Gotta say, I never thought Id be at this stage...

[sonicfan287]

My ex is actually reaching out to me (very little) and I kind of don't care. I mean, dont get me wrong part of me is happy about it, but it's more just because Im glad she cares enough, but Im not like "Omg, this means we're getting back together", and even if I did, Im looking at pictures of her and thinking "this doesn't mean nearly what it used to". Im kinda shut off to her, and it feels weird, but almost nice.

 

Im sure the fact that im even bringing her up again means Im not actually "over" her completely, but I no longer get that frustrating knot in my stomach when i hear her voice or think of her. She's actually been calling me and friended me on facebook and asked to hang out even, which is all coming out of the blue to me since she thought I was "insane" not even a month ago. So, the way I see it, I have nothing to lose. She can't hurt me anymore because our relationship ended 4 months ago, and if she stops talking to me as randomly as she started, it's okay too.

 

Just thought Id update everyone on this and hopefully it'll inspire someone whos going through the horrible pain of just breaking up. Trust me, I know. I held onto every little memory I had with her, I kept receipts from our first dates, shirts she gave me, little phrases reminded me of her and still do, but the pain is much better. At the end of it all, you can smile and know that you knew someone special once. They may be gone now, but their memories will live on, and someone else can be special to you, too, but make sure you're past everything first. I'll admit that I'm still not, and won't date for a long time, but I hope this inspires someone, because if you look at my older posts, you know how much of a wreck I was, and now Im back to worrying about "normal" stuff like school and work.

 

Thanks again for everyone's support. I'm a pretty nervous/depressed person in general so I'm sure this won't be the last time I post, and in fact I look forward to trying to support others in their struggles, as best I can.

[bri427]

I totally agree with what uve said...my ex did the same thing. although our BU has been much longer (10 months) and we went NC for 4 motnhs he randomly called me last week, i was thrilled cuz i waited so long for him to do that so then he suggested we meet up and hang. friday we did so and i discovered similar to what u said...i dont see him as the same person. love him still? of course. but have feelings of reconciling and gettin back together...umm no not so much. i changed alot and well he hasnt. looking at him again made me realize what all the tears and pain were for. so we agreed were not ready for all that emotion yet. we can talking periodically cuase he dont have many he can talk to who get "him". but as far as "us" go nope thats a topic we need to stay clear from. i get what ure saying....ure kinda numb to that person now. i moved on in many ways, maybe not completely but definitely many ways. once he truly sees that...itll hurt. he evern told me he does not want anyone with me and for me to give up. this all comes after 10months after BU, 7 motnhs of no physical contact and 4 motnhs of NC. and he has had a gf the whole time. hmm lil too late i guess.

[MissyMolly]

"and if she stops talking to me as randomly as she started, it's okay too"

I LOVE this! He has started randomly talking to me again as well, and I am sure he will stop. Thanks for this great quote - I needed that.

[intolerable]

Congrats, sonicfan! This is definitely an achievement.

[GenoGeno]

I'm pretty sure my ex thinks I'm insane as well. I know i will never hear back from her though since she got strait up mean to me nearing the six month point of post break-up.

[wontletgo]

I can not wait till the day I realize that!! I think im close to your point- I miss him, I dont see us ever getting back together, but I do wish we could be what we used to. we are in a mess. Not friends, but to get to that point was quite messy.

Good luck and let us know how your doing!

[biggestdork]

Same thing happened to me... All of the sudden I felt like I had the upper hand, that I was doing better than she was.

 

...until I saw a picture of her with a buddy of mine on his facebook. They look very happy together. It set me back big time, but its nothing I havent felt before

 

Im glad you're able to feel a change in you

"The more you concentrate on the past the more you stay in the past"!

[Diggitydave]

Same thing happened to me... All of the sudden I felt like I had the upper hand, that I was doing better than she was.

 

...until I saw a picture of her with a buddy of mine on his facebook. They look very happy together. It set me back big time, but its nothing I havent felt before

 

Im glad you're able to feel a change in you

"The more you concentrate on the past the more you stay in the past"!

 

Do yourself a big favor and stay off facebook till this blows over.

[sonicfan287]

Do yourself a big favor and stay off facebook till this blows over.

 

God yeah, do I agree with that. I can actually see her on fb now and not freak out, but even then I dont know how Id handle seeing her with someone else. Not too long ago, Id have panic attacks over news of hers on fb. Really, the whole website is more trouble than it's worth.

[atelis]

do you really want to be talking to her and meeting up with her? I do think you have something to lose because the damage might not appear apparent on the surface, but those feelings you felt a few months ago post break-up can quite easily come back in a hurry.

 

I guess you need to ask yourself, what value is it you, to have her back in your life in any capacity at this point? If there is no value, then just get on with life with no contact

[jboptop]

Sonicfan, It sounds like you were where I am at right now, so it really is good to hear someone who feels better. It really does seem impossible sometimes, doesn't it?

 

I also agree with what atelis brought up- I think you should really think about if its worth or not to let her back in at all. You have made such progress, it would be a shame for this to make you move backwards. What do you have to gain from speaking with her at this point?

[sonicfan287]

I can definitely see your point... part of me thinks because Im not so emotional though I can handle it and show her that Im not a nut case XD. I dont expect to get back together but for some reason, its important to me for her to think she missed out on someone good and not just some desperate guy. Id like to just see her one more time, and see what happens. I dont expect her to become interested but I want to leave with some dignity. Again I completely understand the risk, thats why Im letting her initiate this. Im not gonna beg to see her anymore, but Im not gonna ignore her if she asks to meet up.