Red Flag about not saying I love you?

[Confused Girl]

My ex b/f and I were together for a year- he is 29 and I am 26. He has never said I love you before to anyone not even me- albeit being very vocal about engagement to me, living together with me, our future plans, what our children would be like- . I look back and find it so bizarre that this person talked so heavily about our future yet never said I love you and I asked him- why he did that and he said he got "caught up".

 

We are broken up as of almost 3 weeks. Does anyone think its weird that he didn't say I love you yet we were talking about getting married?

[Princess777]

It sounds like, translated, he was trying to say that he got caught up in the relationship for the idea of it being a relationship rather than for the right reasons. I mean, he didn't feel the deep feelings for you that he should have if he was telling you these things. He finally realized that and he broke up. A lot of times guys go with the flow of female "happily ever after" stories just because it's easier than rocking the boat and saying that they really aren't to that point yet.

 

Don't take it personally.... it has nothing to do with you. He realized he was wrong for leading you on and he got out. You'll be okay. I hope things get better for you.

[Confused Girl]

Thank you, this makes sense and good to hear an outsiders opinion. It all just came as such a shock when he broke it off. I do feel that it does have to do with me - and we were on complete different pages.

 

Had we never spoken about engagement/wedding- then I would have never expected to hear I love you.

 

It just seemed that everthing was so out of order and he did say that his feelings faded and it "wasn't there for him" anymore. It is so hurtful to hear that.

 

Also up until the last minute that we were together - he was still talking about future things ex: Living Together.. So was it all a lie?

[Princess777]

Wow, I understand how much that would hurt... I am so sorry. Yes, it would be very difficult to understand and to accept that someone's feelings just "faded" for you. *hugs*.

 

No one should have to endure that pain. I doubt he intentionally lied to you. He said he got caught up. At least he caught himself before it was too late.

 

Well, we've got to look at the bright side of things. And YES there's a bright side. He didn't cheat on you.... he told you the truth and you need to give him some credit for being honest and telling you how he feels. Believe me, you're hurting a lot less now than if he had cheated on you. That kills one's self esteem. The other good thing is that he is doing this now and not down the road after commitments have been made and the house has been bought and the car is in the driveway and the kid is on the way.

 

Count your blessings and hold your head up high. This is a sign that something better is laid out for your future! Good luck!

[Roffler]

Did you ever say "I love you" to him? Rule of thumb is that males generally don't say it first, as females will never break up a relationship for moving too slow, but they will for moving too fast.

[Confused Girl]

No, I never said it.

 

My family and friends do say that this is a blessing in disguise as I would have had a lot of heartache on my hands if he got truly caught up to the point where I was living in an apartment with him or had a ring on my finger and he realized that he didn't want to be with me.

 

For a female, hearing that someone wants to spend the rest of their lives with you is just as wonderful as I love you. SO i was happy that he was saying that. However, I feel that it was odd that he wasn't "in love" when he was saying those things.

 

He has NEVER EVER said I love you to anyone. So looks like he needed to get out.

[Princess777]

My husband never said "I love you" to anyone either before he met me. But he says it all the time to me. I think it's all about just meeting the person with whom it just comes naturally and it's not forced.

 

Yes, be very glad it happened now and not later. And while it's easy to sit here and tell someone that, I can only imagine how much you're hurting and I'm sorry he did this to you. I hope you find what will fulfill you without him in your life.