Still hurts over two months later-- dammit!

[jdratx]

you know the ol' tune, your relationship goes down the tubes, and you hurt for a while and all that good stuff, but damn, it's taking so freakin' long for me to fully heal! i badly wish i could say it didn't because i consider myself to be a strong person, but it does. still feeling depressed inside and missing her, yadda yadda. been going out more, exercising more regularly, and trying to take enjoyment in all the things that used to make me happy before falling out of love has helped somewhat, but i have my good days, and then i have my bad days. today is one of those bad days.

 

still trying to find myself and learn from this experience as best i can. it isn't the first time i've had a relationship fail, and i know it won't be the last. i'm just starting to get very frustrated that i can't seem to move on. been reading up on the problems of others similarly situated as me with some comfort, but maybe i'm not doing enough of the right things to keep my ex outta my mind. perhaps more time is all that will help.

 

the urge to call or e-mail has been unusually strong as of late. we were going to try to "be friends" after we broke up, but i'm not so sure that's good for me anymore if i'm feeling this bad and i haven't even had any contact with her for over a month. prior to that, we last spoke the night we broke up. i must regretfully admit that i called her work phone yesterday and hung up when she answered it-- just to hear her voice. talk about pathetic. with every piece of my shattered heart, i wish she would call me or write, but i know she's hurting too and needs her space kind of like i do. it's just that we were best friends for a year and a half. all of that is gone now, with the friendship part of it probably never to return, and it all makes me very, very sad. i blame no one and am thankful i enjoyed this experience for as long as i did, but the pain remains. for how long, i don't know, but i guess i'll be finding that out for myself....

 

anyway, i'm a good looking guy, i get along very well with others, i'm outgoing, intelligent, funny, yet i can't seem to beat this depression thing. starting up what would surely be a rebound relationship isn't fair to whoever's unlucky enough to get mixed up with me right now, so i've been hesitant to get back into the dating world until which time, i can honestly say i'm ready to share in a loving relationship. i'm just sick of being lonely and without anyone to give my love to, so maybe i should take my chances and get back on that proverbial horse.

 

well, i've rambled on enough, i suppose. i think it actually helped me to verbalize some of these feelings. just couldn't get any work done this afternoon b/c my mind's so clouded. wish i had some ASAP assignments to keep me busy, but it's been slow lately. too much time to think.....

 

God Bless

-jdratx

[cs20thcenturyfox]

Ugggh, I so know what you mean jdratx, I broke up with my ex about 2 weeks ago and I still have to see him, everyday because he's paying for me to go to school! I'll be leaving for my mom's on the 26th, but man this sux . I've been doing pretty good these past few days though! I moved in my sons room, packed all my *beep*, and I'm ready to get the hell outta here! Like you I have my good days and my days when it's seems I'm going to die from so much sorrow, but then I start to think, do I really want to spend my life with someone who doesn't love me anymore? NO! I've been feeling really lonely too, sometimes when I see him I get the urge to just put my arms around him like I used to, then I remember that I can't do that anymore. And it hurts but then I focus on school work, my son and then I come here and read. I think what's helped me most though, is looking towards the future. I try not to remember the past so much 'cause I'm back to square one when I do. Also talk to somone, it really helps alot! Just think, now you've learned something from this, just like I have to think that too. Make a bad thing good....it's helped me a lil so far!

[Suzanne1281]

Ohhh do I feel both of your pains! I'm still recovering after a month after I had to break up with my boyfriend because he was CHEATING on me and still won't completely admit it (typical). He told me two weeks later he wanted to see me again and missed me and I got weak and kissed him and told him I missed him too. Then he stopped calling me and just kept sleeping with the skank he cheated on me with. I know it was the best thign for me to stay away from him and I know I have an amazing future ahead of me but it hurts to know he is one street away from me f------ the s--- he cheated on me with (found out he's cheating on her too, ha). But as much as he hurt me and disrespected me, and as much as I know I would never want to be with him again, I still miss him. I"m ashamed of that too. What I wouldn't give to cuddle with him in my bed again. Tonight I went to the movies with my friend and it was killing me b/c we had a tradition of going to the movies once a week. To think that he is doing that with his new girl is torture! It is SO HARD not to think about it!!! Everyone says move forward move forward. Which is hard b/c he works at the only bar I like to go to (I live in a college town, still in college) so in order for me to have fun I have to deal with seeing him. And I get so nervous before I go out because I don't want to see him with his new girl and seeing him makes me naucious. It isn't fair. I wish we could've just made peace and never kissed again.

I know it is time that will heal. I just wish it would heal me faster. There is nothign worse than knowing he is still sleeping with the girl he cheated on me with...even if he is cheating on her too, I still feel worthless and nothingness. I mean I keep myself very busy too have even hooked up with new guys! (I wish I could rub that in his face!)

So the comfort is: you are SOOO not alone in the heartache situation. I feel what you are going through and I offer all the empathy in the world to you. I guess we all go through it, and if everyone else gets thru it so will we. I guess I just don't understand how i want more than anything to get over it, b/c I know in the long run it would have never worked. So if i WANT to get over it, why isn't it working?

And no you were not crazy to call her just to hear her voice....we all do it at least once!

[cs20thcenturyfox]

Suzanne, what a real jerk of your ex to do that! But good for you realizing that this guy is all wrong for you. I'm one of those girls who falls head over heels for the mean and bad guys, but not no more. I decided when I'm ready to be with someone he's not going to be a wh0r3 like my ex was. Chris (ex) was one of those guys who would sweet talk you to get in your pants then never calls you again, before he met me, so I've always been a lil mistrusting of him. But now it doesn't matter because I no longer want to be hurt anymore. Like you, I too wish this healing process would hurry up, but as much as it sux it's gonna take some time... . He's been acting like nothing's wrong and calling "babe" like when we were together and it hurts! The a$$hol3 plays mind games with me! But it's all good, in 2 weeks I'll back in my home town and hopefully get my life back. Good luck to you two!