BigMistake1607306452 Posted April 2, 2003 Share Posted April 2, 2003 I have been reading posts here for a while to get a better understanding of what to do and what is going on and now I want to share with you my story so that others may benefit from my experience. Three years ago, I met the woman of my dreams and I did not realize it. She was my first TRUE everything. Her being my first, I had a view that I wanted to explore, see what else is out there and thus never completely committed myself to her. I loved her company, and whenever I was away, I could see how much she meant to me and asked to marry me twice(while away) and both times she agreed and I took it back. I did this cycle of happy/sad relationship for almost 3 years. She loved me with all her heart, devotion, soul, everything she had and prayed each night that I'd return her love. But I never did. I hurt her so much that she has now lost her trust in me. And she doesn't love me the same way anymore. Plus, I drove her to find that love in the arms of another man. She never cheated or was unfaithful. She found the comfort in a friend and later between our on and off relationship, while we were no longer together, she fell in love with him. But she ended it with him just to come back to me and see if I had changed, but of course at that point I still had not. So then after I hurt her, and pushed her away, it was finally over. Once it was truly over, I questioned myself until finally I found my answer. I DO love her and I can't lose her and I made a committment to be hers forever. I loved her in the past as well but I pushed her away and didn't express it because I was insecure about my feelings. I wanted to 'play'. I never thought I would lose her and she never thought I would love her. But I do truly love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her. I was never unfaithful, I simply couldn't commit. My mind wondered and I could not love her fully because of it. She is now torn because she loves me as well as the other guy but it's too great a sacrifice to pick one over the other. And this was tearing her apart. She wants to give me a last chance and she also feels he could be the one for her as well. If she gave me a chance now it would mean she would never know and regret and always think if she gave up the love of her life. This would not bring her happiness. And if she chose him over me then she may lose me forever. But this is a risk she is willing to take, however, only with my understanding and not loosing my friendship. She loves both of us and we both want to fight for her and that makes her go crazy as we both try to express our love for her and she is confused. This was at a point of being a health risk and too much for her to handle because she is the most giving person I have ever met and she does not want anyone to be mad at her and she wants everyone to be happy. Thus she explored her third option which is to not be with either one of us. Although this may bring all of us pain, it would be a just decision and she would not have to sacrifice both our friendships and lose us forever. But this option wouldn't change a thing as I know both of us would have an intent to change her mind and persuade her to fall more in love with one or the other, and could only bring more pain into her life. This is when I stepped in as I love her too much for her to sacrifice both of us as a potential for true happiness for the rest of her life. She cannot give me a last chance as I mentioned and be unhappy regreting she may have lost the love of her life by not ever giving him a chance. I wouldn't want that as she would then never be completely mine. If I fight for her now, she will sacrifice her own happiness before picking him over me, as she values what we have too much to lose me forever. I now had another choice to make; risk losing her forever by fighting and I know she could not choose as she is not willing to make either one of us unhappy, basically, making her life harder than it has to be, OR let her go and have faith that we were meant to be and if she comes back to me I will have her forever. I have made the ultimate sacrifice that I can imagine and have let her go as I know if ours is true love, it will prevail. I am and will always be her friend but lovers come and go. I am not giving up hope but fighting by letting her go and wishing her true happiness. If he can truly make her happier than I, then as much as my heart fills up with saddness, she will be happy and that will always bring a smile to my face. Moral of the story: IF YOU HAVE THE SLIGHTEST DOUBT, STOP NOW! TAKE YOUR TIME AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT. IF YOU DO THEN, MAYBE YOU WON'T HAVE TO SACRIFICE YOURSELF FOR THE HAPPINESS OF YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER. -COMMUNICATE: IF YOU TELL HER WHAT IS IN YOUR HEART, SHE WILL GIVE YOU SPACE TO THINK THINGS THROUGH. IF IT IS NOT MEANT TO BE, THEN YOU WILL HAVE SAVED FURTHER PAIN FOR BOTH SIDES. -LASTLY, ALWAYS THINK ABOUT THINGS AND FOLLOW YOUR HEART SO THAT YOU MAY DO THE RIGHT THING. Link to comment
BigMistake1607306452 Posted April 2, 2003 Author Share Posted April 2, 2003 by the way, I'm going through hell right now trying to live with my decision. If anyone can make me feel better or give me some support and strength, I'd really appreciate it. Let me know what you guys think. Thanks, Link to comment
simulacra Posted April 2, 2003 Share Posted April 2, 2003 You did a very selfless thing. Many people can feel like it is the noble thing to do, but not many will actually go through with it. I hope you let her know the reasons for backing down though so that there are no misunderstandings. And as you said, if she is happy with the other guy, then it will be a sign to you that they belong together. And if she comes back to you then you know the two of you were meant to be. I'm not sure what advice to give you for feeling better during this time, but I hope you stay true to your word -- there is nothing worse to lower her opinion of you during this time than for you to just be feeling lonely and going for rebound relationships and whatnot. This is not a light statement to make, so if you're true to your word, your actions should refelct that aslo. Link to comment
Wildncrazzy4u172 Posted April 2, 2003 Share Posted April 2, 2003 Honestly, I don't think you could have made a better decision. I know its hard to live with that, but like you said, if y'all are meant to be she will come back. After all, you know she deserves nothing but the best, not to say you aren't it, but thats something she has to figure out for herself. I think it was very mature of you to just let her go instead of causing her pain.. I have to say that was very thoughtful. Now that I think about it, You're the better man of the two.. because I doubt the choice of letting her go to keep her from pain ever crossed through the other guy's mind. Just hang in there, I know it isn't easy because I had to make a choice similar to this not too long ago. I can tell this girl means a lot to you and I doubt you ever meant to hurt her on purpose. Guys are like that, no offense..It takes them awhile to really find out what they want.. and when they find out, its usually too late. But we're all like that, we never really think about how much someone means to us until we no longer have them around. Love will find a way, whether its with her or a another wonderful person. Just have faith in the back of your mind that she'll come around eventually.. Hang in there.. If you need anything.. My email is email removed ~Jenn Link to comment
stillthere Posted April 3, 2003 Share Posted April 3, 2003 my friend i have a short question for you before i email you a personal message (right now i'm in a rush) do you really think it would work out between you gusy this time...because i had (i am going) trough the same situation right now and every time we tried it (about 3 times) it didn't work out.... take care stillthere i'll email you a pm and tell you my story so you can see what i mean.. Link to comment
BigMistake1607306452 Posted April 3, 2003 Author Share Posted April 3, 2003 Reading all your replies almost brings tears to my eyes. By just replying you have given me support to be stronger. Thank you. Stilltthere >> I have also sent you a pm. Please consider this thought that, we should always try to improve ourselves. That being said, if your girl is doing something that is not right (as being jelous) then she may not trust you completely. When you honestly trust someone you can't have a doubt in your mind. My love could be locked with 50 naked guys in a room and I know that our love was strong enough to not cause any worries or jelousy in me. For my relationship, she is the one who was hurt because I was not ready to be commited. I lost her trust by not considering and taking responsibility for my actions. Whether we will be together again willl all depend on our love for each other. True love prevails, and I must go on and live life. That is, without having a hidden hope that we will be together. Please remember I do however have faith that we can be happy together again. This is an important point I want to be clear about; hope means to cherish a desire with anticipation. If you do this you cannot live your life. You will only be consumed by thoughts of her all the time. But to have faith means to have sincerity of intentions, complete trust, and a firm belief in something for which there is no proof. I am currently trying to lose that hope and have faith but it feel so much easier to just hold on to hope than to have faith. Link to comment
africannomad Posted April 17, 2003 Share Posted April 17, 2003 I am in a very similar situation; I just never properly exprseed myself as to how I really felt and she has found another. I am also just letting her as you are doing and it is quite tough. Keep your chin up as I will try as well! Link to comment
BigMistake1607306452 Posted April 17, 2003 Author Share Posted April 17, 2003 well I left this site bookmarked (unintentionally) on her computer so she read it. But only saw that I keep contradicting myself even in my post. Maybe I do or don't, doesn't matter, that was 2-3 weeks ago. Anyway, to end the chapter. It's over. Over means over. What happens now is no more special than simply not knowing the future. Whether she will read this again or not, also doesn't matter. Life goes on, etc, etc. If anything, the positive stuff I have learned helps to know the future will be diff. for whomever I end up with. As to the past, you live and you learn. Some people just know it, others have to work at it, some just never gets it. I am certainly not the perfect one. Link to comment
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