New and Need help

[confused in NJ]

Hey all. First time user. I have a question. I had made some mistakes in my past, and recently I told my girlfriedn about it. The problem was I used to gamble on sports, but have stopped for several months now. I told her about the problem back in Dec, when we were together for only a month. She said she was okay, but the other week she said it is a problem and she needs time to figure out if she wants to be with me. I havent done any gambling in over 6 months, but she feels that if we have a future together that I would gamble everything away.

We have been on a break for 3 weeks, and its killing me cause its not even like I did anything TO HER, but she makes me feel so bad cause of something I now have control over with the help of friends and family. What can I do?

[Rapture]

First of all, we don't like to acknowledge it but gambling, even in it's smallest of forms, IS a big deal. I do praise you for managing to give it up for the past 6 months though, I imagine it's tough and takes alot of discipline. I'm not trying to act like an expert on the subject but i do have alittle something in common with your gf. I have dated guys before who would gamble on sports quite frequently, it never bothered me until it became such an obsession, that it was more important to them then me. I have also grown up with a father very very very addicted to gambling. He was so addicted to it, it literally cost him his wife, his home, his daughter, and his life. I'm not saying this is going to happen in your case, but i can understand where your gf is coming from, if she is with someone who gambles, eventually, in the future, it could be her life and security that is in the hands of fate and a stupid bet. If i were her, i would probably wait atleast a year before getting back together with you, to be sure that you're over it. So my suggestion is just to give her time to think this over, and if you ever get the urge to gamble again, ask yourself which is more important, her, or that bet?

[confused in NJ]

Thx for the reply. I know she will be worried, as all girls are. But the reason the gambling was going on was cause I really had not much else going on. I told her the great influence she had on my life and that if I was given a sure thing in one hand and her love in another her love is what i would take. She just can't seem to get passed the gambling aspect- even though I have done 10000 great things, this is the one she focuses on.

The one thing I forgot to mention is the 'mixed signals' she sends out. She says she can put it behind her, and we were gonna hang out last weekend, but she was tired from a class and we didn't. So i called her and asked her to hang out this weekend, and she was like ' you are pressuring me I told you I need time"

So, why would she say yes one day and then be a total opposite the next, Thats where the problem is- the not knowing

I appreciate your respose

[Rain533]

I'm not saying that this is what is happening in you case but I know a few friends that have broke up with there bf by useing something they did in the past. The girl didn't really have a problem with the guys past but she didn't know how to brake things off so the easy way out for her was to use something from his past to make it his problem or fault and not hers.

 

Like I said this may not be the same thing but I have a feeling it is.

1. Three weeks seems like a long time to think things over.

2. It was rude that she wants to do something with you one night makes plans and then brakes them ane doesn't even set up new plans with you. \

3. Why did the OLD gambling problem all of a sudden become a issue in the relationship. What changed her mind from one day to the next.

 

It didn't really sound to me like you had a bid gambleing problem, It soulds like it could have been but you cut it off at the pass.

 

I don't see anything wrong with you telling her that Yes I Did Have A Little Problem At One Time and now I Don't. I Can't Change the Past For You. And I Can't Be Scorned For Life Because I Once Had A Problem.

 

Can you tell I REALLY don't agree with her. She should be there for you to help you as a partner and not criticize you for something you once did wrong.

 

 

Good Luck with all this and I hope things work out for you.