getting back together with my ex

[caliboy]

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me about three months ago, and I want to get back together with her. We were together for a year and a half and lived together for a year, and we've talked about getting married (in fact, she was almost always the one bringing up engagement, marriage and when they'd happen). She's 20 and I'm 23.

 

For about two an a half months after she broke it off, I would call her just about every other day asking her if she wants to try it again, but she got frustrated with me - she never wanted to talk about us, just wanted time and space. These past few months I've been apologizing to her, telling her i miss her and still love her, sending her poems, writing her songs, etc. It got to a point where she felt as though I was harassing her, so I backed off.

 

We didn't talk for a week, and a few days ago, she called me and her tone seemed a little different. She told me she missed me, and she was (for the first time since we broke up) willing to talk about relationship type stuff. I told her I still care for her and that I would like to give "us" another try. She responded with saying that she would like to try this too, but for us to take things slow. She also says she doesn't want a relationship with me or anyone right now. It's the right now part that's killing me hehe. She lives 400 miles away, and I miss her like crazy. We still talk 3-5 times/week, and our conversations are good. She says she wants to take things slow, because she's nervous and confused. I want to get back together with her, so what do I do to win her back?

[nina]

my boyfriend told me six days ago that he didn't love me the way he used to and he had met someone else.

 

personally.. I think that this new girlfriend will ask him to leave eventually - as she has just done with her last boyfriend. Why? Because what irritated her about her last boyfriend... well.. my ex-BF has exactly the same qualities.

 

i would love us to get together again. however, right now I am building up a tower of ice around me so that the pain cannot get through to me and so that my emotions do not break out and leave me in a littleheap on the floor.

 

I need time to get over this rejection. And if in a couple of months' time my ex-BF rang up with a view to getting together again... as much as I would like to ... I would be very very wary of being hurt again.

 

For me... the ex-BF would have to start all over again... from square one. Trust has to be built up again.

 

I know it is the other way round for you.. that it was she who broke it off. But this is just my point of view. In my very personal view.. I think you just have to give things time. Don't put pressure on her. I hate it when people do that. It makes me confused and I do something just to get the other person off my back and then I hate myself because I didn't necessarily make the decision that I wanted. And then I don't know what I want and I can't think clearly.

 

Maybe phone less. If you do the calling all the time, don't. Give her the chance to come to you.. and don't run after her.

 

After all.. you already know that she is willing to give it another go.. so relax and chill out. if things work out.. you'll have the rest of your life together. And if you do want to spend the rest of your life together with someone, take things slowly and be sure that you are the right ones for each other.

 

Good luck.

 

i just hope my ex-BF eventually finds his way back to me. Your message has given me some hope to cling on to.

[Ellee1]

I agree with Nina. Even though she hurt you and originally broke it off, if you really love her, you will give her the time and space she needs. It is sooooo hard. I know. I am going thru the same feelings. My BF wants "a break". Whatever! J/K- (I'm just sick of hearing myself!). Anyway, I learned that giving him space has produced a couple out-of-the-blue really nice emails, just to let me know he is thinking about me and wants to make sure I am doing ok. I treasure those e-mails like you wouldn't believe, and they allow me to know that we may have a chance in the future. And no matter how hard it gets, I know it's because I am ignoring my impulses to call or write; because I'm doing the right thing by allowing him to figure things out. And that is because of the deep love I feel for him and think we really have something. If he doesn't come back, I know that I will always have a place for him in my heart, but for some reason we just weren't meant to be together forever. But the only thing that can determine that is time.

 

I think that if you were meant to be together, then sooner or later (unfortunately possibly the latter since u guys r pretty young and b/c of the distance), she will realize she loves you and wants to be with you. For now, feel happy in your heart that she still thinks of you everyday and that you are still VERY important to her. That is so much to go on. That's what I do, b/c I know Pete thinks about me everyday, and he is having just as much of a hard time as I am. (long story). Think of what it could be and how many people on this board are struggling to get out of bed each day because their ex just decided "that was it". And no more contact. That's it. Be grateful that she still cares, and feel blessed that there still is a major possibility there. Because there is. But you need to go on living for you, and she will detect that confidence and that helps a lot, too. (See how she called you after you stopped with the phone calls, poetry, etc.?)

 

It is so hard to go on living "for you". Believe me, I know. I struggle with it everyday. But you have to believe in your heart that you are worth her coming back to, and if you guys were meant to be together she will. Time sucks! But it works wonders.

[caliboy]

Well it's been about a month since i started this post, and things between me and my ex are a little better I guess. We talk almost everyday, we both use our baby voices, when I tell here I miss her and love her, she says both back (although sometimes says she isn't sure if she's IN love with me). We talk to each other in bed over the phone and always end those calls with "Sweet dreams" and "I'll meet you in my dreams." I ask her about her and I seeing each other again, and she keeps telling me that this summer, when her load is a little less, we'll see each other. These are the good things.

 

The bad things are that even though from a third persons point of view, one would think we're a couple based on our phone conversations, the calls are still empty. She still tells me that she's still dating other guys and is going to continue to date other guys and still doesn't want to have a relationship with me. She tells me to be patient, I tell her I have been for over four months and she acknowledges this. Although she says we'll see each other this summer, she says that it'll just be as friends, and that if I go into it thinking we're more then just friends, then when should see each other at all.

 

I'm curious to know if a girl who is doing what my ex is doing with the lovey dovey mixed signals, and who once was so persistent about getting engaged and married, can do these things with me, yet be out there hooking up with other guys. I've asked her if she's slept with anyone (stupid thing to ask - I know), and she gets angry asking me if I think she's some kind of slut. I tell her of course not. I guess I wanna know how intimate she's been with other guys, so I can use that to turn me off from her and move on. In fact, she's told me she's kissed other guys, but only on the cheek. Is she being honest about any of this, or is she sparing my feelings?

 

So I've been giving her time and space, but we're still apart and she doesn't give me much hope that things will get better. I support her with everything she's now doing, and I occasionaly ask her if there's anything I can do to make her happier.

 

She gives me a lot of mixed signals, and it's really giving me a different perspective of her. I keep reading in other posts that "she'll never be the same sweet girl you fell in love with," along with writing out a list of the things she's now like that turn me off. I'm at a point where I'm thinking of breaking off all communication with her on my part, so that I can get on with life and meet someone who's gonna love me and is prepared to stand by me. It's just difficult to actually commit to something like this, because we still talk almost everyday, and most of the time she's still that same sweet girl she was when we were together.

 

 

As for the guy who posted right before, I would recommend you stick to not contacting her, but not ignoring her if she calls. Let her be the one to bring up the topic of your relationship. Support her with whatever she's now doing, and basically be her friend. I'm curious to know what happens if you do these things. Don't propose to her, cause no girl wants to be proposed to in your guy's situation and it could end up turning her off. But you can still let her know somehow that you care for her that way, and if things were to ever work out between you two, a proposal would not be far away. I'm not sure what to say about her family's influence on her. When it comes down to it, it's you two who are to be together not you two and her parents. But having the family not like you won't help. My ex reassures me that her family and friends still like me a lot, although I'm still confused as to whether or not she says things to me to spare my feelings. Give an update here and there and I'll do the same. Good luck with your situation bro.

[caliboy]

update...

 

i was weak on the phone the other day, doing exactly what I shoudn't do: crying, telling her i miss her and love her, and some other things that i should NOT be saying. She ended the conversation with, "I'll call you tomorrow before I go to work, and we'll talk then". Tomorrow came, I hadn't gotten a call from her, and since she was going to work soon, I called her (stupid me). I got her voice mail, so I left a message. I called maybe ten minutes later, got her voice mail again, but this time didn't leave a message. She called me maybe 15 minutes after that, and I asked her if she was going to call me (stupid me again) and she said "ya I was actually just walking into my room just now to call you. I was in the shower when you called". I don't know what all that's about.

 

So we talked for about 15 minutes and then she said she had to leave to get her haircut, and I said to her in our baby voice (I'm so stupid) that she said she promised we'd talk about things today (which she did promise the day before when I was balling like a fool over the phone). And her response to this was, "Ahhh you're so cute when you talk like that." It made me sick to my stomach. So she said she'd call me today after she got done taking her head shots to let me know how it went, and it's 11:40pm and she hasn't called.

 

I've been reading a lot of past posts in the forums, and I'm realizing (or at least finally seriously committing to) that I need to stop all contact. I've been approaching things completely the wrong way (ie. bringing up "us", crying on the phone, and basically not being the person who I really am - the person she fell in love with. so obviously she's not going to be interested.) I just hope I haven't ruined things for good. ????????

 

She didn't call me today, like she said, and it's been hard, but I haven't called her (which is what I think she's expecting I'd do, especially after the past two conversatins we had... Am I off here????). When or if she does call, I'm going to ignore her call. If she calls back after a day or two after that, I'll answer and tell her I've been busy. I'm going to take on a happy attitude. One that doesn't care about the relationship, just like her. I wont be rude, just not like I have been. I'll be the one to initiated having to get off the phone, and then I won't talk to her again until she calls me.

 

Is this the right way to go?

[lovely1]

Me and my boyfriend of 6 months just resently broke up after a scary relationship and he is now involved with a new girl who i no will break his heart or just plain *** and leave and I want him back bad because we were so cool and i cant love any one else someone please help me

[caliboy]

My ex and I talk almost everyday. She tells me she cares about me very much and we both occasionally tell each other that we love one another. Yesterday (sunday) I called my ex, and for the first time all year, she's had a day off from work and/or school. To make a long story short, she flew up a few hours after that phone call spur of the moment. She came up and went to a BBQ with me and my friends and it was awesome. She was flirty, we kissed a bunch and to top the night off, we got a hotel room together. It didn't go further then kissing and cuddling, cause she wants to go slow, but it all felt so wonderful nonetheless. She flew back this afternoon (monday) cause she had to work, and the last couple hours or so I was kinda bummed that she was leaving. She saw this and got mad cause i think she felt guilty, but it wasn't all that bad cause i still made her laugh and stuff.

 

We talked a lot about things. She tells me she's very attracted to me, likes that I'm smart and that I can make her laugh, but that she's just confused right now with what she wants. She's been confused for the past four months. There were a few times when we'd stare into each other's eyes and not say anything, and usually end the stare with a kiss. She says she wants to take things slow, and we'd see each other again real soon. It felt so good seeing her, but it hurts so much that she's gone and still confused about what she wants.

 

How do I act now towards her? What can I expect? What do I do?

[Viper01]

I guess that my story isn't that different from the other guy's here, he'll i feel like a complete idiot when i look back about what i did.

 

I had a relationship of 2 years with a great girl, she broke-up about 3month's ago now. Like all of the other guy's here, i was constantly calling her and ask her to take me back. I live in europe, so we sms a lot here, so i send her a lot of sms'es with emotional content.No use to say that after a while she was even telling me that i'm harrasing her, stupid when i look back that i was actually acting like a complete and uther idiot. Women indeed like strong men, so at a point we need to show that we can live on without them, (for a while infact, just stop contact for about two weeks) this will show them that we are able to live our lives without them. I'm not going to tell that i have all of the knowledge, my ex-girlfriend is very stubborn, i told some things to her parents that she still hates me for, very secret things.i still feel a lot of remorse and guilt, like all i still love her a lot, and when i call her, she doesn't even bother to call me back, i just get her voicemail. She thinks that i'm mad, altough i'm not, i was just very, very emotional and tought that if if called her enouch that she would back-up and re-think the situation, infact i was driving her away, further and further.

 

Now i'm a changed guy, i do a lot of culture, read a lot, all of these things made that i've grown stronger and more mature.At the end of our relationship she told that she was initially in love with me because i was a selfsufficient guy, i was, but when we moved togheter i changed into a slave for her, i wasnt' myself anymore.I think that i didn't feel at home in her appartement, i felt like i was a guest there, her parents made me also feel like a guest there.

 

I guess that i want to say is that i don't have a clue how to charm her again, if she doesn't want to see the changed guy that i am.

 

Anybody a idea ?

[caliboy]

You're right on about the no contact for awhile (two weeks or whatever). And I'd do this, but she calls me too. If I was the only one calling her it would make more sense to stop calling her, but she still calls me so I'm not sure what to do here. If she cares (and this goes for anybody), she'll give it another try. If she doesn't give it another try, it wasn't worth it to her, and obviously you wouldn't want to be with her.

 

I care for my ex very much, and she tells me she cares very much about me, but that she's confused. I would think that I've just become a friend to her, but the fact that we talk almost everyday still (even 5 months after she broke it off) AND that she was affectionate with me when I saw her a couple days ago, I still think that there might be a chance and to not give up. After all, I truly love her and if it's meant to be it'll happen. I just wish it would happen sooner.

[Viper01]

Cali, guess that during my relationship i was a complete fool and didn't give her the necessary space that we all need.Space todo the activity's that we all like to-do on our own, like goingout with the guy's, spending time doing sports, etc...

 

I guess that regred about the stupid things that i did comes too late, ,at least i hope that she remembers that i was a good guy.I guess that i was too good for her, i worshipped the ground that she walked on, i now have the necessary knowledge how to fix the things that went wrong, but having a opportunity to show it to her i think that i don't have that, at least at the moment....

 

Maybe somebody can help me how to be subtile and show her that i'm worth spending time with, i'm not a bad guy, i work about 14hours a day and spend time at home working on my house. I guess that when someoene falls out of love, it's hard to get back in the race, but i still hope that once we can talk to eachother that the real me will show.

 

I just can't get trough to her, maybe i pressured her too much in the past and she feels like a hunted animal, i'm disgusted when i look back at myself in that period.

 

I only know that i'm back the person that she used to like, but how can i make a open communication ?

[caliboy]

viper, we all do stupid things after our girl breaks up with us. I probably did just about everything to (when I look back now) make myself look like such a weak loser. But she knows who you really are and that you are a good guy. Even though you were hurt and let her see that, if she loves you, she'll see you for who you are. All you can do is stop acting the way that turned her off, and be yourself. Focus on you, cause you're the only person who can make you happy. Sounds weird and I know it's been said a lot in this forum, but it's so true. Not only that, once you do start focusing on yourself, you become more attractive to other girls (and your ex).

 

In order to be subtle, you have to be exactly that. Keep some things a mystery to her about what's going on in your life. Be nice to her on the phone, but don't be too nice. Don't you dare hint at other guys she might be seeing. Make yourself seem busy and always be the one to initiate getting off the phone. When she calls you, let it go to your voice mail then call her back later. I'll keep thinking of other things. I know some of it seems like a game (which is what I have to play with my ex unfortunetly), so if your girl doesn't play games, then just focus on yourself.

[Viper01]

Cali, You're a nice guy.

Thanks for the reply.

I guess that the problem is that she "maybe" still consider me as a "pain in the ass guy" because of all the phones that i made. So i think that when i call her now, she isn't going to pick-up the phone. I think that she still considers me like a guy that is a "Stalker" and this make me sick to my stummic.

 

I made stupid faults by calling her so much and asking advice to friends and colleagues, these persons betrayed my trust by saying to my ex that i was disturbing them by askling advice.

 

When i look back, i was a spineless twit, this has changed now. I feel more confident then ever and feel greather then ever.Exept that i lost her by being such a "Loser".

 

Now to my surprise the passed by my desk last Wednesday, i was shocked, what the hell was she doing here ? She came to my desk and handed a letter (with commercial content) to me. I was asking myself these questions, why did she hand it personally over to me ?, why couldn't she send it by the internal post ?

 

Should i look at this encounter as a chance ?

[Viper01]

Update...

 

I guess that i learned a valuable lesson in playing this game of getting back with my love. Give them enouch attention to make them feel good but withhold the excess attention that make them feel wanted.In doing so, i will be able to give her a preview of what i can offer her.

 

So, in one perspectieve i should behave like a macho when i see her, and on the other side i should give her some attention.

 

I'm still wondering why she passed by my desk ?

[caliboy]

why she passed your desk? Cause she still cares for you and probably wanted to see you (even if it was just to say hello). This is good, cause it means that she's not trying to shut you out. And yes, act macho around her, but not like an asshole, and give her some attention but not too much. Not as much as you did when you two were together. It's a difficult game to play. You'll find yourself walking on glass a lot. I'm going through the same thing. It's difficult I know.

 

My ex still talks to me, and although it felt great and we were close when I saw her a few days ago (I've seen her twice in the past 5 months), she still tells me things like she needs more space, but can't promise that we'd get back together. I get my hopes up when I see her cause we have a great time, then she says that and puts me back to where I was. I lose sleep over it, I still cry sometimes and I get sick to my stomach wondering why she's doing this. Maybe stopping all communication for awhile is the answer? I've thought a lot about what I could say to her as far as taking some time for her and I to not talk, so that she can have space without me interferring. I know what I want and she's confused, and I think this puts pressure on her that keeps her confused. Maybe this is a good idea?

 

I like my first quote below, and she agrees with it.

[caliboy]

One more thing I wanted to mention for anyone who may have something to say about this...

 

One of the reasons, probably the main reason, she broke it off is because of my insecurities and jealousy. I think we're all jealous and we all have insecurities to some extent, so I think that's natural, but even now she reminds me of how I am jealous and tells me that's why she's not my girlfriend. I agree that I was a little insecure and jealous back when we were together, but I have become much more secure since the breakup.

 

Some questions running through my head...

 

"Just admit you're jealous," she'll say. I'd like to admit to her that I was in order to resolve this, but would admitting this turn her off?

 

I know that she was also somewhat insecure when we were together (although she has become more secure), so would admitting these things to each other and facing our fears help us move past this and work on us again?

 

Or maybe I just don't say anything at all, and be my secure self?

 

She'll sometimes say "I know what you're like (jealous/insecure)," does that mean she's made up her mind?

 

Have I ruined things with this girl with her seeing that I was at one point insecure? Or could she see that I've admitted my mistakes and have in fact become a stronger person (how I show her this I don't know)?

 

Again I feel I'm much more secure with myself now, but I can't just tell her that. Anyone have any ideas on how to go about resolving this kind of thing?

[Viper01]

Hi Cali,

 

I guess that i passed trough the same ordeal, my girlfriend considered me as somebody the clinged too much on to her. I was also the insecure and jelous boyfriend. This absolutely turned her off, she told me that she wanted a real man, a man that could give her the necessary space and that is not insecure or jelous.

 

So if i may be so bold, i think that you're girlfriend takes a little bit from mine and vice-versa.

I guess that during the period that i was with her that i always runned like a puppydog behind her, she absolutely hated this....

 

Now like you i've worked a lot on my selfconfidence and tried to be like a "real man", i guess that a real man is a little bit of a macho, now i'm trying to play this game. Today (and i'm not proud to say), i've send a little tile of flowers to her, i guess that she will look at this good or bad, i don't now.

 

My point at you're question will be, don't let her trow you offbalance, she will try todo this, i'm sure that this is a womans game.If she succeeds to trow you offbalance, she will see that you are not changed and this will surely set you back to square one.A good trick to help you at moments when you think that you will fall into this game, TAKE A BREATH, it will give you the power to take a step back and see it from a outside perspectieve.DON'T FALL INTO HER TRICKS!!!!!!!!

 

 

Like you i'm hopelessly waiting for a contact, my ex doesn't want to talk to me, so i have a big problem here, how can i resolve this ? At least i gathered some hope from the encounter that i had with her last Wednesday.Should i have this hope or is it also a game that she is playing with me?

 

It bugs me that she passed trough my desk, still my question is why did she pass ? She always looked me as a stalker, why should it be differend now ?

 

Maybe she is re-thinking it ?

[caliboy]

Spoke with my ex last night. The conversation went well: lovey dovey, baby talk, etc, but when I brought up how things are with her and me she said she's still confused. As we were getting off the phone, she said "so we'll talk again soon?" I paused for a couple seconds, mustering up the courage to say it and I told her "No."

 

Here's what I told her...

She can't keep doing this. She can't fly up to see me, kiss me, flirt with me get a hotel room and cuddle with me all night, then tell me she's confused and just wants to be friends. Then we talk on the phone and she's really sweet, but just wants to be friends. I told her I care for her very much, I know what I want and I understand she's confused about what she wants. I told her we need to not talk for awhile, maybe a couple weeks so that she can figure things out without me being a pest. She said "No, I don't want to do that cause I like talking to you." I told her "Yes, because you can't keep doing this." She got a little angry (trying to regain control), and said "fine, if you don't want to talk, then we won't talk for awhile and you call me when you're ready." I told her "No. That doesn't make sense. I could call you, but then we'd just be continuing this vicious cycle. I know what I want and you're the one who's confused, so you're the one who needs to call me if or when you figure out what you want." This is when she started to understand. Her tone changed, she got a little quite and was really sweet with me again. By this point, I felt she was being sweet so that maybe I'd change my mind and say something like I'll call you in a few days, but I didn't do it. I've done that before and it didn't do anything to help the situation. As we were getting off the phone, I reminded her that I love her very much and to not be angry about this. I think she understood and we both said bye and hung up.

 

I don't know about other people, but when you're very close with someone, then they break up with you, but then continue to talk to you post-break up and show feelings but just want to be friends, I don't see how this can work and both people feel fine with it. I did it for 5 months, trying to be her "friend", but I couldn't take it anymore. She wanted to have her cake and eat it too, while I was getting the shaft on the other end. Plus, it didn't feel natural to me to just be her friend, especially after how close we were in the past.

 

It was difficult at first, but once I started, the rest came out naturally, cause I know it's the right thing to do and it'll eventually provoke a response from her either in favor of us getting back together or not. Which one depends on how she truly feels inside. Now I play the waiting game. I CAN NOT call her, and I have to wait for her to call me. If I call, then we're back to square one, which I've done before and ended up being in the same horrible position I've been in for 5 months. It's tough, but if she calls I'll know she truly cares, if she doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be and I'll have to accept that. There were problems in our relationship, which we've slowly talked about and although maybe some of them haven't been completely resolved, I think if she cared enough, she'd still call.

 

I'll update soon.

[Viper01]

Cali,

 

That took guts, to say to her about stop calling you. I guess that like you said if she really cares that she will call back, i'm pretty sure that she will, because by acting like you did, you took her safetynet away and she will be schocked.

 

I'm fighting like a lion at the moment to prove to her that i'm changed, altough this isn't easy, i think that it's worth it in the end.

She still doesn't call me, but i guess that when she passed by, she still had some feelings.In the past i told some lies, i'm paying the price now for the mistakes that i made in the past.

 

I feel like i'm figthing against a brickwall, chopping it away stone by stone

.It takes a lot of energy.

[caliboy]

Just keep at it and you'll be fine.

 

I'm still waiting for her to call, but at the same time I know for a fact that she's seeing someone else. Not only that, but she's been buying all this stuff at stores like victorias secret and fredricks of hollywood, then going to see this guy. Gut wrenching.

 

I also just found out from a friend that before she was with me she was with this guy and lied to him by telling him she was a virgin when she really wasn't. Not quite sure why'd she'd lie about this, but it makes me wonder who else she's lied to and about what....

 

I think if enough time passes and her and I don't talk, my stupid brain will begin to allow all the shit she's pulled to sink in. It's sad, but I'll probably end up hating her.

[StillLoveHer]

I'm in the same boat you guys are.. Only two things different.. First, She is my wife, Second We have a child together. thereforeeeeee I see her every day...

 

I just setup an appointment for marraige counsling. If this doesn't work then Oh well I guess.. Life sucks anyways At least I get to see my daughter at LEAST every weekend.

[Viper01]

Hi Stilllove her & Cali,

 

I feel for you guys and i tought that i had some problems !!!

I guess that my ex is still blocking me out, i'm trying to get everything right and showing her that "a friend" has been telling lies about me. This takes about 50% of my energy and the remaining 50% goes to showing her that i'm not a bad guy and showing her that i'm sorry about the faults that i've made in the past.

 

I only hope that all of these things that i'm doing is not in vain. I'm just asking myself why she doesn't want any contact at all, i'm sure that she doesn't have another boyfriend, i guess that i should going on fighting for something that doesn't exist or will ever exist ?

 

I'm not going to give this up, if only i could talk to her, why doesn't she want to talk to me ? This keeps bugging me....

[caliboy]

I'm just asking myself why she doesn't want any contact at all, i'm sure that she doesn't have another boyfriend...

 

She just wants space to think. It's odd and hard to understand to our brains, because we know what we want. But if you call her, you're going to want to talk about the two of you and that'll just come accross to her as being selfish, because you won't give her the space she needs.

 

Just give her more time and space.

[Viper01]

Cali,

 

Thanks for you're post. I guess that she needs space and i still don't get it.

 

Altough i'm not a bad guy and i had my faults and managed to chop away the nasty chuncks that she didn't like, i hope that she ever will re-consider.

Until now i've tried everything in my power, sending nice emails, stating my case etc...

 

Nothing seems to help, she always told me that she loved me for the selfsuficient guy that i was. Maybe she is waiting for me this piss-off for a month or two.

 

I think that each time i contact her that i appear needy, would my chances be better when i cut the communication for this period ? In don't know, i'm plannning to go to a relationtherapist and see what she has to say, anywy i think that me being needy and NOT selfsuffient has changed a lot, so how to show it to her and how to regain her love again ?

 

Do you guys know if you Loved somebody at a point and she loved you, if that love can grow again ?

[caliboy]

damn bro, you're doing exactly what I did, and I'm telling you STOP...

 

Until now i've tried everything in my power, sending nice emails, stating my case etc...

 

Stop doing these things, cause it's only worsening your case. No matter how much you think it's helping, it's NOT. Stop all contact.

 

 

Nothing seems to help, she always told me that she loved me for the selfsuficient guy that i was. Maybe she is waiting for me this piss-off for a month or two.

 

She did love you for the selfsufficient guy you were. That's EXACTLY it. Right now you seem needy, and like you can't be happy without her. How horrible is that for her to have to go through. She wants a guy (like all girls do), who can take care of themselves and don't need a girl to keep them breathing. This makes us attractive to them.

 

 

I think that each time i contact her that i appear needy, would my chances be better when i cut the communication for this period ?

 

Yes, I guarantee it. At this stage, you need to do the OPPOSITE of what you want to do, cause nothing you've been doing has been working, right?

 

 

anywy i think that me being needy and NOT selfsuffient has changed a lot, so how to show it to her and how to regain her love again ?

 

if you're still contacting her, then you haven't changed, and she definetely sees this. To show her - stop communicating with her. When she calls you, act aloof and busy. DON'T bring up the topic of you two and a relationship. It may be difficult to do this, so even pretend.

 

Do you guys know if you Loved somebody at a point and she loved you, if that love can grow again ?

 

What's so incredibly funny and weird about this, is that you're asking ALL the same exact questions I was asking, and you're doing all the things I was doing. As soon as you back off, SHE'LL start to wonder what's up with you. 'Why hasn't he called?' 'What's he been up to?' And she'll call you.

 

The more you pursue her, the further she'll distance herself. As soon as you stop pursuing, she'll lessen the distance and come to you. It's odd, but it's how humans work. Three days ago I told my ex that I was tired of her wishy washy attitude and that I wasn't going to call her anymore. I told her to figure herself out and then call me. This is what you have to do man. Do it now, TRUST ME. I wish I did it 5 months ago. It'll be difficult, but you'll look strong and more self-sufficient by doing so. Then don't contact her and wait for her to contact you. This part's tough - it's what I'm going through right now, but in the end, if she truly cares about you, she'll come back. Read my first quote below.

 

As far as your last question... I still don't know. This is the stage I'm at now. I think the real answer is that it's different for everyone. You have to just back off completely from her and let time tell.

 

I'll let you know if there's any update with my situation and you do the same. So far it's been 3 days we haven't talked (I talked to her last on Sunday).

[Viper01]

Cali thanks for the reply,

 

I think that this "strategy" hit me yesterday like a hammer on the head, i guess that everybody act's the same and only get this after everything thy tried didn't work.

 

Aaaaah, i feel like a dumb shit , Cali like you said everytime i contact her she says that it's a lack of respect and she just want to be left alone. Could it be that i was too pushy in the past because she reacts like this, i was just so spineless 2 months ago, why couldn't i react with the cool and ease that i have at the moment ?

 

As for the question can love be re-vived ? I strongly believe, as physical attraction is ALWAYS the first thing that women percieve, second, if you mold you're character a little bit, not for her but for you, i'm sure that the result will be noticed.

 

I'm trying to keep myself in shape and work-out like a fool, i look more muscular then in the past and i feel that girls around me consider me quite attractive, there is only one girl that needs to feel attracted to me and that's my ex, i don't care for the rest.

 

I'm still trying to comprehend the back-off and no contact bit, i'm traying to accept it, but it seems that my brain cannot accept this strategy. It still asking me how this could help, it only thinks that if i leave her alone that she will forget me and as if i'm going to lose permanently.

 

Wel i've been strong for 3 days now and hope that i will get through the weekend without contact. The weekends are really a pain in my ass, i now that it's sounds strange, but it's then when i'm the most alone. I'm always thinking about what she must be doing, etc...

 

I'll keep you updated ,

 

VIPER