makes me help her get ready for her date!!??!!!

I obliged and said have fun good luck!

She kept asking about the club I was going too.

 

Now this is not the girl I once new, this was clearly some one trying to make me jealous and was curious and insecure about what she was now doing.

She said it must be weird to sleep with someone else and I said confidently no it's easy, no problem, and she snapped I know.

(Once again I was putting up a false confidence)

 

Since that night she has been dragging her heals by moving her stuff out very very slowly, I have packed stuff and thought why the hell am I doing this for where is she?

 

Well it's been a month of real hardcore NC form me, she has contacted me on a number of occasions.

 

She keeps highlighting how her life is going well and is very busy, (my life is busy, I don't feel the need to highlight it) She has asked for lunch after she picks everything up and hands back the key, I said I cannot do lunch but maybe a drink in the week, she has then asked for that drink and I did not answer that question, just asked for her to collect all of her stuff and give me the key.

 

I must emphasize that I have been very polite and normal in my return emails, and on occasions added a bit of humour.

 

Where ever this goes, my pride and dignity has remained intact, I will refuse to give those who betray me any tears of mine.

 

The last email very recently from her was talking about her going through our photos and didn't we have a great time and it was also signed with 'hugs'.

 

I did not answer the question about the good times, I am going to deprive her of that sense of achievement, and she was so quick to abandon them so I will not acknowledge them, to be honest, I have put memories on the back burner, and I can remember the good times in a few years from now.

 

Don't get me wrong I really loved this girl but when they leave you, it is not the time to show it I feel, that will make them run.

 

I have to add, yes I confess I am playing a game here, and I feel I cannot loose, if she goes then hey she goes I will find someone else, I have done before.

 

I really respected and loved this girl and she turned on me and did this and I knew I could not change her mind as they resist those that hold them back.

 

I have gone for reverse psychology, thinking the more I push the more she will try to resist, I have took down notes from these boards to help.

 

I am putting up a challenge, I left two subtle foreign hair clips on the table next to the bed, one with hairs still in to give the slight impression that a women has stayed around when she was collecting her stuff.

 

In honesty I am not ready for other women and I don't want to break any real hearts yet, it's not fair on them.

All though I do have a real date coming up soon, someone I liked the look of.

 

Well all this is still on going, like I said I did not decline the latest offer for a drink but avoided answering the questions for both that and didn't we have some fun, choosing instead to talk about her removing her left over stuff and returning some old school photos and closing down our joint bank account.

 

She has gone silent on that friendly but

 

Well if any of you have some tips pointers or opinions please let me know, I have tried all the usual routes in former relationships in trying to get them back so this time round I am trying this NC, un-needy, get on with you life approach

 

I want her to chase so I can then choose what I want.

[DavidNetk]

Dude you're a genious. Well anyone is compared to me. I just had my first break up and I lost whatever dignity I had... Too late I found out I had lost it. But now I have the experience for the future.

 

Though I have a question: if she was to come back and apologize and ask you to take her back... what would you do?

[quing]

I have been asking myself the same question, to be honest I really am not sure now, I would need a hell of a lot of convincing, I mean she wants to meet me, I believe I know why.

 

It's this curiosity caused by NC and the impression that I am moving on and do not 'need' her.

Like some female said on this board, an ex only once to know you when you are moving on.

I thought I would speed up the process of moving on.

I may have blown it yesterday by not taken her up on her 2nd offer of a drink, but oh well. It will be interesting to see, I mean she has not got a jealous bone in her body, now maybe the tables are turning.

 

She knows my history of my ex's and how I do not keep in touch with them, I made a point of that during the relationship anticipating this day.

She said at the time she was ending it she hoped I was bluffing when I said I will move on and get on with my life.

 

I believe she was trying to be like her older sister who she has always looked up too, who sees other people and has control over her ex, but he is very needy and pleeds for her return.

She said at the time she would give me his email so we can complain and mope about the them, lol, wishful thinking on her part, bless her, I think she really under estimated me.

Now she is in the real world.

 

Even though there was to my knowledge no cheating, my trust was broken, I trusted her going out with friends and was easy going.

This had been taken advantage of.

 

She would owe me big time, this year I am going to enjoy single life what ever happens.

 

You know I get a feeling when you have already had your heart broken a few times, you get harder to it.

 

I have done all the begging in past relationships, and ringing and everything that goes with it.

I have had so far 1 X 4 year realtionship (first love) 2 X 2 year and now 1 6 year relationship.

I juat get fed up with the inconvinence of having to start at the beginning again, getting to know someone, building up trust ,blah blah blah, but I sort of look forward to sex with new people if I am placed in the position.

So there are good parts to moving on when your ready.

 

I think I have something many people do not have here.

The knowledge that you can love and feel love just as intensley again.

You can also trust again.

Enjoy what you have when you have it, place it in the back of your mind that a day may come when it all goes, but do not live in fear of it just enjoy it.

 

Each relationship I have made improvements on myself, I have grown wiser and more understanding.

 

I failed to mention this is my 3rd week from the split.

 

One of the biggest insults to a women is when the man she leaves appears to get over her so damn quickly.

 

When I was younger I left a women and said I have had enough of you blah blah blah, and do you know what, the women I was trying to leave just smiled at me and said goodbye then.

Now that got me! I couldn't leave.

 

Its the same thing I believe.

 

Humans want what they cannot have and will resist at all cost what tries to control them. Telling someone you love them after you split up is heard by the women as 'I want to control you'.

 

Crying and grovalling actually helps the women make up her mind that she did the right thing.

[its_kathie]

David, Cross that bridge when you come to it. you are 'projecting' hope. let's live in reality. When and if that happens, you heart will be at a different place, or the same. We don't know what the future holds. k? kathie

[its_kathie]

David, Cross that bridge when you come to it. you are 'projecting' hope. let's live in reality. When and if that happens, you heart will be at a different place, or the same. We don't know what the future holds. k? kathie

[Nap-Man]

I am just curious as to why RayKay suggested that you not tell someone you care about that you are hurting and that you need time away to heal? I wrote my ex a letter telling her that I loved her with all my heart but I was not ready to see her with another man so I need time and space to heal. This woman was my friend for many years before we dated and I could not have started NC without a proper explanation. Granted that I did it for me so that I could comfortably cut her out of my life for a while, so I didn't care what anyone said. However, I am still so confused as to why it is bad to tell them why you need no contact. I did what I had to do with no expectations of it getting her back. I would love to have her back but this was just what I needed to do (let me tell you being friends for a year after was not the right thing). Sorry to butt in this thread but I would like to hear some opinions, seemed kind of relavent........

[quing]

>>I am just curious as to why RayKay suggested that you not tell someone you care about that you are hurting and that you need time away to heal? I wrote my ex a letter telling her that I loved her with all my heart but I was not ready to see her with another man so I need time and space to heal

 

As cruel as it sounds when you say the words 'I love you, even though they are true, what your departing ex hears is 'I want to control you'

When you say that you need to heal, they feel 'guilt', this makes them feel sorry for you but not respect you in the way you would have liked them too.

 

Yes some people will advise you, not to play mind games express how you feel, but hey this is the cruel dog eat dog world where women will select the strongest confident mate, not the needy wreck.

 

The reason it is bad to say you need no contact is that you want them to be curious of why you have stopped showing an interest and having time for them.

 

This will in effect turn around and run the other way towards you.

People want what they cannot have.

Look at you, why is the shoe not on the other foot?

Why can't you be the one on the run? Be a challenge, this is where we all go wrong.

Men and women can be cruel, but it's just natures way.

[Nap-Man]

hmmm....i can see what you are saying. in all actuality i probably came of as more sick of her games than needy. like i said i had to do it for me. unfortunately i know they way the world works and what you stated will most likely be the only reaction to my letter. since i did not expect a positive reaction i guess that is the price i pay. all i know is that if i had not said my last piece i would not have been able to stick to no contact like i have. did anyone else think that as they got older the games would stop?? man, they get old.

[quing]

I want to say my last piece, but I have gatherd from NC so does she, and by not jumping through hoops for her to have a drink I am depriving her of it making her crazy.

 

I am denying her any history of 'us'.

The history of 'us' was so quickly forgotten when she left, now she is bringing it up in an email to remind me, I am refusing to acknoledge it.

 

Some women have advised me it will send her insane with rage.

The biggest rejection and revenge on the one who leaves you is when you appear to get over and forget them so quickly.

 

6 years and I am denying it existed to her.

 

I suppose that is why when she called up the other week she said, "you havn't forgotten my name already?" heh heh heh.

 

It will be intersting to see how this one pans out.

[Nap-Man]

i think the difference between us is that i have no need for revenge on this ex. revenge for me has never been very satisfying, anyone in my life who i feel deserves revenge i just cut the hell out. thats just me though.

 

i am curious to see where this takes you though. although i am not a revengeful person, i do like to hear stories of others using it.

 

this is what i don't get though.......if i had just stopped answering the phone when my ex called of course she would have broken no contact within a few weeks. she called me everyday, it would have driven her crazy. i don't see that bringing her back to me for the longh run though. at least the way that i approached no contact this time she knows she can't be my friend or rekindle the relationship by using me as a back up plan. i mean i do have some self respect.....

 

i don't want anymore head games and i thought that by just cutting her off without an explanation would lead to more games and even if reconciliation did occur it would not be for the right reasons..........

[quing]

Do you know what, there has been a change, I got my revenge last night, you know why?

Last night I went out and I genuinely had a good time.

I felt good I looked good, and at the age of 32 I still managed at the end of the night with out trying too hard, ending up with a very pretty 21 year old who was celebrating her birthday!

 

I am still a little curious of what happens next with the ex, I would like my money back and the key to the house that's for sure.

Why she is holding onto the key is anyones guess, she only lives 5 minutes away now.

 

It makes me feel kind of edgy though casue I don't know if she could just walk in how she was before.