jim28 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 So my ex dumped me around 5 months ago. We dated for 1 year and half. The biggest problem I am dealing with is regret and the what ifs. She is a lovely girl and has a heart of gold. treated me like royalty. Now dont get me wrong, I treated her well too however looking back now I should of done more. I was there for her when she needed me, went out alot, very affectionate with each other romance could of been a little better but still wasnt bad. I was her first but not the same for me. I guess the last month or so we started to grow apart which i AM blaming myself for. The biggest regret I have is her birthday. I took her out to a nice restaurant a gave her a sweet card teeling her how much i love her. But thats it, for some reason I feel i should of got her a gift but i didnt, AND ITS KILLING ME!! I am a full time student so money is really tight. I am a stubborn person, and looking back i think we had some serious communication problems, but i just miss her so much. a week after the break up she came to my house to pick up her things,( when she intially broke it off i cried, but let her know i respect her decision and that she is an amazing girl!) she told me she slept with someone during that time. That crushed me even though we were split up, I just dont no why she told me, she said its in case we get back together but i no that was a lie. Any ways, I just want this pain and ainguish to go away! I am really down sometimes and am depressed, I need help! Thank you for any replies Link to comment
raziel1687 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Wow, so why exactly did you two break up? It doesn't sound very clear the reason in your situation. And if it is very unclear why a break up happened, I could see why it could cause you anguish and not be able to get over her quickly. Link to comment
jim28 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Share Posted March 3, 2011 Sorry, this is my first time using this site... well be werent spending much time with each other the last couple of weeks and she said that we grew apart. I guess deep down she just wasnt all that happy in the relationship but didnt give me to many signs except for ignoring me a few times before we broke up. I feel like i took her for granted. The big problem was i let my emotions get the best of me at the time of the break up, she ended it but wanted to talk and i didnt ( iwas upset i guess) we talked 2 days after that and i asked for a second chance but she was sticking to her decision. Link to comment
raziel1687 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 A couple weeks? That doesn't sound like a real reason to break up with someone. Sorry to say, but I think she broke up with you for another reason. A couple weeks is barely enough time to grow apart enough to end a relationship, in my opinion. I think she just wasn't really into you. Maybe to really move on yourself, is to see that she has moved on, and just know the relationship ended for a good reason. And this is your chance to find someone who really cares about you and loves you. Link to comment
jim28 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Share Posted March 3, 2011 Its just so hard to believe that because of the things she did for me. Thank you for the reply, of course there are other details involved but that would require me to write a novel. however i was loyal, honest always took her side and never talked down to her. of course we did have our fights but i think she lost the spark. she is only 22 and prob needs to get out there and experience the world. i am 28. thank you again, it is nice to get someone else's opinion ,especially a female. Link to comment
raziel1687 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 From the way you describe yourself, you definitely deserve a wonderful girl. And she just may been too immature to have the kind of relationship you want. 22 years old and 28 years old are two different maturity levels. I'm 23, and I feel like I'm still a kid! You need someone who is more at your level, who doesn't play the immature games of "Oh, I just don't like you anymore" or "We've grown apart in the last couple weeks..." That just sounds like an immature thing to do. Link to comment
jim28 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Share Posted March 3, 2011 Thank you, I appreciate that! the funny thing is she said she still loves me but who really knows. She actually came by my house about a month a ago to drop off something. she said she misses me and wants to bake me a cake. lol. whatever that means. I just feel i could have put more into the relationship, thats why i feel regret. but your are right, 22 is young. I think shes lookin for a dream world! hope she finds it because i do wish her the best. thanks again Link to comment
pat17 Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Hi Jim28, It's hard to write when you know so little about a situation about a break up and escpecially since you don't know the exact reasons of why she broke up with you.I really don't think that the age difference was the reason because I am 22 and by all means im not looking for a dream world. But I broke up with my boyfriend, who was my first, as well and I think he was and still is in the same situation as you. I will just briefly explain what happened on my side and maybe it will help you, or not lol. As you say about your ex, I was distancing myself as well from mine. But it wasn't all of a sudden in my eyes. We weren't doing very well a month or so before and we had a very mini break(a couple of days) but we constantly talked about our cummunication problems. My ex was very stuborn as well and I knew that he had a hard time expressing his emotions to me. After a while I just felt like he wasn't in love with me as much as he was before, or not at all. I did feel like I gave a lot emotionally but it wouldn't have felt so if he was just a little more affectionate. I use to go to his house to see him, but he avoided coming to mine(maybe avoid is a bad word) always said I was far and it was expensive on gas. But to give you an example about that: his friend lived 10 maybe 15 min(pusing it) away from me and he went there and didn't stop by to see me. As you say, my ex was a full time student and he was in a financial pinch, but it didn't bother me as much as he thought it did. I think he thought he was a lesser man because he could buy me anything. I'm more of a back rub person, something that shows your affection and doesn't cost you anything. He used to avoid giving me even those even though I gave him many because he was stressed about school and financial problems and kept promising me them, and cutting them down in time(1 hour to 45min to 30 min). I know it sounds stupid and by all means that's not why I broke up with him. It's more that he didn't seem that into me anymore. This only ties up with your story because when I broke up with him, he didn't want to and got cold and angry as well. I told him that I didn't want to get back together even though I really did, but what would make the second time around any different. I knew that he would be more affecionate with me in the beginning and then things would go back to the way they were. I guess I just wanted to feel more wanted. After that I got angry because I had to break up with him to be shown how much he loved me. But the damage was done. I cried for nights, asking myself what I could have done better to make him show that he loved me if he did. But I know that you can't change someone. You can only change when that person, himself, wants to. I do miss him, but it doesn't hurt as bad as it did. I know that we both tried but sometimes people just can't take it anymore and I don't believe it's anyones fault. If anything it was mine becasue I sometimes feel like I should have had more patients but other times I feel like what I did was good only because I didn't want to make him unhappy as well. My father had a major communication problem, and I guess because it was a serious relationship with him, I didn't want to end up like my parents who are divorced. I guess I'll stop here because I said it would be brief. Hope this helped a little if at all. Link to comment
jim28 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 Wow.... I should have know the internet is not private.lol. I have learned a very valuable lesson. I will delete these threads soon. The moment I read this I knew who it was ( well one of the two of you) and did feel a little embarrssed. However what I mentioned was from the heart so I dont feel ashamed. I would like to thank you for the closure. I guess Im just one of those people that need closure in order to move on, and that is exactly what I am going to be doing. I know you/she has moved on and I am happy and wish you all the best. For the reasons described above for the BU, i am not going to make any excuses. this is how you felt and that is fine. Except for the fact that you/she wasnt sure if I loved her. I did with all my heart. Sometimes I wish things could have worked out. I guess communication was a huge factor for us. But I have learned alot and will take this as a learning experience. Thank you for the reply as this has helped tremendously to move forward in my life. Hope you guys are doing well. PS; I cant believe you found my thread! this world is to small. Link to comment
pat17 Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 ................................ Link to comment
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