Letting GO

[disruptors]

My Girlfriend recently broke up with me after 3 years and it is because she is confused about us, she's seen herself build herself around one relationship, since I was her first boyfriend. Tonight I read all the notes she wrote to me in the past few years. Some were so nice and touching but yet filled with so much pain as I read them. She even said in one "I never know what i would do if we ever broke up. I love you so much and want to spend the rest of my life with you." I cant help reading the memories that we shared probably because I still do not accept she is moving on. She always woke me up in the middle of the night, and told me to promise her never to leave her. I know I'm only 20 but I really felt like and still do that she is the one. Its so hard and I know many of you have gone through similar situations like this. I just don't know what to do. Tonight, while I was reading all those notes, I had the strongest urge to call her and just beg her to take me back. I know that I treated her so good, and I know she knows that, I guess I feel like all those times she called and woke me up because of a bad dream that I took it for granted, I use to get bored hanging out with her because I would want to go home earlier. NOW its like I wish i could have the chance to value it when it was there. I can't stand her hanging out with this guy now, I even know him which makes it harder. She loves me still but likes him. I see her everyday at university, and I dont know if I should talk to her by just smiling and saying "hi how are you" and acting like nothing is bothering me, or just not talk at all to her and not make any eye contact? We've been broken up for 3 weeks but its really just begun in the past few days because throughout all that time we talked and argued about her decision. She said I was driving her away from me by asking her about "why we broke up" and I now see why she said that. I just dont know what to do, I dont know if i should act like all smiley when I know its killing me, or just not talk to her for a while? Its just killing me so much by respecting her decision to move on , but I know there is no other way but to let time pass and see what she wants. She tells me she still loves me and is storing it in a safe place in her heart until she is ready. I am so scared she will be with this new guy for a long time but I know she will miss alot of things we did because I was her first basically in everything. I dont know I just wish this didnt have to happen, but it probably would have later on, if not now. I cant stand how we broke up while we still loved each other. I know she wants to see how life is like especially dating, but it seems so unfair of her to do such a thing while I was so deeply in love with her. Well I'm lost and confused and hurt and most of all, emotionally scarred for life, she really did take my heart out and throwt somewhere I am still trying to find.

[dave_1966]

I understand exactly how you feel. Read my post "Never ending break-up....please advise" in breaking up forum. Listen, you are going to really tear yourself up reading those letters. They need to be collected together and put somewhere where you can't read them, if you're at Uni why not send them back to your folks for safekeeping? Or do what I did, give them back to my ex (although she finished with me, you can't really do that I suppose having dumped her). The pain you are feeling is only natural, but will go away in time. You say you broke up with your girlfriend, so you actually decided on this course of action. Clearly, not having done this before, you are surprised at how it is affecting you. You generally feel a month of pain for every year you were in relationship, but everyone is different obviously. Are you sure your pride hasn't been knocked because she found someone else so quickly?

 

If I were you, and it was hurting me this badly, before she gets really involved with the new guy I would swallow my pride and ask her to take you back. This way you make it clear to her that you made a mistake and you're big enough to realise it. But don't bank on getting her back, she may have moved on.

[mjones.uk]

Hi Mate,

 

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation - I know exactly what you're going through because your post sounded as though I had written it myself.

 

The only difference for me being the fact we were together for 8 years (and she dumped me just before Xmas).

 

I know what you're feeling at the moment and the hurt and confusion that is reigning through you.

 

What can i say mate? You've just got to see what happens. Let me make one thing clear - the best way to PUSH her away is to keep calling, pestering, asking why, if you loved each other it would work... etc etc - I've learnt that the more you beg and plead etc with her, the more it reinforces the fact that its over.

 

It will be the hardest things you'll ever have to do, but you've got to let her sort her own head out and decide what she wants. I am still using this advice myself, and I make it easier by thinking "If its meant to be it will be", "If she really loves you and wants to be with you, then she will come back", "If you really love her, then you will want her to be happy, even if that means its not with you".

 

These may not help you at the mo, but keep reading them, they make sense and they do start to help you adjust.

 

Just remember she is her own person and it makes sense for her to want to explore other areas of relationships, being single, being involved with others, almost every human being on the planet will have done this at one time or the other. I know that doesnt take away the massive hole that has burnt through you now, but currently your heart is ruling your head and it takes alot of effort to turn this the other way.

 

I love my ex so much , and like you, I took her for granted at times and maybe never gave her the appreciation or respect she deserved at times, but who knows if any of these things are the reasons they leave us? Sometimes people just feel that something is missing from their life and they have to find whatever it is.

 

She doesn't want to hurt you like this on purpose, and my guess is she really does still love you, so this decision must be very hard for her as well. You may have a better chance than me at reuniting (although please, i dont want to get your hopes up), as she may soon find out that what is out there isn't necassarily better than what she had! Sometimes it takes something like this for us to evaluate ourselves, make changes for the better and realise what real love is all about.

 

I'm not saying this will happen in the next few weeks, it may take months, indeed you should prepare yourself for the fact it really is over for good. This thought will be extremly hard for you to accept or even bare, at the moment, and I really feel for you because I remember the pain I experienced for the first month or so (and the pain I still feel).

 

You were right about it happening later on - just look at my situation! I think that you may find this is a good thing eventually, especially if you get back together, as your love will be stronger than ever.

 

As hard is at may be, please don't let her see you moping around all miserable and lonely. You've got to show her you are a strong, independent person who still has a life, even without her in it. After all, which person would you find more attractive?

 

You would also be better off trying not to see her or spend anytime together. I gather this may be difficult at uni, but avoid endless emails about nothing, phone calls, text messages, little meetings etc - you have to try and go cold turkey. Yes, if you do happen to cross paths then just act friendly, look happy, but don't carry out long conversations, or mention the break up. This will probably be extremely difficult for you, but you've got to give her the chance to remember why she went out with you and why she fell in love with you, she wont do that if you always look like a wet weekend, when you bump into each other!

 

If you'd like to send me a private message please do, as I'd be happy to give you a list of books, urls and any other help or advice I can, that has been of help to me in the past 4 months.

 

Take it easy mate, you'll survive and you'll be stronger for it.

 

Best wishes,

Mike

[cayla]

maybe she'll let you back in her life and ya if you do go back with her things are going to changed. You and her has wasted 3 years for what? to break up! just try to get back in her life if she didnt move on and if you dodnt move on.

-Cayla

[danlegion]

mjones.uk I know this is a long time post.. but i've read it.. You're right man...

 

disruptors I know how u felt when u read back her notes..(i read back my gf(ex)'s sms

 

 

Sigh Sometimes things just aren't what we predict. I too felt hurt felt like killing myself for such incident. But time we have to just realize that things has happen and it has happen... we cannot do anything about right...

 

mjones.uk thanks for your advice

[emptiness]

Your story sounds so much like my friends recent breakup with her boyfriend. My friend split up with her bf after 5 years. Initially, he called and texted her non-stop and although I think she just wanted space and time to think, instead she got bombarded and had to push him away for good - before getting the chance to have time and space to chill out and think it through.

 

Thankfully he became strong (it appeared to her) and stopped contacting her. Within a few weeks of having the time and space she had craved, she was calling me telling me she thought she'd made the biggest mistake of her life.

 

As much as it hurts I'd say lay low and wait for her to talk to you. I still cant make eye contact with my ex, I just kind of pleasantly smile and look away... then get the hell outta there!