how to date a friend?

[joanony]

Hey guys, any suggestions how to move from 'just friends' to something more? I've been working with this guy for a cpl of months but have gotten to know him fairly well in the last few weeks. I thought he was cute when I started working but now that I know him, I think he is so amazing!!! We have heaps in common and the same refusal to grow up ie we act like kids and have the greatest fun and laughs.

 

Now, I was fairly confident that he was into me (you know, the whole "sensing the vibes" thing) esp one day he rang my dept 3 times to make sure I'd take my break with him. I also bumped into him at the train station once and he goodbye-kissed a girl on the cheek and my face must have had a hugely involuntary expression of disappointment or something coz he turns to me and then after a bit, goes "Oh, that was my sister" even though I didn't ask him. When we first met, he was giving another girl at work his number (so she could do a shift for him) but was looking straight into my eyes as he read it out. Yeah, its all the little things that get me wondering...

So ANYWAY, on Monday, I rang him to get him down to lunch and we went to the park and had a beautiful chat about life and the like. I was feeling good and had made my mind up to tell him before the week was up that I was interested in something more than friendship but on the Monday lunch, he told me this story that on the weekend a girl confessed she had been infatuated with him for 3 months, confronted him about "all the sexual tension" and accused him of doing things that made her think they were pretty much dating to which he told her he was oblivious to it and was only doing normal friend-type things with her. Being me, I said jokingly "So what's the problem? Why don't you just get in for a piece of action while you're young?" and he said "Because I'm waiting for someone (pause) someone I really like" and he was looking right at me while saying this but I couldn't look him in the eye. Then a group of us went to catch a band after work that night and we all had heaps of fun and laughs but I'm pretty sure I was subconsciously spending more time with this other girl that I get along with spectacularly in order to avoid him (why would I want to avoid him you ask? The answer is I don't know!!!!).

 

Now I'm all confused about whether he really is into me or if I am similar to this other girl (who he decidedly labelled "delusional"). On the outside, all the time we spend together IS just "friend-type" stuff but I'm usually pretty good at figuring people out. But this time I can't figure out if by saying that he's waiting for someone if its me (please?), someone else (damn them!) or noone at all!!! (ie he's literally waiting to meet someone new who he really likes).

 

Any suggestions on how to treat this affliction of mine? I've never dated friends before coz I find it impossible to view them in a different way once I've established a friendship but I was interested in him before I knew him properly so it's different. I just want to know whether he wants something more, otherwise my interest might turn into a marvelously acute obsession. How do I find out?

If its all systems go, what's the 'normal' protocol when it comes to letting him know how I feel? Or if he isn't interested, what's the best way to let him know how I feel without him avoiding me like the plague? (Even though I didn't mean to or want to do it, I know I've done the avoidance thing before when friends admitted they liked me but I didn't like them in that way)

I kinda just want him to know even if he doesn't return the feelings. I'm weird like that.

 

(Is this post too long? I'll try to make future ones shorter...)

[virtualjedi]

Deleted.

[Alabama]

I would take it nice and slow. In time when you get to know him more, tell him you like him, give hints or something for him to know. Don't rush things and in time you'll be able to ask him out on a date. Good luck!

[Derek]

Dude, she's already taken it nice and slow...

Doesn't there come a time when you have to take a step out?

 

She knows he's not a psycho and he seems to be genuine,

so I think she should risk telling him what she feels, see if he's

willing to explore the same as she is. If not, well the friendship

won't be exactly the same, but it will likely still be there.

 

She's got to be honest with herself first though. But it sounds like she's come around and is letting herself be honest.