Need female input please

[hunters53]

Hello all.

iv been firends with this girl for about a year now. i have feelings for her. iv told her these feelings but i think i did it wrong. she currantly has a BF who i am helping keep the relationship in one piece. i dont see much of a foundation for it. i want this girl to know how i feel and to let her know iv been working on the relationship bewteen them. how should i say to her when we go out soon. i want to have a good night out. i want thihis girl to feel like a queen and when i give her my gift she will cry after she sees what she got. basiclly. i need female help to train me to be a better man.

[bzborow1]

Let's start first, you sounded like you said you are trying to fix her current relationship?? Huh?? Maybe i'm reading that wrong but if you are good greef sir. Even as a friend it's not your job to "fix" anything, just to support. Memorize these two words..."I UNDERSTAND".

 

Now depending on what the gift is i suppose that's ok, but don't start getting all wussy-like. Women like c0cky (programmin bug, fix it) and confident men, and they don't like pushovers. I'm not saying that giving the gift is a bad idea, i'm just saying be conscious of that.

 

Another thing, NEVER EVER ask a female what she wants because you'll most likely get the wrong answer. A woman will likely tell you that they love guys who are sweet, charming, have a sense of humor, etc...which is by and large a farce. Women want to date a guy they're "attracted" to, not a "sweet guy"...sweet guys are the friends.

 

I'm not suggesting that you act like a jerk to them, merely to tailor your approach with this stuff in mind. Think "c0cky, but funny"...think of how you'd treat your bratty little sister, and do that.....example of c0cky and funny...."you seem prettier then the average gal....but are you nice??"

 

Just learn to tease them as you would a lil' bratty sister. But at the same time throw in moments of "charm" like opening the door for them or walking on the outside of the curb. That one actually works wonders if you make a point to move them to the inside. 8)

 

Hope this helps...

[theallamericanqt]

Dont expect to much from your gift, expecting her to cry is a lot.

If she knows you like her, and she likes you then why is she still with her BF?

I wouldnt listen to much of what "bzborow1" said that might have worked with the girls he's been with, and all the girls he knows might be like that. But thats stereotyping women, and not all women are alike, because i dont personally agree with anything he said, not trying to be mean, just dont want you to think like that!

I would suggest being yourself, sounds like you know girls like being treated good, so for the "special day" take it up a notch, be extra sweet.

Basically just be there for her, dont pressure her or anything!

Just some suggestions!

Good luck

[RagingBull]

Go ahead and follow bzborow1's advice. But, you don't want to be too c0cky because it can be a real turnoff. Some women don't tolerate it at all.

 

When you be yourself, just act natural and "normal". She needs to get comfortable with you first. Forget the gift. Don't get mushy. Keep things light and fun. To make things easy just pretend you're hanging out with a friend rather than dating a potential girlfriend.

 

Like bzborrow said, do not ever ask her how she wants you to behave or have her tell you how to be a better man.

[wingshocker]

Basically just be there for her, dont pressure her or anything!

Just some suggestions!

Good luck

 

be there for her...do you mean let him wait until he has a chance?

[bzborow1]

The problem is being "yourself" doesn't work unless your the guy who attracts women constantly. You need to learn to do what works. Not that women are not attracted to "sweet" guys...just that all of the qualities women say they want are meaningless because if they're ATTRACTED to a guy nothing else matters.

 

Being c0cky does have it's risks, but at the same time do you care if some girl you hardly know feels offended by something that's meant to be playful?? Ie...it's not a bad way to weed out the cranky, insecure ones. But the key point is funny...if you don't add any humour to it then yes, it's rude...but you are not rude when teasin' yur brat sister are you??

 

Anyways....I do agree that giving the gift won't have as much impact as you would think because women are used to guys giving them stuff.

[ECD]

I completely agree with bzborow's reply.

 

So basically what you are saying is.... you told this girl you have feelings for her, she did nothing and got a bf, YOU ARE HELPING THEM STAY TOGETHER AND STILL WANT TO GO OUT WITH HER? Not to be harsh or anything, but DUDE, GROW SOME b**** AND MOVE ON! You are wasting YOUR TIME keeping THEIR relationship together, getting NO BENEFIT OUT OF IT, and still want to go out with her? WTF is wrong with you? She is probably using you, and with the position you put yourself in right now, it is DOUBTFUL THAT SHE WOULD EVER GO OUT WITH YOU. Continue your own life. If you are "keeping their relationship together", STOP BEING HER PUPPY, STOP whatever you are doing to keep their relationship together, and move on, it is not your responsibility. Take care of your own life. If she calls you or asks you why you are acting this way, say that you are tired of being her b1tch and thatyou have your own life, dont be afraid to say it to her.

 

Now you are saying you want to give her a gift and you believe she will cry when she sees what it is. Trust me, most likely, she will say "aaw, how nice of you" or some crap of that sort, whatever the gift may be, and it STILL wont get you a date with her.

 

If she says she appreciates you, she is just saying it to make you feel better.

 

If you are EVEN THINKING about asking her out, DONT, because she will most likely reject you (99.999999999999999999999999999 % chance you will get rejected). Yes, being confident helps, but if you have been this nice to her for one whole year and let her walk all over you, it is probably too late to get her back.

 

Stop giving all your attention and wasting your life on this girl, IT IS JUST NOT WORTH IT. I am sorry if I am too harsh, but it is the TRUTH. (I speak from personal experience when I say this). You are still 16, have your whole life ahead, find a new girl, are better ones out there and MOVE ON.

[Lauren Ny]

If you like this woman then by all means you need to open your mouth and tell her. If you're helping her stay with her BF, isn't that defeating the purpose? I agree that you should not have such high expectations with your gift. You should give a gift because you want to give it - not to affect a reaction. EXAMINE YOUR MOTIVES!

[parisian_pink]

Forst of all, don't give big gifts on the first date. I know you like her, but you will come on WAY TOO STRONG. For example, I love it when guys treat me sweetly, act chivalrous, etc., in subtle ways, like opening doors, paying for movie tickets, but overall, I am most comfortable when a guy acts casually around me, like we are best friends and THEN some. A guy who is too mushy from square one looks pathetic, clingy, and desperate.

 

If she and her boyfriend are on the outs and their relationship is failing, what the HECK are you doing trying to fix it? That's just tupid; you're involving yourself where you TOTALLY do not belong. Secondly, TELLING her that you have been trying to fix her relationship is not going to impress her. She will instead think the following things:

 

If you clearly like her, why are you trying to keep her together with another guy? She'll think you are a liar and just trying to play on her emotions.

 

If she BELIEVES that you are trying to keep her with her boyfriend, then she probably WON'T think you're interested in her.

 

If you do TOO GOOD a job convincing her to stay with her boyfriend, she probably will.

 

She will probably get really mad that you are involving yourself in her personal life. She will definitely NOT be impressed.

 

Take it from me. If she is involved in a lot of drama with her soon-to-be-ex right now, she won't want added drama and confusion from you. Talking all about yor intense feelings, bringing up a whole screwed up situation with her boyfriend, making it look like you are in on some scheme with her current bf, all of those things will be HUGE turn-offs. Girls who are just getting out of serious relationships do not want to immediately leap into another one. Keep things casual. Go out to a casual dinner at a diner, maybe a place where other kids your age hang out, go to a movie, get a sno-cone and hang out in a park, or something like that. Spend time as friends first, while still treating her like a lady, and let HER come to YOU if she wants to.

 

From personal experience, I can tell you that I went on a few dates with this guy who seemed like a lot of fun. We had a great time together, and I was starting to think he might make a good serious boyfriend. However, he told me he loved me and asked me if I wanted a big family on our THIRD date! Whoa, talk about overkill! I had to break up with him, because I felt totally smothered and freaked out. Super-romantic dates are best reserved for things like anniversaries, not first dates. And so are big gifts.

 

Also, gifts should be given because you think she'll like it, NOT because you want to buy her affections or get an emotional response out of her. If you do all this on your first date, I think you'll be the one crying when she asks to go home early.

 

Good luck, and stay sane!