Dating with emotional baggage

[piratehound]

I got out of a five year relationship 7 months ago.I'm still not totally over the ex even though I was the dumper.

 

I've never been in a relationship with someone after such a long relationship.

 

The girl in question is amazing, and she's agreed that we should take things slowly.

 

For those who have been in a similar situation, what will my experience be like? I don't want to hurt the new girl and I do think Im ready to date.

[sunday2010]

I'm nearly five months out of a three year and ten month relationship.I haven't had to deal with this before either.I must admit its difficult .

We got to get back out there though.I think take it slow and steady and be positive.be yourself.

[blueeyedme]

We all have baggage...the question is can we accept each others baggage.

[Overmyhead]

I dated this guy (now my most recent ex) who had been in a 6-year relationship with a girl (they met in college, lived together afterwards, but then got jobs on opposite ends of the country and decided to end it). We started dating only about 2 months after he'd gotten out of that 6-year relationship. When we started dating, I guess I didn't realize the extent to which he wasn't "over" his ex. He assured me that he was ready to date and wasn't going to let that breakup interfere with the way he lived his life in the present and I admired him for that. But about 5 months into our relationship, I asked him if he still missed her and thought about her and he said yes. And when asked, he even went so far as to say that if she were to move here, he'd consider getting back together with her!

 

Needless to say, we broke up after that conversation. Here I was falling in love with the guy and he was still harboring all these deep feelings for his ex. All of this hurt me a lot and I wish he would have been more upfront about his feelings from the get go and we would have taken things MUCH more slowly. He still talks about his ex with me and it makes me feel stupid for thinking he even really cared about me in the first place.

 

If you're ready to date, great, but be as honest as possible with the girl from the beginning. And don't rush it.

[Hell_On_Heels]

Can you be friends with the new woman until you are over your ex? Are you or the new woman looking at something serious, or just casual dating?

 

I don't date for a long time after a major breakup. I've never really rebounded, but my ex-husband does it. He's trying to do it now. He never gets over someone he cared about. He misses them all even today. Obviously, he isn't you and his situation could be completely different - but getting involved emotionally too soon hurts you and the other person. No way around that. Have an open, honest talk about this with the new woman and see where you both end up.