After NC for 3 weeks, Guess Who Contacted Me?

[butterfly6585]

Hi everyone,

 

I hadn't heard a single word from my exbf for the past three weeks but now guess who has been contacting me again for the past few days? Yep. You got it. (I hadn't heard a single word from him for the past 3 weeks but it's actually only been 2 weeks since I last tried to contact him).

 

It was really hard at first to not contact him at all but it finally has started to become alot easier now that I've become used to not contacting him anymore. Normally the very longest my exbf has ever gone without contacting me has been three days & so for him to not contact me at all for the past three weeks was pretty shocking. I had even asked him to leave me alone several times in the past unless he was serious about reconciling, but then he'd keep contacting me anyways. So, I figured okay, maybe now he's found yet another girl to date (exclusively)& maybe he really likes this one alot & so that's why I'm not hearing from him at all anymore, because he no longer gives a crap about me. Thinking about that really hurt (at first) but in the past week or so I'd become stronger & am feeling more & more like why would I even want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me?? Also, I strongly suspect that he HAD been seeing someone else & that maybe things just ended with them & that's why he's suddenly "sniffing" around trying to see if I'm still interested in him. I see that he's suddenly once again active on the dating site (after not logging in for a few weeks), so that just reinforces why I think that. Yes, I realize that I really need to stop looking at crap like that & get to a point where I just don't a flying ___ what he's doing!

 

So, I was just starting to finally get used to not hearing from him at all anymore & guess who's been trying to contact me for the past few days?? Yep, you've got it.

 

It all started a few days ago on Tuesday night. He sent me a text that simply said "hi". I ignored it. The next morning (Wed), I got another text from him saying "hi (my name)". Again, I ignored it. Then, yesterday evening he tried calling me & I let it go to his voicemail. His voicemail message said something like:

 

"Hi. So, I'm calling you. Just wanted to say hi & stuff. Hope things are going well. Talk to you later. Bye". I didn't bother calling him back. Then, later last night he called me & left another message. This one said:

"Hi. I have a couple things I want to say to you so please call me back sometime soon. I haven't talked to you in like 3 or 4 weeks now. Also, please don't tell your mom or __(my daughter) that I called. Just call me back please. Thanks".

 

Why would he freaking say please don't tell my mom or __(my daughter) that he called? Cuz he doesn't want them to be p*ssed off when they realize that he's yet again just trying to jerk me around? If you can't tell, it mad me pretty mad that he said that. I didn't call him back. So far today he hasn't tried to call yet but sent me one text saying "You can call me later if you want (my name)".

 

Do you guys think it's okay that I'm ignoring him, especially since all he's doing is throwing out little "crumbs" to me? I just don't want to talk to him right now since I don't even know what his intentions are & I'm not in a place emotionally right now where I could handle (or even want) to be just friends with him. Now that this time apart is helping me to feel stronger, I'm even starting to have some doubts about whether or not I'd even want him back after the way that he's hurt me & jerked me around.

 

In a way, it really sucks that he contacted me. I feel like I'm right back to being in emotional turmoil because yes he's contacting me but it's really not a good thing since all he's doing is trying to throw some crumbs my way & trying to get reassurance that I'm still right there on the backburner waiting for him.

 

Any advice/input would be much appreciated. Thanks everyone.

[endy]

Remain NC, it is fine. You are doing this for you, not for him. You have not heard what you want to hear, and when you do... then you can make a decision. They are crumbs and that is it, take it as just that and continue NC and moving on.

[butterfly6585]

Thanks for your input endy.

[Chris Knows]

He is just being nosy. Remain NC. It's nothing more then just trying to catch up and see why you have stopped the ego boosting.

[butterfly6585]

Hi Chris Knows,

 

I do plan on remaining NC because I think what you said is totally true.

[Sunshine7]

Butterfly - I am in the same situ as you too, only the contact was not as frequent as yours, I had a text on day 7 which I ignored and then a voicemail on day 20 which I ignored. The thing is now I expect more and yes I want to reconcile but only if his intentions are that he wants to be with me. Now I am thinking by me ignoring him will he just think that he blew his chance and its best to leave me alone. The contact does take you back to the beginning and its about day 33 NC for me now

[butterfly6585]

Sorry to hear that you're also going through basically same thing as me Sunshine. Way to go with the 33 days NC!! After being broken up with my ex for several months now, so far I haven't made it to even 30 days NC yet although starting to get pretty close to that now.

[Sunshine7]

Did he break up with you - my ex used to get really annoyed over things and break up with me then come back, I would usually answer and we would be together but this is the only time I have not contacted him and he was so sure I would. I really want him to just send me a meaningful message to indicate his real feelings rather than just how are you texts and calls. I would love for him to write me a letter saying that he deeply regrets what he did and that he never wants to lose me (that's what I really want) but until then NC !! been close to breaking it this past week though cos the frequency of my exs msgs are about every 12 days and it's at that point now where I should be getting something else. Oh well, it's certainly a rollercoaster

[PrettyGood]

Ok, this situation is VERY WELL KNOWN for me Because I had the SAME. So I'll try to explain you what can happen in the future if you agree to respond to him.

 

First of all, when I saw your topic I just smiled suddenly. Well the situation is similar because my ex boyfriend once left me without any note. It was the biggest heartache (you know it yourself). And suddenly (the same way as he disappeared) the same way he appeared again. In 1 month of NC he wrote me simple "Hi, how are you going?" Ok here it goes what happens if you reply. I responded a long letter asking him "Why are you writing me - it's still so painful for me to live without you as you left me". Yeah, it sounded very desperate. So he used his technique (I'm sure your ex would do the same) telling me how he missed me, that it was the big mistake to run from me, pretending sad and saying "I think that you don't need me anymore after all of this, do you?" I wrote how I'm crazy about it and he asked if I can accept him to be my bf again? I agreed and suddenly he changed into the other positive mood so quickly. He told me "I'm here my love, everything is ok now, just forget what had happened, because I even don't want to think about it myself. Ps. Don't tell your parents or friends about our reconciliation". (sounds the same as for you yeah?) I asked "Why should it be a secret?" Well he replied (maybe it's an answer for you): "Because we don't need to hurry these things up. Let's do it slowly and one day I will show up by your house and they will be surprised that we're so happy together". BLA BLA. It was the most beautiful 4 months together. Now I was so careful not to ruin everything and to be much more better girlfriend. I've did everything he wanted. And in 4 months he disappeared again without any note. We didn't argue before or something, he just disappeared and deleted me and blocked me from everywhere (so just used me for a while and then dropped out like some kind of rubbish).

 

So my experience say that it's no good to reply and believe in it. Because the second time he disappear will be twice hurtful than now. And your feelings are telling you that you're healing step by step and you don't need him even if sometimes you are in doubt by asking yourself - "Keep him or leave him?"

[TheJerseyKid]

Reading way too far into it, I believe. 3 Weeks of NC though it may seem like a lot, its basically nothing. I'm a dumpee, 5 full weeks of NC in, and even I feel like it's no where near long enough. It's enough time to begin making changes and start to get your life in order, but the true test is if you can sustain these changes long term. Many people get into things and quickly burn themselves out or fizzle out and give up. I've had reconciliations come about from 3 weeks NC, and they have all resulted in a failed relationship further down the line. The reason is because what I mentioned above. You begin to change and evolve, but have not fully completed the process.

 

You didn't even experience what most consider the hardest part of NC, which for myself, and most people, is weeks 4-6. This is when you get past the 30 day mark and the real reality of the situation settles in. Most people, myself included, subconsciously or not, feel in the back of their mind that their ex is going to reach out eventually. That's why the first few weeks tend to be a lot easier. You have that hope in the back of your mind that they'll contact you or things are going to work out. Once you get a solid month or more in, that's when the hope starts fading away, and as I said, the "reality" of the situation starts to hit home. I'm on day 35 fyi, and it's harder now than the first few weeks were. Hopefully I peak soon and things start getting better.