Mixed signals and complete confusion

[notachance]

OK, I met up with a girl I've known for 5+ years now, and we went out and had a brilliant time - it really reminded me of when we first me and exactly why I've been friends with her ever since. We'd confide in each other about relationships etc. and have always been comfortable in each other's company without any hitches at all.

 

But when I saw her last, we ended up getting a bit drunk and sleeping together. I had only just come out of a long-term relationship, and she's been single for a while, and she totally hit on me all that evening.

 

The entire evening was really quite amazing - I hadn't had so much fun in a long time. The next day there was no animosity or any awkwardness. But speaking to her a few days after, she made it very clear she didn't want any sort of relationship, but also made a point of saying she didn't usually just jump into bed with anyone. We still talk loads as though nothing had happened, but I can't help feeling like I was completely played and used that night. I don't really understand whether she used me for sex, or whether there are any underlying feelings that she may have for me or not.

 

Some views or advice on this situation would be greatly appreciated.

[JuJu]

Well, like you said, you two were drunk. Things happen. I'm sure she didn't do it to use you and I'm sure she never meant to hurt you especially since you two have been such good friends for a while. It's good that you two aren't awkward after what had happened. Just stay friends with her and see if anything happens (more than friends) while you two are sober. Good Luck!!!

[Maverick44]

Ummm.........Enjoy??

[JuJu]

Nice Maverick...not, that was actually pretty lame. Maybe he's not the kind of guy that would just want a girl for sex. And I'm sure he doesn't want to be just used for sex either. He obviously cares about this girl. Dirtbag.

[Maverick44]

I'm sure he cares for the girl, Juju. That's not the issue here. The issue is that the girl doesn't want a relationship. As we all know after coming to this forum, you cannot change someone's free will. Oh you can manipulate but eventually that will catch up to you.

 

So, since the girl doesn't want a relationship, what's he supposed to do? Dwell? Be sad and/or upset about it. No. I don't see how that has any benefit at all to him.

 

So, his other alternatives are to:

 

1. Wait and see as you suggested and be on the fence the entire time, putting himself at risk of being hurt when in the end she could just say that she told him that she didn't want a relationship.

 

OR

 

2. Enjoy what he has right now with her. It might not be much but he gets to be with her. Expect that it won't last because that way he doesn't put himself at harm.

 

OR

 

3. If it's an overly sensitive issue for him, then back off completely. Tell the girl he can't deal with it the way it is and just not have the drama in his life.

 

You might think I'm a dirtbag, I think I'm a realist. I'd say to enjoy the time he does spend with her and if sexual relations are a part of it, this is wrong for a guy to admit??

 

Sorry - I don't see it that way. BUT, if a dirtbag I am, , call me "Mud"

 

Good Luck again to you Notachance!

 

Maverick