Trying to get over past pain

[baker53]

Hi all, I tried posting this in another board but didn't get much help because the board gets less traffic. So maybe you'll can help.

 

I am in a dilemma and I could really use some non biased advise. I have been dating a girl on and off for 4.5 years now. A year and a half ago we broke up but started hanging out again after a couple of months. She then decided to leave the country for 2 years to do some volunteer work, and was very mean and cold about her departure. She regularly reminded me that we would not be together when she left and that if she met someone over seas then she would not feel guilty about it, and she did not want me to feel guilty if I met someone. This was all going on in a crucial part of my life, and when she left I was very sad but almost glad to see her go because I thought she could not hurt me any more.

 

However we still kept in contact while she was gone and she continued to remind me of our situation which hurt. It got to the point to where I did not want to be with her at all because I was tired of the pain. Ironically at about the same time something traumatic happened to her, she decided to come home, and she wanted me back. My original intuition was to tell her to "get lost" but I couldn't because this is what I had wanted for so long and I love her, and now we are not pretty much a couple. This has now drawn out for many months and honestly I am not over the pain she put me through in the past, and I don't know if I will ever get over it. I can feel it almost eating at me in the back of my head and I am terrified that she is going to hurt me again. Her solution has been to just pretend like it never happened but that's not working for me. I have tried talking to her about it but she gets mad if I do because she thinks that I don't trust her.

 

What am I supposed to do? Is this a sign that I need to end it or should I try to fix it?

 

Thanks in advance.

[guynextdoor]

My question to you is why did you take her back if nothing was fixed at the beginning? Do you think brushing the issues under the carpet would make it go away?

[baker53]

There was never a formal I take you back conversation, it was more of we just started hanging out again. The reason I let her back in my life was because she was being so nice, and that was what I wanted for sooo long. I felt like I had to at least see if something was there, but now I'm in a tough situation. I love her dearly but I am having trouble forgiving her and getting past all that she put me through last year.

[guynextdoor]

Look man her being nice a temporary thing. She can be nice as much as she wants but the issues you two have still exists and will not go away. That is the reason why these thoughts are still lingering...

[baker53]

Thanks guynextdoor, now that it's been a couple of months the initial niceness has worn off but she is still being nicer than she was last year.

 

Have you are anyone else been in a similar situation, if so what did they do? Cause right now I'm on the fence of if I should commit to her or if I should call it quits and try to move on.