need advice

[rnr]

my gf and I had been dating for about two years and everything was good. We had been talking about how we were going to move out together and our plans for the future. Then out of nowhere she broke up with me eventhough we were talking about moving out two days before. she said we needed time apart and she wanted to see how things went in college. Ofcourse i tried to get her back immediately and the more i tried the more she resisted and now she seems to hate me. Right after the break up she said she wants a future with me just not now, i kept trying to convince her that it would work and she just got aggrevated so by the end of the week she said she doesnt love me like she once did and its completely over. i dont know if she really meant it or she is just pissed at me. she has been really cold towards me so i havent and will not call her for a while and i just hope things will change.

 

I realized i messed up by calling her and not giving her space and just wanted to know if that is enough for her to not want me back eventually.

She has alot of things coming up and I think she is just confused and needs her space. any suggestions ?

[wickedbusa]

All I can tell you is what I have been experiencing in the past few weeks. She needs a break. There is no telling whether this is a good or bad thing. Begin the NC rule and by all means, do not call her anymore. It is only going to be more painful for you. She will come looking for you if and when she is ready. In the meantime, take this time for yourself. I believe that she is confused and has no idea what she wants right now. Take a step back and put yourself first right now. If she can go from loving you to telling you she doesn't feel anything anymore, then something is wrong. Let it go and move on, she's not worth it.

[hazlcha]

So you feel that the more you called her, the more it upset her? And that she ran right after you were talking about moving out together? Is this a classic case of commitment phobia? Sounds like it. Good idea to give her space, and ask yourself what other clues there were in her behavior that could explain. I feel your pain, man, but if she's a commitment phobe, do you want to hang on to her? She might run away every time you want to grow in the relationship.

 

You might try to get her to level with you when she calms down. If she doesn't, get over it. A person who won't share their feelings after two years is not relationship material.

[rnr]

answering to last reply she was the one that was trying to get me to move out and she went looking for places and made me go. i just dont know what the deal is but thanks for the reply

[Day_Walker]

The faster you accept the situation the healthier it will be for you. Its obvious that you want her back, but remember its a two way street. She has made up her mind and you have to move on. All you can ever do is enjoy the moment that you spend with a person anything else is asking too much. Learn from this situation so you are more prepared for next time

[Pebek]

rnr wrote:

 

she said we needed time apart ......she is just confused and needs her space

 

Man, my gf told me she needed 'time' in March. I've been in NC mode for over 4 months now. A 'break' is just a 'breakup', just that.

 

Do the NC rule and hang on tough. Ur not alone.

 

Pete

[rnr]

what is the nc rule?

[Pebek]

NC is no contact. It'll help u get your mind straight.

 

Pete

[wickedbusa]

Yes, NC is NO CONTACT. No phone calls, no emails, no text messages, no smoke signals, NOTHING.

[rnr]

i havent talked to my ex in about a week and i am feeling alot better and have stop killing myself thinking about what i did or didnt do and if there is a future. dont get me wrong i love this girl and want a future but i have realized it isnt up to me. I want to tell her i am happy for her and that i am alright with it but dont know if it is too early or if i sshould just not talk to her at all and just let it be. the only thing is i feel like a complete idiot about how i acted when i was miserable and trying to convince her to be with me bc i know that just made everything worse. what do yall think

[wickedbusa]

You not an idiot man, you just experienced a terrible romantic situation like many of us here. Keep up the NC, we are all here for you. Get out there and focus on yourself. Stay busy and remind yourself that you deserve better than this is life. Everything else will fall into place. I thought it was the end of the world, but since I started to focus on myself, everything in my life has been falling into place and I am having more fun than ever before. Move on, even if just a little at a time. If she really wants to be with you, she will come and find you. You just have to decide whether or not you would be willing to take her back.

[rnr]

thanx for everything and i was thinking the same thing about if i would want her back if i could bc she has been so heartless towards me and just doesnt seem to care about how i feel and wouldnt have the decency to talk to me, she just pretty much brushed me off on every attempt i made to talk. I guess her acting like that has made it easier for me to try and move on. i dont know, i feel alot better now and hope it stays that way but everyday is different.

[wickedbusa]

I know it's difficult, but with each passing day, you will get stronger and stronger. Eventually you will get to the point where this will no longer affect your life. It's hard, but know that you have the strength inside of you to overcome this hard time.

[cheerfoce4655]

mabey she thought you were rushing her into things.Mabey she thought moving in with eachother would lead to things she is not ready for right now.