all out of love

[radicalguru]

just signed up to this site, hoping to find answers to the way that i feel.

 

i am male, single 32 and have come out of what can only be called a disastrous marriage. my wife harassed me to the point where i could take it no longer. we were separated two years ago. i got involved with a very close girlfriend. we understand each other well and she takes care of me as i could never have imagined. she genuinely loves me very much and i can confidently say that in todays day and age it will be impossible to find anybody who can care for me even a fraction of how much she does.

 

the past year has been a professionally tormenting year for me. i have now begun to lose interest inmy current relationship. i prefer being alone or if i want to go out i'd rather go outwith a bunch of people than go out alone with my current girlfriend. sexually, i try to avoid any contact. this is very unfair on her and though she has brought it up a couple of times i deny it and dont have the heart totell her the way i truly feel. i know this is a precious relationship, but don't feel any passion in it.

 

where do i go from here?

[evepm]

Dear radicalguru:

 

Just because your new girlfriend cares for you doesn't mean you feel the same. That doesn't make you a bad person. You could simply not be ready for a committed relationship. If you prefer to go out alone or in groups, this I believe is a good indicator that deep inside you don't want this relationship. Sometimes the "right' person comes along at the wrong time. It sounds to me as if you just need time to yourself and again this does not make you a bad person. It is better to get out of the relationship now that to let it drag on and have her thinking that it's going somewhere that it's not. Perhaps you should talk to her about how you feel and somewhere down the road you maybe ready to be in a relationship. I hope that I helped and best wishes to you.

 

Peace and blessings to you,

evepm

[Princess777]

Greetings.

 

I understand that you are confused about your feelings about having a relationship right now.... what I'm not sure of is why. You didn't really mention why you think you're having these feelings... although I could speculate that you're just in need of some "space".

 

Oftentimes, when coming out of a divorce, we look to others of the opposite sex to make us feel sexy, attractive, and exciting, and to boost our shattered self esteem. This is precisely why extramarital affairs and rebound relationships rarely work out, and if they do it is usually short lived. When you are in that situation, you do things that you wouldn't normally do, because you are dying inside.....Divorce is something that no one understands unless they've been there. And yes I have. You not only feel discouraged about ever loving again, but you also feel like you failed at the actual institution of marriage, like you didn't complete a goal, a commitment that was supposed to last forever.

 

Anyway, I guess my point is that you deserve some time alone and you shouldn't feel guilty or bad.... I don't know the circumstances of your divorce but even so, it is done and now is the time to begin healing so you can love again later. Don't shut out the possibility of loving ever again, just give yourself a break. You are already acknowledging that it isn't fair to your current girlfriend, and you are right, and it's not fair to yourself either. She will undoubtedly be hurt, and so will you, but in order to love someone fully and completely, you need to learn to love yourself first. Work on your inner self, your faith, and your spirituality and these factors will help you move into a rewarding relationship later on when you're really ready.

I wish you luck!

[lunatic]

Hi Radicalguru,

 

Hi and welcome to Enotalone.com.

 

It sounds like you have a rebound relationship in progress. You should really take a break from the relationship to figure out what you need and want from life. It sounds like you maybe a little depressed also. I would say to take a break from this woman tell her you need a little space. Think about how you feel and come up with a decision. No one here can tell you what to do it is your choice.

 

 

I would say that if you care for this woman then take a break. Figure out why your so bitter (although you already know). It sounds like you need some time to heal your wounds from your marriage. BTW she sounds like my ex that I lived with for years. *ugh* I feel your pain...

 

Go figure out what you need and be honest with her.

 

Good luck,

Hubman 8)

[bleeder]

Hi RadicalGuru,

 

You might have yet to recover from the wounds of your marriage before you went into this new relationship. Residual emotions can wreak much havoc in your new partnerships if left unnoticed. That may explain why you are feeling this way even though things may be in place.

 

Take some time out for yourself. Ensure that you have really gotten over your past before you tread on into the future.

 

All the best.

[radicalguru]

hey all,

thank you all so much for your thoughts. though i am sensitive to my feelings, i often get overwhelmed with the dual emotions of fear and guilt. the fear of loss and the guilt of hurting someone who only meant well. thats not good, but its real and its true. and scary!

it is difficult to discuss my emotions with people that i know because around where i live, it is a very tight knit community.

your thoughts have helped give me perspective on my situation. in a way, i am at greater peace with myself.

thanks,