my friends partner is a child sex molester!

[seza15]

hello everyone,

 

i'm very nervous about talking about this as my friend had said not to tell anyone, but i'm feeling very sick with the situation.

 

recently my friend got engaged to a man after 3 weeks of being together. she found out "just" before they got together that he had been in prison for 1 year. she soon found out what reason he went to prison. 6 years pervious, he had given oral sex to a 5 year old girl, the daughter of his ex girlfriend. she didn't press charges but ended the relationship staighte away. 1 and a half years ago, he maserbated infront of a group of small children, which landed him in prison for a year, with parole afterwards. he is into his 4th month of parole, so he had only been out of prison for a month before he started his relationship with my friend.

 

i feel so upset and angry that he has done this to children! when i met him, i thought he was a really nice guy. now i know his secret, i hate him! i feel there is no excuse for these actions! i can't believe that my friend is so gulliable to think he isn't capable of doing this to his own children. she actually thinks because he goes to church he won't do it again, which isn't true. i've known "a person" who was a big part of a church who molested children!

 

i feel guilty as i know i'm judging him but i now feel i can't trust him. when i start a family, i WILL NOT ALLOW him to be anywhere NEAR my children! i guess this upsets me even more as i work in child care, and amongest a department called DoCS (department of children services) and i know how this type of thing can affect a child for the rest of their lives.

 

is this wrong of me to be so judgemental?

is it a overreation?

how would you handle yourself in this situation?

 

 

thankyou for just reading my post!

[dpressedone89]

DONT TRUST HIM! i have 2 sex offenders on my street they both have done it more than once after they were caught most of them never change. if he did thats great but it was sick in the first place

 

to answer your questions:

1)no it isnt wrong to be judgemental not in this situation

2)no it is an underreaction if anything

3)i would explain to your friend that there is a chance he will do it again and just have an honest talk with her

 

 

much luck feel free to contact me if u need any help

-sTiTcHeS

[lady00]

Your reaction is perfectly sensible and understandable. If I were you, I would try to warn your friend from getting married to this guy. I mean, he was caught several times doing something that's just horrible to vulnerable children! Surely, your friend can do better.

[ComputerGuy]

I agree, you reaction was perfectly validated. You are handling the situation really well, had I been in you shoes, I'd have thumped him fair in the face the first time he came within striking distance. People like this make me sick, my step-sister was molested when she was younger, and it has just about ruined her life for her. She is very quiet and introverted around some people, and she hangs off others all the time. It has messed her up pretty bad. People like this don't deserve to be let out of prison, ever.

[hurtabandoned]

You're not overreating at all. He has done this sort of thing several times before so it's hard for me to believe that if given the chance he wouldn't do it again. Your friend should keep this man away from any children in her family.

 

I can't believe that your friend would still want to be with someone like that. I agree with you, going to church doesn't mean squat. She has no idea what is really going on in his head. Some child molesters search out places to go to come in contact with children. There are many children that attend church.

[CherryGrl]

Your friend should get away from this guy right now! Don't marry him! This guy is a wacko. Since I have one of these wackos in my own family and just found out about it a year ago, I've recently read a lot of stuff on whether child molesters can be "cured."

 

Apparently it's not a condition that is usually cured, although sometimes these creeps can be taught to control their urges. So they'll still lust after little kids, but they'll be able to keep from acting on it.

 

Parole conditions are usually pretty strict for child molesters. He probably isn't allowed to go to places where children congregate such as parks, public swimming pools, etc. He probably can't use the internet. (This is true in many of the states, I don't know where you are.) He probably must continue to participate in and complete a special therapy program for sexual offenders.

 

And why all these restrictions? Because the people releasing them on parole realize that unless they are very strictly monitored they probably will do it again at some point! So we have registries that let us know if a child molester lives in the neighborhood, in order to keep track of these people (and keep them away from our children.)

 

I don't think you are wrong at all to feel the way you do about him. I would never let this guy around any children. (That's the conclusion I've come to about the molester in my own family as well. Not gonna happen at my house. In the past this guy has often come here for holiday meals, but no more -- he's in prison now, but he'll get out eventually.)

 

I hope you can convince your friend that she is making a BIG MISTAKE! She got engaged after knowing him for a very short time, and she finds out this and she's not gone already? What is she thinking?

[seza15]

she "loves" him and thats why she is marrying him.

 

even her own mother has said to me that she extremely concerned about her daughters decisions and that she needs to reconsider whether this is the type of life she should be living. i agree with my friends mum! i certainly wouldn't want to live my life in fear that my man may abuse our own children, i just don't understand how she can't see the long term affects!

 

i should know as my own father has a sex offence as when he was 16 he had sex with a 14 year old, got bused as she got pregnant and had a abortion. back in those days (1960's), if you wanted a legal, clean abortion, you had to report the male who gotten the underaged female pregnant. as a result he got charged and a record. as this had happened to him, now we can't even be a neighood watch comunity.

 

my friend is very defensive of her man and gets really angry when judgement is said about him. i think she under estimates the seriuosness of his crime. Geez, i wouldn't have a issue if he had gone to prison for stealing or fraud, but molesting, no way!

 

should also add, his prarole officer had strongly suggested for him to see a phychologist, but he won't! my friend has told me that already he is self distructive and is "pushing" the baby issue. he wants children as soon as possible! what scares me is what is the great urgencey? they met in april this year, getting married in november this year!!

[hurtabandoned]

I seriously question this guys motives. There's something really wrong here. There's only one reason that I can think of as to why he is being insistant on having children so soon. That is scarey.

 

NO WAY should she be considering having children with this man. It would be HIGHLY likely that he would abuse them also. A baby is defenseless. To bring a child into the world and to endanger them like that is irresponsible and wreckless.

 

The fact that he turned down seeing a psychologist is a red flag. I hope that she wakes up and sees the light before someone gets hurt.