hopeful or realistic?

[lor90236]

so my ex broke up with me in september (hes a senior and im a junior in college). not because i did anything wrong, but hes just confused and afraid of committment i think...weve had a really bumpy road..I've tried my best to stay friends and remind him of the good times. we still have really fun times, but i feel like he's testing me to see how i respond. its like were friends, but we sleep in the same bed kind of behavior..i want to respect his decision that he needs space to figure stuff out (and i do too) but a part of me feels like i should back off...

 

the thing is..hes graduating this year, so i want to spend the last few months having good times, but at the same time i dont want to feel like im being abandoned at the end of the year because i often do hope that we'll get back together..and if i stop seeing and talking to him then ill blame myself for wasting months that we could have been enjoying together...so..should i back off or play cool? (we still have feelings for each other.....)

[finallystrong]

Sounds like he is keeping you "just in case". I don't want to sound too rude, but this is what some people do. The whole "confusion and/or afraid of commitment" ordeal is just a way to give himself more time to decide. A decision whether to try to work it out with you again, or keep what he has on the playing field. Usually, the grass is never greener on the other side, so he might be crawlin' back soon after you have had enough of the game he's playing.

 

My advice would be to back off and be distant. The reasons he gave for breaking up with you are irrelevant. If he is "confused" and "afraid of commitment", why wouldn't he figure out those issues before getting back on track with you? I've never heard of someone breaking up with their girlfriend for that reasoning, then become friends that "sleep in the same bed". Is there something you left out of this story?

[TidalWave]

but at the same time i dont want to feel like im being abandoned at the end of the year

 

Learn to live on your own and alone first, only then you're gonna have a healthy relationship.

[lor90236]

thanks finallystrong and tidalwave.

 

i mean i could go into great detail, but it would just be a lot and im not sure if it would even help..my problem is im often struggling with being hopeful (that he'll come around) or realistic (hes graduating in may). basically were friends, but often times its like were a couple and that confuses me. hes pretty much been confused since last june. i dont think hes intentionally messing with my head (he is a nice guy) but i do get the sense that hes stringing me along and im very tired of it...but i do love him, so its been hard for me to just forget it all..