He wants to be friends...is it possible?

[Themegchan]

My ex broke up with me about a few weeks ago, and we didn't talk to each other for a while, and now we are again. He wants to be friends with me, since we kind of jumped into the relationship "head first" as he put it, but I don't know if I can. I'm not use to him as a friend, I'm use to him as my boyfriend. If he wanted to be friends first, he should have said something before.

 

But I dunno. I think that if we become better friends, we'll get back together. He says he thinks it'll be better for our relationship also, and I think he does maybe want to get together in the future, but for now he just wants to build our friendship.

 

But I don't know if that's what I want even. I'm not sure if I want to move on from him, or try to be his friend, or what. Help?

[sweetpea4670]

I think you need to ask yourself how you view this guy as of right now. Do you have any romantic feelings for him? You mentioned that you think it would be difficult for you to be friends with him right now. I think it would be wise to take some time away from the relationship (even as friends) because you both need to spend some time apart to realize what it is you really want out of this relationship.

 

So date other guys for awhile and see what else is out there. In some time, after you've both gotten away from the relationship, you can try the friends thing again and see if it ultimately leads to a good relationship again. If things don't work out, you'll always have him as a friend. I jsut think you should wait a while before you try to be in any kind of relationship with him.

[live_to_love]

Hang in there! This sounds like me a few months ago, when me and my boyfirend borkoe up, and I know that this gets old, but trust me that it will get easier with time! My situation was basically that we (him more tan me) didn't feel we could have a relationship, but still had feelings for each other, and felt that we wanted and could be friends, to build a base, if not for a relationship, then at least for friendship. I kinda felt like we dived "head first" into a relationship, missing some building blocks along the path of excitement for finally being together.But I dunno. I think that if we become better friends, we'll get back together. Atfirst, I though I neede some time off, not contacting at all, just to let the feelings get lost somewhere. When I felt I was ready, we tried to be friends, but it turned out to be not what we thought it would be. That was a couple of months ago. I have stopped trying to force it onto ourselves, since I see that I can't just settle for friendship right now, when everytime I see him, I fell way tooo much for him. Time has helped me realize that I need to be truly "over" him to be friends.

 

I would basically advise you to be friends with him only for the right reasons, adn only if you feel like you can handle it. I couldn't, so I had to back out for a while. Time has helped and I have gained some distance and hope that we can make an attempt at friendship some time soon.

 

Good luck to you! I know it's hard to be confused, and I wish you all the strenght I can to hang in there!

 

Also, if you try to be friends, keep in mind that it might make moving on from the relartionship harder, but might also give you a chance to have the "friens" aspect of it.

[kekep]

okay, the whole friendship thing with your ex--very tricky but it also can be done i think. one of the previous posts said, it is important that you don't have feelings for your ex when you are trying to become friends with them. however, i have to say that you may always have some feelings for your ex, even if you decide to stay just friends. my belief is that if you do hang out with your ex, it should be at a time when you're not feeling needy and emotional about your relationship--you have to play it cool, even if your ulterior motives are to get him/her back. you shouldn't break down and cry about the break-up, you shouldn't tell him or her that you miss and love them, none of these things. if you go out with them, don't talk about the relationship, just keep things fun and light so then they will want to spend time with you again. this is all assuming that you want to get back with your ex eventually, by the way. don't call often and make yourself kind of unavailable--people don't like it when they know they can get someone--they like a challenge, you know? you may think that making yourself always available to your ex will make them want you, but that's just not how it works. anyway, like another poster said, the break-up does get easier with time--im on week 4 with mine, plus our 3 year anniv. would have been in a week, and i'm just trying to move on with my life for right now, even though i'm hopeful we may have a future together. i know it's tough, but trust me, people want what they can't have and it drives them crazy especially when you are completely content with the break-up and move on to other people. i have already seen evidence that my ex is very curious about who i'm seeing. anyway, go with the flow and play it cool is my advice to you--don't show them your true feelings are you will push them away!!

[butterflykiss]

Takes time, but can be done, easier when you have a new BF.

Beware letting him manipulate you into a becoming a booty-call buddy by playing on any reconciliation hopes.