Two weeks of NC

[notgivingup]

To my ex ®

 

Memories of you and I have been haunting me all day and I have struggled to deal with it every single time. I try my best not to dwell on what used to be and just to pass on with my thoughts and focus on the present. I have yet to master that skill. I get the urge to break NC with you every time thoughts and memories of us came up in my mind. I want to tell you that my life has changed, that I have a job, that we might have a better chance at reconciliation now than before. And yet, I know I shouldn’t. That is not beneficial to me at all. I will not risk getting rejected by you. I will not risk getting disappointed by you. I know that I should not be breaking NC with you if the first thing I want to ask you is if we have anymore chance of reconciliation with each other. Because that just tells me I am not over you, I have not fully healed by the pain and hurt that you have caused me yet. What are you doing? Are you thinking of and missing me? How do you deal with memories of us when it comes up in your mind?

 

To ENAers

 

I have a few questions for you guys. What is the best way to deal with memories of you and your exes? What is the best way to switch from dwelling on past memories with your exes to dismissing it and focusing on the present? What is the best way to switch from a mindset of dating to focusing on you?

 

Any advice, comments, opinions is welcomed. Thank you.

[LonelyJedi]

You just have to deal with them. In my current situation, if a good memory comes up... I just think to myself that I will never get that back because the person I once knew and loved in that memory is dead. Sounds harsh I know, but it actually helps. And if another memory comes up, try to dismiss it to the best of your ability. To make it easier on yourself, keep yourself as occupied as possible. Go see a movie, hang out with friends, work more hours, etc etc. This should prevent you from thinking about your ex, without you putting any conscious effort into "dismissing" the memories.

[dramallama]

Your brain just has to work through them. You've only been NC for two weeks. That isn't enough time to move on, but you are on your way there. In the meantime, find things that you would love to do just for yourself.

[notgivingup]

Hi LonelyJedi,

 

Thanks for your advice. The first memory of my ex and I happened right after I woke up this morning; it went away as I got busy doing chores. But then another memory of my ex and I happened right after my chores were done. I tried to deal with it the best that I could. I do not think of my ex much at work; it is just in the morning, at night and during the weekends. You are right, the person that we were with back then is dead, the relationship that we once had is gone as well. So there really is no point in thinking about it and crying over it. I am still not over the crying and grieving stage of my relationship with my ex yet. And that really sucks. I am so glad I have this job.

 

Notgivingup

You just have to deal with them. In my current situation, if a good memory comes up... I just think to myself that I will never get that back because the person I once knew and loved in that memory is dead. Sounds harsh I know, but it actually helps. And if another memory comes up, try to dismiss it to the best of your ability. To make it easier on yourself, keep yourself as occupied as possible. Go see a movie, hang out with friends, work more hours, etc etc. This should prevent you from thinking about your ex, without you putting any conscious effort into "dismissing" the memories.

[notgivingup]

Hi dramallama,

 

Thank you for your advice. I do try my very best to keep NC going and keeping myself occupied. I do see myself moving on as more moments of laughter and happiness enter into my life. You are probably right, time will work itself magical powers on my brain and on the way I think. I do believe that my ex will be completely erased from my mind one day. I am glad that I have friends, family and a job which is helping me get through this process.

 

Notgivingup

 

Your brain just has to work through them. You've only been NC for two weeks. That isn't enough time to move on, but you are on your way there. In the meantime, find things that you would love to do just for yourself.