Can I trust her....?

[bjnicole05]

OK guys, I'm sure those of you that have been keeping up with this situation will think that I am a glutton for punishment but I assure you...I'm not lol.

 

Alright here goes....The Ex and I have been split for about 4 months...maybe less and I was finally able to move on and do my own thing...but all of a sudden now she wants to come back, 4 months later after she has been caught cheating...keep in mind that she has "tried" coming back 3 times up to now and changed her mind...she decided to stay with the guy that she left me for. But now they really are broken up and I find myself not being able to tell her no if she wants to come over...spend the night. Parts of me wants to believe that she is changed but I'm not sure 4 months can change someone...and even if it did...would it ever change how I see her? As a cheater...the one who keeps leaving...who tells me that my love isnt enough...who thinks only of herself...I have all of these questions that I want to ask but she keeps avoiding...like I'm not allowed to ask...She never wants to talk about it. She tells me that he was always saying he loved her, but she never said it in return (dont believe)...she said that everytime they were intimate, she had to close her eyes and picture my face to enjoy it (REALLY dont believe)...If it were like she is trying to make me believe...she wouldnt have left for him, or with him...she wouldnt havee gotten a place with him.....right?

 

Im so confused?...do I give her the benefit of the doubt and trust it wont happen again?..that in itself..can I trust her again? ahhhh...

[WockaWocka]

As a cheater...the one who keeps leaving...who tells me that my love isnt enough...who thinks only of herself...I have all of these questions that I want to ask but she keeps avoiding...like I'm not allowed to ask...She never wants to talk about it. She tells me that he was always saying he loved her, but she never said it in return (dont believe)...she said that everytime they were intimate, she had to close her eyes and picture my face to enjoy it (REALLY dont believe)...If it were like she is trying to make me believe...she wouldnt have left for him, or with him...she wouldnt havee gotten a place with him.....right?

 

Yea, did he kidnap her and force her to move in with him too? This is a no-brainer and I'm amazed she even thinks you'd fall for her bull. No two ways about it you are being played for a fool as the fallback option and the minute he wants her back or she finds a bright new shiny toy she will leave you in the dust again.

 

You know what they say, fool me once shame on you.. Fool me twice shame on me. Don't let her keep playing you.

[DN]

Did she actually cheat on you with this guy or were you broken up at the time?

 

When they broke up - whose decision was it?

[ForumGuy]

Did she actually cheat on you with this guy or were you broken up at the time?

 

When they broke up - whose decision was it?

In my opinion, this doesn't really matter in the scheme of trust, since she has tried to come back 3 times then changed her mind. This type of person will break up for a few days so they can go be with someone else, then come back to the comfort zone, then do it again over and over.

 

If you have to ask yourself if you can trust her, then you can't trust her.

[Atticus90]

she said that everytime they were intimate, she had to close her eyes and picture my face to enjoy it (REALLY dont believe)

 

This woman's full of s*** lol.

Dude, you already know what to do on this one. A little deductive reasoning comes a long way. If you know it wont work, you should know what comes next.

[bjnicole05]

WockaWocka,

Thank you so much for your words...I just can't understand why she enjoys making me feel so expendable...No he didnt force her lol, she left with open arms I guess. He even moved out of the place that he was living in so that they could get a place "together". I've tried not to let her minipulate me into trusting that her words are meaningful...but i can't and for some reason I feel like the bad guy...she is so good at making me feel that way, without even trying...Does that make any sense?

[bjnicole05]

Did she actually cheat on you with this guy or were you broken up at the time?

 

When they broke up - whose decision was it?

 

DN,

No she was cheating before we broke up...I caught them together as her and I were still living together...

[bjnicole05]

In my opinion, this doesn't really matter in the scheme of trust, since she has tried to come back 3 times then changed her mind. This type of person will break up for a few days so they can go be with someone else, then come back to the comfort zone, then do it again over and over.

 

If you have to ask yourself if you can trust her, then you can't trust her.

 

 

ForumGuy,

 

Thank you...Yeah I'm not into dating as a sport and If it doesnt work once...twice tops i dont understand how people can keep coming back for more....I really did give this girl my all and she told me love wasnt enough...but what makes now different...you know? parts of me want to believe her because I do love her....but the bigger picture is screaming in my face...

[bjnicole05]

This woman's full of s*** lol.

Dude, you already know what to do on this one. A little deductive reasoning comes a long way. If you know it wont work, you should know what comes next.

 

Atticus,

LOL I know she is...my heart wants her, but my head knows better...I never want to hurt her or her feelings...even when she never had a problem hurting me...I feel like something is wrong with me lol....

[Atticus90]

Atticus,

LOL I know she is...my heart wants her, but my head knows better...I never want to hurt her or her feelings...even when she never had a problem hurting me...I feel like something is wrong with me lol....

 

Trust your higher self. That's whats tellin you it wont work. Believe me, if you follow by what your gut tells you, you'll get far in life.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. I don't care who here tries to dismiss that, but if they have the ability to do it once, they can certainly do it again. Besides, you'll just be miserable with the constant thoughts of mistrust.

[sunnyv]

well you can give it another chance but have in the back of your mind that you just have to be careful with this girl. she does sound like the type that will do this over and over again till she really gets a life lesson and that may be missing you.

 

i'm in the same boat with my ex. however she has not officially come back to me. she still with the homewrecker she left me for and cheated on me with. i am doing nc and my only hope is to get myself stronger so when the next comes along i can be healed and give them the best me ever and if seh ever ever grows up and realizes she made a mistake the only way she will do this is by missing me and realizing what she has lost. unfortunately nc is the only way for someone to realize this.

 

you do what makes you happy. we can only give you advice but ultimately you know your girl and you know yourself. if you need to give her another chance for you for you to know and for you to ultimately grow as a person then do it.

 

we will be here no matter what.

[bjnicole05]

Trust your higher self. That's whats tellin you it wont work. Believe me, if you follow by what your gut tells you, you'll get far in life.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. I don't care who here tries to dismiss that, but if they have the ability to do it once, they can certainly do it again. Besides, you'll just be miserable with the constant thoughts of mistrust.

 

Thank you again...And your right, I do think of everything that happened constantly, I ask myself questions everyday that I just dont have the answers to. I know where I should go from here, but I feel a little hard headed...it's always tough to say goodbye to someone that you truly love....even if they've said goodbye to you time and time again...I'm fighting this battle with my head and my heart...

[bjnicole05]

Sunnyv,

Hey stranger so confused, I can get by so well when we dont talk...I've been able to see other people and try moving forward, but the moment she steps back in it's as if she knows exactly what to say...sometimes I feel really stupid for letting her in...or lack there of...

With everything that's happened, she makes me want to "hate" her and then in the same token she makes me want love her...Perhaps letting go is the only way to go about it, I truly can't help the way that I feel... A part of me feels like it is too late...but then another part says...with love...it's never too late.

I know what you are going through too and I'll be here for you whenever I can and give you the best advice I have...If you need anything please feel free to talk to me, and thank you for being so understanding... always makes things easier...