Asked friend on date...but not sure if she sees it as date?

[finittz]

So I've hung out a few times with this girl at university, asked her out to coffee etc. (but it was always as friends, or at least it always felt like that). So now I finally asked her out to a movie or surprise and dinner. She chose surprise (which is a comedy show), but I'm not sure if she sees it as a date or as friends going out. The times we went out for coffee I paid, but she offered to pay (so it still felt like coffee as friends).

 

I've only known her for about a month. At the moment I'm looking at all those things as just hanging out as friends and then this "date" coming up to be our real first date. She lives kind of far, so I asked where she lived and she said "do you want me to meet you somewhere, if that's easier...." so I said ya sure. So we're meeting up someplace, taking her for dinner and then the surprise (comedy show).

 

I'm not sure what to do to separate this as a friends versus date thing, or if I even need to...I just want to make it clear to her that I have feelings for her past just friends.

[BriarRose]

It's hard to say, but sounds like there could definitely be interest there. Keep us posted!

[finittz]

So it went ok, she offered to pay when we went for dinner and the comedy show after but I told her I'm taking her out so I'm paying today. We hung out after the show for a while, but then she said her friends were meeting up for drinks. She's like you can come if you want...but then she lives far and I wouldn't be able to drink and drive back home. So I passed on that. On the subway trip to where we parked our cars we detoured a bit (because of me, but she went along with it) and had fun. We got to our cars and talked for a bit...then she went to give me a hug and that was it. We hugged and said see ya and she drove off......I feel like I should have said/done more...now I'm even more lost as to where we stand....

[BriarRose]

Hmm. Well, she did invite you to come along for the drinks, so that's good. It's a tough call - I think you should ask her out again, maybe somewhere romantic and cozy?

[finittz]

So later that night at like 2:30am she texted saying "thanks for tonight and this morning I replied "I had fun..and some comment about last night". She replied "Lol!! It was a good night I didn't reply anything back, thought I should give it a break for a bit. What do you think..?

 

Ya, so I think when I see her this week I'll ask if she wants to go out again next weekend.

 

Thanks for your support and comments!

[BriarRose]

So later that night at like 2:30am she texted saying "thanks for tonight and this morning I replied "I had fun..and some comment about last night". She replied "Lol!! It was a good night I didn't reply anything back, thought I should give it a break for a bit. What do you think..?

 

Ya, so I think when I see her this week I'll ask if she wants to go out again next weekend.

 

Thanks for your support and comments!

 

I'd say a good sign. If she had no interest, she wouldn't have texted anything.

[Grokker]

You're doing just fine.

 

What's important at this stage is to gently, respectfully probe whether there's any scope of a relationship here (if you're interested in that) or whether she's seeing this as a "just friends" thing. The only way to do this is to flirt a little bit.

 

Let her know that you want to take this beyond "just friends", without ever being overbearing or threatening about it.

 

Compliment her and see how she responds.

 

Bring the conversation around to things that might potentially reflect future relationship interest (without being too direct) and see what she says, whether she sounds like she may be interested in spending time with just the two of you together. For example, ask her if she likes to travel, whether it's more fun going alone or being with somebody. If she mentions a place she wants to visit, say something light hearted like "I'd go there with you anytime!" and see where she takes the conversation from there (push back, neutral, or eager acceptance of the idea.)

 

Body language is important, as is initiating just a little bit of casual body contact (apart from the formal hug goodnight.) If it feels right, touch her arm or shoulder, or her back when guiding her to a chair or opening a door for her. Don't make her feel like you're invading her personal space, but just communicate physically that you're open to that sort of contact if she wants to reciprocate.

 

Her responses are the signals that will tell you whether she sees you as just a friend to hang out with, or possibly more than that.

 

If at any stage you get a negative signal, stop immediately and hold back. Don't seem upset or act like she rejected you, just keep your hands on the wheel and calmly steer the date back to the lane you were in before. It could be that she might consider being more than just friends in the future but doesn't want to go there too quickly just yet.

 

It's a difficult thing to probe and a matter of delicate judgment every time. Also, you have to be brave, because you're putting yourself there with the possibility of mini-rejections in every instance. Unfortunately there is no other way to know... unless you're lucky to have a mutual friend who can tell you if she's feeling a certain way.