Friends and lovers

[confusedg]

Guys,

 

What are your views on the complementarity of friendship (of the deepest, most treasured kind) and love? Mind you, not talking about just any other friendship.

 

1. One school says - friends zone means no love ever possible, and get the hell out of the situation if one person falls. Many examples abound as you have seen on this forum

 

2. Another school says yes, but it is the closest and most invaluable friendships that provide the basis for anything that is mature, long term and successful. Physicality is important but not the be all and end all. Of this too many examples abound - not necessarily of love at first sight, or even in years, but friends falling and feeling years into the rapport and coming together.

 

Are these contrasting views, in both cases there is an example to be found? Or is there some middle ground, I wonder...

[MakeItCount]

I think definitely middle ground. My ex and I were extremely good friends, I was the first guy she actually confided in. The problem is when you stop flirting, being challenging etc and you get too comfortable in a sense. You shouldn't be on pins and needles but it needs to stay exciting. I definitely believe that you need to have a deep friendship to have what is defined as "true" love (whatever that is ). If I can't confide in my girlfriend when I am having troubles like I would my best buddy, then in the long run it just won't work out.

 

That's my take on it anyways.

[confusedg]

I completely agree- so when you and your GF first met, was it attraction at first sight or did it develop from a great friendship and involve smooth bits and bumpy bits both?

[MakeItCount]

It's actually a drawn out story haha. We were attracted to each other right away but I went back home for a bit, came back and went on some dates, cut it off, few months later met up and were basically like "yeah we're dating". The friendship part developed quickly as we both trusted each other right off the bat, super comfortable with each other, just clicked. I definitely was falling in love with her because of the bond that was developed though. I think it can go both ways. Friends can go to lovers and lovers can develop a friendship. I personally think it's more likely the latter, but it's got to be based on comfort and trust, otherwise it'll never come.

 

I hope I'm making sense here, I'm hopped up on coffee yet very tired and sick of studying, so I'm kind of all over the place.

[Lucidity]

I think that friendships are defined by the totality of the experience. My best friend in this world is not a guy, but a female. A female who I fell in love with and wound up having to let go because her "heart" needed something else. We still say "love you" to each other when we close out a phone call after talking, but we both know the boundaries of such a statement. There has been a level of maturity that has arisen between us which has been born out of the deep love and respect we have for each other. To that end I think that the "no contact" approach is just a cop-out, and it's sad to know that our society is embracing the concept of "cut and run" rather than the tenants of maturity and respect.

[Heartaches]

Friends can turn into lovers, and lovers can have a commited relationship. I am living proof of that.

 

I met a man almost 12 years ago. He wanted more than friendship. I didn't. I put him in the friend zone.

We remained friends through the years. He was always there for me. We both dated other people. Yet we were always best of friends. 2 years ago, something changed. We had both been single for awhile. I wanted to love him more. Dating was my idea. We have been in a relationship now for two years. It was wonderful but we hit a snag last fall, like most relationships do. He walked out. We did not see each other for two months. I went NC, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done.

He came back wanting another chance.

We are now back together.

I don't think the ties can be broken so easily when a strong friendship is involved. A strong foundation can shake, but it usually holds.

He is not always the best boyfriend, but he is always a good friend.

[confusedg]

@Heartaches - see - if he had gone No contact then, would this ever have happened? Would the friendship have survived? No...