Being gay has left me nothing but depression & lonelines

[Atlanta_GeorgiaBoy]

Hello, my name is Marcus... I'm 17... Going to be a senior in High School in the fall. All my life I've had to hide & I'm really unhappy because I'm gay. I've never had a boyfriend, never kissed or anything... Not really popular but alot of people know me. I tend to have femenine characteristics... I'm not extremely femenine but people seem to pick up on that... Rumors always fly around the school about me being gay. I would come out but it is too much drama if I do... Old friends will stray away from me.... I will be hated on.

 

 

 

Fortunately through gay a teens personals column... I found a friend who goes to my school who is bi, what was even funnier was that he was in one the same classes as me. We keep each others secrets & we've become really cool! I can say we've become best friends. But it seems like living this lifestyle made me miss out on alot.. I've developed low self esteem & became very shy & quiet in fear of people figuring me out.

 

 

 

I have friends that think I'm gay & often ask me from time to time if I am but I always deny it. I wish I could have me a boyfriend or someone to go to the movies & hang out with.. It seems like guys have shown interest before but I never act on them in fear that they will turn up being straight. During elementary school... I was sometimes teased on about the way I walk & talk... So it's like now... I try & act to be masculine as I can be.... It's not really me but I just want people to shut up... I just feel so closed... I feel like being trapped in a box waiting to come out. I would like to tell everyone about me but my fear is rejection. With this fear... I don't hardly go out in fear I'll get picked on.... I feel ugly at times because I have some acne & blemishes so that just brings my self-esteem even lower than it was. I just don't know what to do or how to get out of this low feeling.... I hope someone can help... Thanks for listening .

[ForAnother]

I don't know what its like my friend, for I am not gay. However when i was in 9th grade, there was a senior who was gay. He had come out and surprisingly alot of people liked him... he was open about it, and would talk to people about it. Some people started talking behind his back and he was getting really pissed off. So during chapel (episcopalian private HS) he went up to the front of chapel, and gave an announcement. He said "if you are gay raise your hand." Then he said that he would have meeting with anyone that had a problem with him being gay. People were kinda taken aback, but he got his revenge in the way that, whenever people would talk like that, people would always defend someone being gay rather than slander them..

 

I think that you are you. You have to develope the mind that it is OK to be gay... and that I suppose you have to rise up to these jerks and give them a piece of your mind in some way. Sorry people are like that.. can't change the world

 

Best of luck.

 

ForAnother

[maynards_razorblade69]

Aww, it's hard!!

You're in a difficult position, because if you DO come out, as you said some people will hate you, but then again some people will only like you because they believe they're being discriminatory if they don't. So it's gonna be hard for you to know whether or not they're genuine.

I feel for you, I really do, as I am bi, and have had it ripped out of me before, beaten up, some really nasty stuff.

But remember...you can't help what you are, and some people will look beyond what everyone says about you, and some of feminine characteristics you say you have, and they'll become really good friends.

As for the boyfriend thing, when someone special comes along, then someone special comes along!! And it'll be great. Your bi best friend is being great supporting you like he is, and maybe there's gonna be something between you two??!

Love Lottie

xxx

[johnjohn]

im a couple of years younger than you and i just recently came out. let me tell you coming out will not be nearly as bad as you think. i didnt come out in my school or anything, simply because its not the right time for me or anything, but its not as big of a deal as you are making it out to be. Im not saying you need to go and tell the whole world. However, if you have one friend, besides your bisexual friend, who you fell you can really trust and who is truly your friend, just tell them. I just very recently came out to my best friend and literally, she was like "okay, whatever." I absolutely did not expect this. instead i expected the complete opposite. It will feel so good to tell someone and finally just one more person to talk to it about. Trust me. If theres ever any need to talk, email me at email removed. I understand how important it is to talk to people and to have support.

[jayjayonline2000]

hello, i just read your posting and i think you should start praying to jesus because that will be the only one that can help you. believe me and you will see the difference

[Swilza]

Hi there Marcus

 

It's really a pity that there's so many young guys like yourself have to go through this. I know it's really tough. I've been through the exact same experience as you and can really identify with your longing to feel the love of someone by your side.

 

My advice to you though, is to hang in there. You're still very young and have many years ahead of you. Whatever you do, don't ever go looking for love because you're going to end up hurt. If you're patient, you're going the meet the guy of your dreams and you'll know that the two of you are meant to be.

 

I spent 4 years searching for love and watched my life fade away as I got more involved with things that would have eventually killed me... all because I felt like you did at your age. Fortunately I was able to get out of what I was involved in. It took another 3 years for me to finally find the absolute love of my life.

 

I met my boyfriend through another friend of mine. I actually never knew he was gay until about 3 months later. We became so close and now have the most incredible relationship ever. Unfortunately we're over 25000km apart but we're dedicated to each other and will be re-united November this year.

 

My advice... be patient. You can't rush love, and you won't find love if you go searching for it. You might just get temporary fulfilment if you go out searching, but it won't last... You'll know though when you've met the right person.

 

One other thing... be who you are. You don't have to change yourself for anyone. You are totally unique and only you can determine how much fun you can have in this life. Be who you are...

 

Good Luck Marcus

[Matt Man]

Atlanta Georgia......I am much older but felt compelled to reply to your post. I am 33 years old and have only been out for 5 years. I have no idea how I stumbled upon your post, but felt that I might tell you a little about my journey in coming out. I am heading to my 15 year highschool reunion next month and I will be seeing these people for the first time since I have come out. Many people accused me of being gay in highschool, and I like you, knew I was gay. I had a very low self esteem back then as well. I attempted suicide at 23 and continued to live my life in hopes of meeting everyone elses expectations of me. I let what others felt was right, or the "norm" eat me up inside.

 

I would strongly encourage you to read.... read all you can to help you understand what is going on. This world can be hard enough without beating up on ourselves. I pray that you find happiness with yourself. I too live here in Atlanta, and I would strongly encourage you to seek information about the Youth Pride organization here in Atlanta.

 

Highschool is only a small part of you life in the whole scheme of things. I know right now, it is everything, but you too will look back one day and realize it was only another stepping stone you the path of life. I am openly gay, have a wonderful partner, a great career, and a wonderful circle of friends that are both straight and gay. Hang in there..... feel free to write if you feel the need. Good luck and may God bless you!

[Jake212]

Iam much older than you and coming out is a very stressful time, but you would be surprised at how much it does lift your self-estem. Should you come out in high school, it sounds like you may have started making the descision. But remember high school is just a beginning. you have so much living ahead of you right now and having a boyfriend is not that big a deal. Its sound like you need to be a peace with yourself, become comfortable with who you are, (trust me your not a bad person for being gay and dont let anyone tell you different), then maybe try getting a boyfriend. But take your time and try to be happy with yourself. You dont have to come out to anyone one you dont want to, its your business not your classmates. If you want to wait till you get out of school and then start coming out, thats fine, I've found that I dont have any friends from high school and all my meaningful relationships are people I met in college and various other functions along my long life. I also would suggest doing a lot or reading to ease your mind then you may want to contact a local chapter of Outright. Check on the web for it. Its a bunch of kids your age with the same problems.

[marsbar1]

Hey,

 

my name is adam, im 14 years old and fro the past year and a hlaf i have realized that im gay but i have not told ne one yet, i have never had a boyfriend but i think that would cheere me up if i could find some one around my age in calgary. so. . . . . ya im pretty lonley and i can realte to alot of gay ppl