JenniferG Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 If YOU try to start a friendship with a female but she already has a Boyfriend but you still want to be friends is there usually an attraction for her? If not than what would make you meet a female and pursue a friendship with her? Ive had lots of guy friends when I was dating other men but in the end I always find out that the guy friends always secretly wanted to be my boyfriend. So Im just wondering... Link to comment
spandora Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 Interesting!!! I have been bringing up this issue a lot on my threads because my bf soon to be ex, always has had attractive female friends who seemed to like to flirt with him, or possibly wanted more than friendship. An ex of mine told me "your male friends all wanna sleep with you." I did not want to believe him, but he may be right. Which sucks because I don't like hanging out with women. They are catty and passive aggressive and competitive. But if I'm with a bf, I don't like thinking my male friends pose any kind of threat. My 2 really good male friends-there is no way I'd ever sleep with them. There's no attraction whatsoever. We don't flirt with each other. If they do secretly wanna be my bf, they hide it well. If YOU try to start a friendship with a female but she already has a Boyfriend but you still want to be friends is there usually an attraction for her? If not than what would make you meet a female and pursue a friendship with her? Ive had lots of guy friends when I was dating other men but in the end I always find out that the guy friends always secretly wanted to be my boyfriend. So Im just wondering... Link to comment
cruzer Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 It happens a lot but it's not always the case. No one here can say yes every time a guy wants to be ur friend it's cuz he is attracted to u. If I had to guess I would say probably more than half the time they are attracted to u. But I will also say I have not had a lot of friends but quite a few were girls and none of which I liked. As far as why a guy would pursue a friendship with a girl should be same reasons as their other friends IMO. One of my friends we liked a lot of the same music, worked together, and played the same games as well. Last thing I will say but I'm not sure how accurate it is. IMO a possible way to tell if a guy is interested in u as a friend would depend on how much u guys have in common. If u have a lot, then they probably are in it for friends. But like I said no way to truly know. Only they know. If ur interested in them just ask, what will it hurt? Link to comment
SicFounder Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 I'm attracted to a woman in one way or another. but I have to be attracted on all levels to pursue something. Link to comment
spandora Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 Yeah, but do you pick women to be friends with, because you're attracted to them? I'm attracted to a woman in one way or another. but I have to be attracted on all levels to pursue something. Link to comment
SicFounder Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 not if its only physical. Link to comment
spandora Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 I still don't get what you're saying. We're talking about picking a woman as a friend, not as a date or girlfriend. I think the OP wants to know, can guys be friends with women they're not attracted to? Is it always about attraction for a man? Does he pick a female friend based on the hope he's eventually going to get to sleep with her? not if its only physical. Link to comment
SicFounder Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 I understood the post IIjust had no idea how to put mine in words, lol. honestly i'm only friends with women i'm not attracted to if they make the initiation and all the effort towards friendship. i hope that makes more sense. Link to comment
cursedgirl Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 if a guy likes you,why would he only be your friends? well if he's that shy..i understand. otherwise,i think the most he can be is someone you sometimes catch up with. Link to comment
JenniferG Posted October 23, 2010 Author Share Posted October 23, 2010 Why I am asking this is because I have a boyfriend but I met this guy who was giving me all these signs he was interested in me and 99% sure he is very attracted to me based on his comments and prolonged eye contact when we are not talking. Anyways I hung out with him about 3 or 4 times now before he finally asked if I had a Boyfriend. I told him yes but he still wants to hang out with me and he still seems attracted to me. Im just wondering if maybe he thinks Ill leave my boyfriend for him and maybe he has a chance or maybe he really does just want to be friends. But from my experience in the past ALL the men I was friends with while I had another boyfriend they all turned out to really have more than just friend feelings for me. Link to comment
SicFounder Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 oh like being there for the fallout? oh yeah i'd totally be friends just for the future possibility. Link to comment
JenniferG Posted October 23, 2010 Author Share Posted October 23, 2010 What I mean by my question is..... You meet a guy... You get to know him a bit and he gives you singals he is attracted and interested... Than he finds out you have a Boyfriend.... But he is still pursuing to get to know me more and is still giving attraction signals... Does he want to be my friend because he thinks he may eventually get to be my Boyfriend or Does he wish he could be my boyfriend but since I already have a boyfriend he would rather be friends than nothing Link to comment
JenniferG Posted October 23, 2010 Author Share Posted October 23, 2010 Yah he did ask me more than once... "so how are things going with your boyfriend"? Link to comment
SicFounder Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 yeah, he wants more. but if you see him as a future candidate go with the friendship. Link to comment
spandora Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 Seriously?? While she has a boyfriend? I think that's totally inappropriate. I think if you know the guy wants more, it's disrespectful to your bf to hang out with the guy. This is exactly what my bf did, that is one of the things destroying our relationship. Whether he did it to boost his ego, or to make sure he had a "backup', I dunno, but it hurts. yeah, he wants more. but if you see him as a future candidate go with the friendship. Link to comment
SicFounder Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 i'm not saying pry at it or tease. keep it strictly a friendship. Link to comment
Mauxly Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 Seriously?? While she has a boyfriend? I think that's totally inappropriate. I think if you know the guy wants more, it's disrespectful to your bf to hang out with the guy. This is exactly what my bf did, that is one of the things destroying our relationship. Whether he did it to boost his ego, or to make sure he had a "backup', I dunno, but it hurts. I agree with this. How would you feel if your boyfriend was hanging out with a women that was 'initially' attracted to him? And why did it take three meetings for the mention of your boyfriend. I have a hunch that there's more than meets the eye here. How are things going between you and your boyfriend? I think that's the most important question here. Link to comment
spandora Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 What? That makes no sense. She can keep it strictly friendship; it's still not right for her to keep around this guy who wants to date her while she has a bf. You're basically telling her to keep this guy as a "backup." Do you not realize how disrespectful this is to her boyfriend? Do you treat your girlfriends like this? i'm not saying pry at it or tease. keep it strictly a friendship. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 Yes, I think it's very possible. A good friend of mine we somewhat had a "curiosity" for each other a while back but wind up going our separate ways. Basically, she ended up dating another guy and pursued after other women. Within that stretch of time we've gotten more close as friends then we did when we were somewhat hot about each other. Honestly, it's been for good measure too. I think we're better as friends then we'd be if we were in a relationship. Link to comment
Lamour detruit Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 Most guys who already show interest before you mention you have a boyfriend and then turn to trying to be friends with you in general are not looking to be true friends, and would sleep with you any chance they have. They merely change their behavior because they realize trying to push things will not make things happen. Sad, but true. Link to comment
spandora Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 I've been in the position of the person who's significant other is hanging out with friends who are attracted to him, and believe me, it is not a fun position to be in. Most guys who already show interest before you mention you have a boyfriend and then turn to trying to be friends with you in general are not looking to be true friends, and would sleep with you any chance they have. They merely change their behavior because they realize trying to push things will not make things happen. Sad, but true. Link to comment
JenniferG Posted October 23, 2010 Author Share Posted October 23, 2010 Ok but thats what I am trying to find out. I dont know 100% he desires more than friends with me. Im just saying in the past when I was friends with guys it happened this way a lot. He knows I have a BF ans he hasnt tried to make any moves on me at all. But he does show a lot of signs of being attracted to me. The problem is that my boyfriend only cares about work and never wants to do things. I dont really know anyone in the area and this guy (he is a neighbor) and I actually like to do a lot of the same things and I think we could have a lot of fun. I have had really good guy friends in the past with the friendship lasting many years and I never desired more than friends. But I always ended finding out eventually that the whole time that the guy always wished he was my boyfriend. Link to comment
JenniferG Posted October 23, 2010 Author Share Posted October 23, 2010 The reason the boyfriend thing never came up so soon is because when I met him we never really did the whole 20 questin thing... like whats your age, job, interrests ect... we just started talking about our dogs if we were outside walking them, or about the neighborhood and just random things. It wasnt like we were talking to become friends. Than he started acting interested in more with me and thats when he started asking more about me specifically. When we first started talking I never thought we would keep talking. Link to comment
Mauxly Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 The problem is that my boyfriend only cares about work and never wants to do things. I dont really know anyone in the area and this guy (he is a neighbor) and I actually like to do a lot of the same things and I think we could have a lot of fun. Alarm bells are ringing. You should not pursue a friendship with this man. You should have a serious talk with your bf about his neglect of the relationship. Focus in fixing your relationship with him. If he can't or won't step up, you may have to leave. But it would be very unwise to develop a strong friendship with another man in the meantime. Even if it doesn't lead to infidelity, it will lead to confusion and hurt feelings for everyone involved. Stop for a moment and pretend the rolls were reversed. Pretend your boyfriend was unsatisfied with aspects of the relationship and sought to fulfill them with another female friend, who flirts with him. Or imagine that you are attracted to a taken man, but he just uses you to relieve some boredom with no intention of leaving his woman. Or worse, if he does intend to! It takes time and effort, but you can find female friends. Please....put down the matches, you're likely to burn the house down. Link to comment
shuttlefish Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 Guys who want to be women's friends: 75% they want to sleep with you when/if you break up with your boyfriend 10% they enjoy unrequited relationships and/or they are super shy and this is better than nothing. 5% They want to be with your friend so that they can sleep with your female friends. 5% It increases their rep to have an attractive woman as a friend 5% They actually want to be your friend. Stats apply to straight men only. Exceptions: you grew up together or he needs you for career networking. Guys are practical and mercenary. The cat's out of the bag...sorry everyone. Link to comment
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