How do I prove I'm changing to my ex boyfriend?

[AceGirl]

Hi, about changing, as I am working on that too at the moment, what if he has moved 9hrs drive away and we are in NC. Any chance that in 3-6mths I can some how make him notice me again?

[MikNomis]

Ace, it depends on both you and him so we can only give a vague answer. Try to work on yourself without thinking about time. Just make sure to not attempt to get back together before you're actually ready or you'll be putting yourself into a bad situation.

[lala12345]

I think I'm doing really well. I haven't text him and I've been on runs making me get rid of stress. I think most of my mood swings were because of taking the pill, so I'm going to stop taking that too. I'm feeling a lot calmer, and a lot less angry I hope he'll text me soon, really wanna talk to him, but I think I'm doing really well as I haven't text him. I went to see my friend at work today, and he more than anyone is used to my moods and anger, and he was shocked tht I wouldn't argue back with him!

[lala12345]

People and myself are starting to notice a change already in myself. My friend today said "there's no point in trying to make you argue because you just seem so mellow" I thought this was a great compliment, it shows me that I really am doing well. I haven't texted my ex either, I'm waiting for him to drum up the courage to talk to me again. I know if I carry on this way, in time he'll see I'm different. I'm feeling really proud of myself, and I've only just started!

[MikNomis]

Great, keep going and don't stop. Really make this a part of who you are, because you like this aspect of yourself.

[lala12345]

He text me four days after he asked me to prove to him i can change saying it doesnt matter what i do or say ill do, hes not chnging his mind, and me n him arent happening again. i thought this was really stupid but i went online and after a break up you shud just accept it, and thats my opening move, guys always want what they cant have, so ill make sure hell knw im happy, and hell start to want me more and more, i wont contact him, wait for him to contact me cus once he sees im having fun and dont need him, he'll be begging me to be with him again! he'll see

[FlashEng1]

He text me four days after he asked me to prove to him i can change saying it doesnt matter what i do or say ill do, hes not chnging his mind, and me n him arent happening again. i thought this was really stupid but i went online and after a break up you shud just accept it, and thats my opening move, guys always want what they cant have, so ill make sure hell knw im happy, and hell start to want me more and more, i wont contact him, wait for him to contact me cus once he sees im having fun and dont need him, he'll be begging me to be with him again! he'll see

 

Great! I love replies like this because it no longer makes it [as] difficult for you to do what you need to do, which is MOVE ON. Unsurprisingly, making a major attitude/personality change like the one you're making, requires you to change a great deal of what you're normally exposed to: certain friends, family, discussions, places, even him...

 

There's another reason. Not just the arguments or your attitude. It's something else. I dare not say some ONE else, but I wouldn't be surprised (been down that road myself where I thought it wasn't only to find out it was...).

 

Stare at that text and build up a level of anger toward him that it would cause you to no longer crave his attention. No longer want to text him, have anything to do with him. OR even want to show off the new you... Trust me, that time will come. Oh GOD will it come!!! And speaking again from experience: when you have TRULY changed, and you TRULY no longer worry about him or care much what he has to think of you, is when he will begin to give you his opinion again, or when he will somehow find his way back in your life... Whether or not you get back together is a different story. But at that time, you won't care either way!

 

Once again, this guy.... We don't need to know anything about him. It's no about him... Who CARES about him.. He could be the Pope or Gandhi for that matter. That will not improve you. You will just continue to chase after something unattainable or waste your time doing more harm and pain to yourself, than actually sitting down and making an improvement. This is why you must find a way to severe ties. Whether it be through anger towards him for something, or for the sheer fact that you have a busy workload ahead of you or whatever. Whatever the case, it needs to be a strong enough reason to make it through those 9:00/11:00 PM nights when he crosses your mind and you begin to miss him... "I need to become a better me." isn't always going to be a strong enough reason to help you through those times, which matter most.

 

In either case, I'm really happy friends are starting to see you've changed.. Wait until 6 or so months from now when one day out of your busy schedule, some how "eNotAlone.com" pops through your head and makes you smile, remembering the pain you went through, but the accomplishment you've made getting through such pain...

[lala12345]

Well it has been two weeks since he text me that, and four days ago he text me again. He started making general conversation with me and I told him the real reason for my moods (something really personal I can't post on here, but it's family stuff) anyways I told him that and he said he felt like a big * * * * , excuse my language, and then he was saying stuff like "I don't know what to think, well right now I'm thinking lets try again but I don't know what to do" anyways I said if that's the case we'd need to talk. Anyways we've just been talking normally since then and we spoke on the phone last night, but he really confused me, cus he said he wants to talk, but he also seems like he doesn't even though it was him that said a few days ago, he need to think and wants to talk

 

Anyways I just said "text me when you want to meet up and talk" he said. My friend told him i said that i think we are getting back together when I NEVER said that. What I said was " we are going to talk about it" and that's what I told him, and he said "yeah TALK about it.". I thought to myself, well I didnt say we were getting back together and im not hoping for anything, but he's the one that said talk about it but thats all. What is that meant to mean? Does he mean, we are just gonna talk about it for now, and maybe something might happen, or we're talking about it but nothing is happening. Because it seems like it would be the first one, seeing as HE is the one that said "well right now im thinking lets try again, but i duno what to do"

[FlashEng1]

Well in all honesty, to be completely up front with you: Does it matter?

 

If you've really changed, if you really are changing/bettering yourself, then it should not matter what he's really saying/what he's really feeling. At least not now anyway. Try not to look too much into anything, it will ONLY lead you down the same path, and before you know it, back to square one giving him all the control (which it sounds like is happening now), as well as you being hurt/confused/worried all over again for something totally not worth it. If you are SUPPOSED to get back together, you will.. Just not this soon (imho).

 

I'll reiterate what I've said in my previous posts, but a much more shortened version:

 

Move On.

You'll thank me later.

[RobD70]

If he just wants to “talk” about getting back together then he’s not ready yet.

 

Whether you want to be with him or not, pull back and stop having these conversations with him. If you don’t want him back then go hard NC.

 

If you do want him back, ignore him until he is literally begging you to take him back and telling you what an idiot he is and how wonderful you are. He can’t have a single doubt in his mind about getting back together or else he’ll likely just leave again.

 

I haven’t seen anyone successfully reconcile by just discussing it or trying it to see if the feelings come back. They have to feel it on day one or you are setting yourself up for failure.

 

People don’t change overnight, or in a couple of weeks. Time is on your side so don’t rush into anything. The more unavailable you are, the more he’ll want you and that feeling won’t go away anytime soon.

[lala12345]

It's not about changing anymore. He knows why I was moody. Well I thought to myself I'm not going to contact him unless he contacts me first, and even when he does I'm going to act unavailable so I have the upperhand

 

When we meet up to talk about it, I'll answer what questions he has, I won't be needy or anything, and see what vhappens from there. After we talk I'm not going to text or ring him, so he knows I'm not needy, and in turn he'll be trying to contact me thinking why has she not contacted me? Reverse psychology

[xxbriixx456]

okay, but what if your ex boyfriend is working 3 jobs and is failing classes in school and doesnt want a girlfriend right now because he doesnt have time for one that why mine wont come back.. how do i make him come back to me with him still not wanting a gf?

[RastaPasta]

Well here is my two cents on changing yourself to be with someone. I think it is important to determine if these are things that need to be changed. Just because someone doesn't like something about you doesn't mean you need to change it. It may just mean that you need to find someone who it doesn't matter to or better yet someone who appreciates that thing. KNOW YOURSELF, ensure that you aren't just believing everything he tells you is wrong with you just because you love him. It is easy after a break-up to blame yourself for everything but unless he's a perfect person everything cannot possibly be your fault. A next point I'd like to make is, is he willing to work on himself to make himself better for you. Or are you the one doing all the changing here? Don't sell yourself short, change the things you need to change but remember to stay true to yourself. As for proving yourself, if you are changing he will notice.