Girls liking guys after they already have someone?

[orange blood]

Is it a bit weird to feel like some girls start to like you when they are going with somone else?

I know it's a big cliche when a girl only starts to like a guy after the guy is already with someone. But this is something different. Generally speaking "A Taken Girl Liking a Single Guy".

 

I know of at least two examples where when girls started going out with someone, it somehow seemed they started to like me. (to keep this post short, I won't include those right now)

 

Is it usual for girls to start to like (or at least seem to appear like they do) a guy once they are going out with another one?

 

edit:

Tried to clarify.

[Francis]

I don't think they started liking you once they got involved in another relationship, but perhaps they were just shy before and they feel more confident once they are in a relationship because that proves that someone likes them.

 

Hope it helped! Take care!

[Mitler]

I understand what you're saying completely, orange blood. I have noticed a similar situation more-so: That single girls will be more friendly toward guys that have girlfriends. I notice this especially since I'm older and single, and know a number of people who are younger than me. Girls seem to have this fear of me liking them, but I think that if I had a girlfriend they would feel safer that I wasn't checking them out. I've noticed these girls are much more comfortable with guys that have girlfriends already.

 

The thing I can't explain is why girls would think it is such a bad thing to be liked by me in the first place. I'm not sure if its just that I'm socially inferior or if they just don't like me and feel threatened. (Of course not all girls are like this, I'm just talking about the ones who are.)

[PAdreamer]

You have to take into consideration that people our age are still experimenting. They are looking for what feels right for them, and it takes a while for them to figure it out. Ergo having one thing and wanting what they haven't experienced yet.

I think you guys are right. Girls have an easier time socializing with guys that are already in relationships. But I think that it's partly because they don't feel like they have to impress them as much or fight to win them. The stakes aren't as high, so the pressure isn't as extreme. They feel like they can be themselves, so they are more open.

[ECD]

Simply human nature: people want what they can't have more.

[Outlaw2747]

I agree with that ECD. I HATE it when someone with a boyfriend really starts getting friendly with me. I never mentioned that I attract the wrong attention (if I get any at all). I had all kind of weird things happen to me. This girl that was going out with this dude in college (I was in 12th grade at the time.) she would place my hands on her breasts and make me touch them and she would be all up on me and everything and I would ask, "What would your man say about this?" and she would say "Well he not here so relax." I got other girls touching my butt and being freaky in areas where thier boyfriends would easily catch them. I don't know if these girls actually tried getting with me or if they were purposely trying to get me beat up.

 

I see guys do the same thing but he was worse. I know this guy had a really awesome girl (I tried getting with her once but I was too late, he beat me to it.) and he would blantantly play and flirt with these other girls RIGHT IN FRONT of his girl's face. She would get pissed and everything and even argue with him YET she still with him. And he KEEPS doing it and it upsets her. And she comes to me for advice and to complain about him. It really stinks man......weird but whenever she hung with me and hug me he never says anything.

 

But those were the high school days, I don't even attract the wrong attention anymore.

[orange blood]

Well my deal isn't exactly the same as that.

 

It's not "make my boyfriend jealous" or whatever. Trust me, I would probably be the last guy a girl would try anything with if she wanted to get her boyfriend jealous, plus i'm too much of a "nice guy" to even do that. Plus I'm not all that physically attractive.

 

I really couldn't explain or understand what was going on. With the second girl I mentioned, I remember hearing this girl say we were both red. I reacted too quickly to that to defend myself to actually understand in that moment that this other girl was red. It just went by too quickly.

It was also like the first day we actually talked and joked around in class. Weirdly enough she was wearing my sweater cause she was cold(the same girl that said we were both red aske dme to give my sweater to her cause this girl cause she was cold). But at this point she wasn't seeing anyone, though this other guy liked her and was always around her in the halls(few weeks later he asked her out).

 

I don't know, I'm just too confused and sometimes can only explain this rationally that I'm telling myself I'm over-thinking everything, and it's not what I think it to be.

[Outlaw2747]

I am not very attractive either but for some reason those girls back in the day would mess with me. They weren't trying to make their boyfriends jealous as far as I know. But it don't matter, I do not like being in that position. I don't understand why people do those things, if things are going so bad with your mate to the point where you are goofing off with other members of the opposite sex then why not talk about it? Be a man (or woman) and discuss these problems instead of being selfish and inconsiderate of your partner's feelings? Man I seen so many things go down because some guy want to be a player or some girl thinks she is God's gift to all men. Sickening....

[ComputerGuy]

It's a vicious circle and the mentality behind it seems to be this. If your single, no ones interested because there must be something wrong with you for you to be single. If you not single every girl wants to know whats so good about you. Then as soon as your single again, there is something wrong with you again.

 

A good friend of mine told me that. And yes, she was a female friend.

[PAdreamer]

ComputerGuy, your female friend gets a gold star for the session! I would say that pretty much nails it down.

Outlaw... God only knows what was up with those girls in high school. Some girls... They do that for attention. And who knows why. Maybe the attention they get from their guy isn't the attention they want. Maybe they were ignored when they were little. Maybe they have low self-esteem and need an ego boost. I think they saw you as someone who is so down on himself that he'd give a lot to feel accepted. So they targeted you. That's what I'm talking about in my other posts to you! The way you see yourself determines the way that others see you!

Chin up, sweetie! Someday soon you'll get the kind of attention you want! You know that somewhere inside.

[Outlaw2747]

Yes, somewhere in the deep dark abyss of my cracked, decimated heart I know there must be SOMEONE out there. Yes, those girls had some issues. But that won't happen to me again, because I won't tolerate that. Try hitting a moving target.

 

Computerguy's friend's cycle was well explained. Because even though when you are single you appear to have something wrong with you, there is always that one person who looks for the reason WHY you are single and if you meet their criteria, they ignore the bad and take you under their wing.

[Santa]

I've noticied that sometimes girls do this because they feel they are safe, because they already have a bf, and because they have a bf, it makes them more confident, and kind of gives the impression that because they have a bf, they must be good, and that your missing out.

I have also noticied that this kind of works, as girls I never noticied before sometimes seemed more attractive when they got BF's, because I guess my opinion of them changed.

[Outlaw2747]

Very true Santa. Insecurity can play a part in it. Or popularity. Who knows? But it is wrong if they start to drift away from the one you are with, even if he/she is treating you like rubbish. Let them know how you feel before going to someone else. But you SHOULD NOT dump someone just becasue you found a better looking guy so then you tell your current boyfriend, "Hey I need space." or some lame excuse like that. It is just so degrading, why don't you think before going out with him in the first place? GUYS TOO! I got friends who have done that and it is so wrong that it is a girl that means no harm only to be judged and dumped like that over looks.

 

Overall, it is wrong just to be liking and falling in love with someone when you already got a man. Simply irritating and very disrespectful.