Is there any hope for us?

[Yria]

I have been dating a guy for almost a year now! It was an on/off relationship!!! With many break ups...many coming back!!!

I have heard that sometimes to keep it together...you've got to leave it alone for some time and that's what i did! And it worked!

We broke up...i stopped messaging and calling him and even didnt reply to his messages!! And he came back to me and things started again! More intense!!

 

We have broke up again! But am at fault. Like he used to say.."Your behaviour leaves to be desired at times". I act very immature and it enerves him!! He is a sweet guy but also have a bad temper. Whenever we fight ..he calls me names....yelled at me. And even belittles me at times!!

 

We have parted for a month now. I decided to break up. Told him that i can't stand his bad temper and he always saying am stupid...bla bla bla. I cant understand him because i know he likes my sincerity...my caring nature! But on the other hand he also demoralises me !!

That's why i broke up. But deep inside in a remote way i still have hope that things will start again!

Right now he has a lot of works...he is working like 14-16hrs a day!! Yet he keeps on messaging me once a week to ask how i have been etc. I do reply....he even asked me last time if i have found someone new. I said no because am not very lucky...and asked him the same question. He said that he is not lucky either and that right now he is focussing on work...and it's not giving him time to think and feel lonely. He also said that somehow he misses me at times!

 

I don't know if i should reply to his messages and if i should still hope of a possible coming back!!! I just don't know! I know he is very busy right now and may be he doesnt want to sort things out now!!

What do you think he has in mind? I mean we broke up...he could just have disappeared from my life!! Why bother to message me and say things like "i miss you". Do you think he is giving me time to be on my own? Please let me know what you think.

[Mix Maxster]

Well I'm not going to lie to you and this won't be SOUND advice and all, but this guy needs a wake up call... you SHOULD NOT be calling your lover names or trying to break them down by hurting them emotionally. To say anything mean or putting you down could be considered verbal abuse and that's unacceptable. Sweet people shouldn't be made bitter by some moron's inability to smarten up and realize his or her behaviour is unacceptable. I mean we need more caring, nice, loving people in this world and we don't keep them when jerks constantly bring these people down. I may be taking it to the extreme side, but the point still stands that you should give it a rest for the time being... discuss that you dislike the way you two handle arguments and feel he needs to control himself and if he REFUSES to do anything about it I WANT you to move on because that's UNHEALTHY and isn't right for you. So you need to ask yourself if he would smarten up or stay the same, if he doesn't change the crap he pulls I wouldn't give him another chance. All the best to you.

[kali171]

It seems to me that by asking you if you have found anyone else yet, that he is showing that cares enough about you to encourage you to move on. Sure, the missing part is part of the normal emotion when you end something. However, I think the "on" "off" nature of your relationship shows that you two are not the ideal match.

 

Feeling hope is normal - and I am still feeling hope a year after - however, I really think it best for your emotional well being to let go of that hope and try to move on without him. Someone who makes you feel bad about yourself is not worth your time or energy.

[Yria]

Yes, i think you are right!! I should move on...but it's really gonna be hard! I have been through this once and it took me almost 2 years to get over it. In fact i sort of got better when i met him!

 

I don't know why i keep on hoping!! May be because i feel i haven't given my best! May be because i still care a lot for him because he is alone! Because he has also been hurt in life!

 

I really feel confused! Sometimes i don't want to reply to his message because it doesn't help me to get better! Sometimes i said to myself that i should reply...because he will think that am acting immature again by ignoring him!! But in retrospect....i realised that whether i do or not reply will not change anything!

 

You know i had found in him someone who is very caring...loving. My earlier bf was totally the opposite....he was only interested in sex!!

But it was really different with this one. He was very patient and explained things at length to me ...about committment...about the way i should act in a relationship. We shared a lot in common....especially when it comes to sincerity and trust!! That's what kept me going on with him.

Its very rare to find nowadays!

That's y i find it so hard to just leave for good! On top of that....things are not so simple....we are not of the same religion...my parents dissaproved the relationship....

During the time we were dating....we met only on saturday!!

 

 

So...should i stop relying to his message?

[grinand bearit]

Hi Yria,

 

I am a good deal older than you and I hope you take advice now that I didn't when it was first offered to me.

GET OUT AND DON'T GO BACK

I, too, was in an on again/off again which lasted nearly six years of my life. I loved him and knew he'd been hurt and accepted him as he was, bad temper, frequent break-ups, and all.

He also saw nothing wrong in calling me names, demeaning my character, threatenin me, etc. BUT I LOVED HIM

Needless to say, I never found the "magic" thing--he never saw reason to change a darn thing about his behaviour.

I wish now that I had left years ago. I would have been spared going through the pain and heartbreak and longing and confusion so many times. It never gets easier, and if you have been back and forth with this guy already, please realise that this will be the pattern for the rest of your life if you stay with him!

Trust me, it hurts way to much and it wastes so much time and energy.

 

I wish you strength

[grinand bearit]

Hi Yria,

 

I am a good deal older than you and I hope you take advice now that I didn't when it was first offered to me.

GET OUT AND DON'T GO BACK

I, too, was in an on again/off again which lasted nearly six years of my life. I loved him and knew he'd been hurt and accepted him as he was, bad temper, frequent break-ups, and all.

He also saw nothing wrong in calling me names, demeaning my character, threatenin me, etc. BUT I LOVED HIM

Needless to say, I never found the "magic" thing--he never saw reason to change a darn thing about his behaviour.

I wish now that I had left years ago. I would have been spared going through the pain and heartbreak and longing and confusion so many times. It never gets easier, and if you have been back and forth with this guy already, please realise that this will be the pattern for the rest of your life if you stay with him!

Trust me, it hurts way to much and it wastes so much time and energy.

 

I wish you strength

[Yria]

H Grinand Bearit,

 

Thanks for your advice!! Even if i want to change to keep him...i know that he won't be satisfy anyway!! No matter how hard i will try!!

And you are right...he never admitted once that he is doing something wrong by calling me names!!! It was always my fault .

 

Tell me Grinand Bearit...why do they behave like that? Is it inborn in them? Is it life and its bad sides which made them become like that?

I really dont understand why he is like that!! I just can't.

 

What happened to your ex? Has he been able to find Miss Perfect?

Did he try to get you back after your break up? What did you do? Are you still in contact with him?